To the tune of Pink's U + Ur Hand. Excellent song, might I add!
I'm in love
With two different guys
One's a vamp
One's a wolf
They won't compromise
That they won't just
But then I went and got engaged to Edward.
And Jacob's freaking out coz he thinks Ed is no good.
So now he's crashing my wedding, that's it.
See, I've had enough of all your crap
You have really caused me some distress!
How dare you barge into this church
While I'm in my Anne of Green Gables dress?!
But you'll never have me
Try as you might
So get back in the doghouse
It's just you and the pack tonight.
I want Edward
Even though we're wed
That's it, this really is ridic…
I complain that he's lame, this makes no sense
Why deny my last human experience?
He fears he's gonna break my pelvis.
See, I've had enough of all your qualms,
And now you wonder why I go make out with Jake!
How dare you withhold your crotch from me?!
That was our last chance for heaven's sake!
Now you'll never have me
Try as you might
So get back to Alaska
It's just you and your crust tonight.
I gotta say it's really neat that someone like me
Can have this hotties acting like I'm royalty.
Didn't Stephenie describe me as like, really plain?
I'm such a Mary Sue, this whole thing's insane.
You know who you are,
Sex-starving, talking shit, but you're going home alone, aren't ya?
See, I've had enough of all this nonsense!
Since my options are both mythical and such
Why can't I have a human guy?
Is that asking just a little bit too much?
What's wrong with Mike Newton?
Or Eric Yorkie?
Actually, pretend I didn't sink that low
God, this book's such misery.
See, I've had enough of all these TwiGuys
Really need to get outside this crazy place
Where's that Harry Potter when you need him?
Guess what, I punched a werewolf in the face!
Just to prove that I can
Be hardcore tonight.
I deserve much better than this.
So it's goodbye Twilight!