Neo's Happy Funtime Land
WARNING: This is a self-insert story mixed with the selfish desires of one author as well as their incredibly biased interpretation of the show. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kim Possible or anything related to it. If I did, however, I think it would go something like this…
"Give it up, Drakken!" the teen heroine cried to her stubborn, completely incompetent arch-foe Doctor Drakken. "I've obviously beaten you with no help from anyone else even though I couldn't invent anything even if my life depended on it, which it usually does, and I keep getting in trouble without someone to watch my back. Lucky for me, I use the inventions of someone I never give credit to besides the occasional 'You rock, Wade!' and my BFBF has such a low self-esteem that he chalks it all up to me anyway."
"Darn it! I'm failing again. Oh well, I'll have my obviously more talented sidekick fight them for no real reason since I have no chance of ever succeeding. Shego! Get to it!" the bumbling blue scientist screamed at his beautiful green martial arts master genius of common sense sidekick.
"Ya know I only stay your sidekick because I love mocking your incompetence and watching you fail every time we try to win. Of course, I don't actually tell you how ta improve your chances of winning because that would upset the paradigm that the show has established," she replied to her employer.
"Oh! Your big, funny words hurt my college dropout head!" Drakken said, grabbing his head and drooling a bit.
"The paradigm? It's responsible for everything! After all, how else do you explain me managing to get my best friend since forever to fall in love with me?" Ron said, grabbing his BFGF and hugging her. "I mean, it does happen in real life, but for it to happen with us in a moment of terrible betrayal from a former boyfriend that was actually a fake person created by our arch-foe, which happens to be you, makes little sense unless it's all part of the grand scheme. Or the fact that with all of your crazy, outlandish plans with the silly machines, you never seem to come very close to a victory and no one gives you credit? Or how about the fact that I somehow was a better evil genius than you when I was infected with your evil aura?"
"Stop it! It hurts!" Drakken howled as he started to bleed from the ears.
"What? Saying 'aura'?"
"No! The word 'the'! It's too complicated to understand! Oh no, I used it! The pain!"
Neo turned her television off in disgust. They weren't even trying to hide it anymore! The blatant disrespect of Drakken as well as the abuse Shego kept throwing at Drakken for no apparent reason and K/R love was just too much for the Midwestern girl to take anymore. She had to do something about it. Or else who knows? They might have Drakken stop trying to take over the world and do the most reprehensible thing ever to occur in the history of evil: he could go good.
The very thought sent shivers through Neo's spine. What could she do to save the show she cherished so, as well as the character that she loved to watch? Slowly, a plan began to come together in the brain of the college eventually-graduate. It was so evil that she was certain that showing her face in the forums again would result in an instant mob complete with pitchforks and rocks. However, she could only stand so much abuse of her favorite character. So what if she was going to get strung up by the K/R fans? It was going to happen eventually. Why not have it happen doing something where she would gladly yell, "I regret nothing!" just before getting thrown into the signal tower from 'So the Drama'? It IS the KPverse she was dealing with, after all. The humans can't die; they just get removed by random plot devices.
The writers were hastily working on the next episode of Kim Possible. This time, they were going to have Drakken try to take over the world by threatening to use a laser pointer on his eyes until he was blind. They were also trying to add some more witty remarks from Shego and even more Kim worship. Of course, they were throwing in a couple of pants-losing antics from the hero's sidekick, but that's just a given. And after Drakken loses his eyesight, they were going to have Shego play 'keep away' with the cure for blindness which she conveniently had in her pocket while Kim and Ron decided that they were so perfect a couple that they should go on a world tour as they solved all the problems that ever existed in the history of ever. Suddenly, the loudspeaker in the room came to life.
"Ladies and gentlemen…and whatever else that's in there. I'm afraid that the show has been cancelled, so now you're all fired. Leave now before we unleash the dogs on you," a familiar voice said. Apparently, there were actual dogs that could be unleashed because there was much screaming to be had as well as a rush for the exit, with one man crying, "Not the dalmatians again! Please!" as he ran out of the door.
After a few minutes, Neo snuck into the room. She noticed what the episode was that they were working on and gave a snort of disgust. A sneer came to her face as she tore the story to shreds and threw it like confetti around the room. Checking the room for anyone that lingered, she eventually decided that it was safe and picked the computer station with the least Kim Possible (the character) paraphernalia.
"Now then, it's time to establish the Neodigm!" she cackled as she brought up Microsoft Word and started typing.
After a few hours, she wiped her brow and declared it finished. She looked over her masterpiece and smiled, knowing that now the world would know her idea of the perfect Kim Possible outcome. She was a bit worried that it may earn her a tarring and feathering, but as long as people remembered that they could write their own Happy Funtime Lands, she should be safe. Sighing a little as she remembered the episode that the writers had originally come up with, Neo sent it to the animator's inbox and left, making sure to grab some Drakken items on her way out.
Notes from the Author:
Does Neo dare to continue the story? Will the K/R fans string her up and roast her? And what of the Shego fans? Will they want a piece as well? Why is Neo referring to herself in third person? Will the horribly short first chapter be her undoing? Will the abuse of the word 'paradigm' go unpunished? And does anyone actually care about this? Stay tuned to find out!