Part 1: tornscommander

A/N: I'm doing the fic in the order the reviews were made. I am actively writing again!

Jak spoke with a ringing and commanding voice. "Torn! Commander of the Freedom League, ex-Krimzon Guard, and Tattooed Wonder, you have been dared to run around Haven in nothing but your underpants."

Torn stripped down to his boxers and started to jog slowly out of the arena. He took the merchant section and South Town almost at a walk, but as soon as he got to the Metal Head-infested section of the city, started sprinting full-out, knowing his checked fluorescent orange and green boxers would be a better beacon than any flashing light. Sure enough, the mystified Metal Heads were taking potshots at the pants. The boxers were all they could see because Torn had daubed his body with camouflage paint before he went running, so people would think he was in a training exercise; but everyone knew the truth.

Metal Head fangirls (they exist?) were watching his progress with fluttering eyelashes from the remains of the Tower. One tried to stop him for an autograph by standing directly in front of Torn, but he refused to move and plowed her into the swamp. That was the end of her. Moral of the story: Don't be Torn's fangirl when he's pissed!

Anyway, the Metal Heads' potshots were slowing him down. He was finally stopped when one of the little scorpions pricked him right in the butt. "OUCH!" he screamed. Torn shot up four feet in the air, clutching his buttocks and yelling in agony. He kicked the Metal Head into oblivion, and kept right on running. Another Metal Head's shot burned off his left leg, but he kept on hopping, intent on reaching his destination. The rest of their shots missed him.

Torn thought he was in the clear: Out of the Metal Head sector for good, and into the safe section of the city…or was he? He leaned against a wall and allowed himself a long rest.

The rescue speeder was above him, and he was about to be saved when a tiny Blast Bot came.

It knocked his other leg out from under him and sat on top of his back, yelling in a tiny, computerized voice, "I claim this land for Espana!"

Torn was too terrified to move, and the Blast Bot killed him.

Sad, sad day.