A/N: This story was the result of me needing an amusing side-project while I worked on Eromenos: The Beginning, but now it has just grown out of control and I think it needs to be let out. I posted it on my LJ and got a few laughs, so please enjoy—believe me, there are several more chapters to come.
Kadaj sucked contentedly on his sucker, eyes rolling a little as sugary sweetness filled his mouth and senses. Nissan was watching him with wary, hooded eyes, but Kadaj ignored him. Cloud was just so dull.
If Yazoo hadn't been so intent on hiding with Reno in the bedroom then Kadaj wouldn't have even come down to the bar in the first place. But he supposed it was a good thing. He'd never been in Reno's bedroom for any reason—not for lack of Reno trying, it was Yazoo's protests that kept him away—but apparently the red-haired, strange, and groping man was some sort of deity.
"What are you doing here, Kadaj?" Cloud asked him, still wary.
Kadaj popped the sucker Tifa had given him out of his mouth with an audible plop and smiled at his nervous older brother, saying, "Yazoo is worshipping again."
Cloud looked confused. That was not a rare thing.
"I'm pretty sure that Reno is god," Kadaj informed him, rather proud to be living with a divine being.
"What?" Cloud asked, bewildered. He was so cute when his eyebrows drew together like that! Kadaj leaned forward and touched them, childlike, but Cloud pulled away with a scowl. "Kadaj, Reno isn't god."
"Is so," the boy insisted. Cloud shook his head, causing Kadaj to be more emphatic, saying, "Is so! Every time they go into the bedroom all Yazoo does is scream 'oh my god!'"
Cloud blushed and looked horrified.
Kadaj looked proudly vindicated.
"So, Reno is god," he reasoned, and returned to his sucker with single-minded intensity, his smirk smug around the paper stick of the sucker. "Maybe some day Reno will let me worship Him, too…"
"Tifa!" Cloud yelled, looking panicked as he stared wildly at Kadaj. "We have got to get Kadaj out of that house!"