A.N: Hey everybody! Yes... I have arrived with another goody in my sack. And no, I'm not talking about testicles. At least not this time. Lol! What you are about to witness is another awesome collaboration between two equally awesome partners in crime (Me and Kitsune55, of course!) in what I call... an awesome extravaganza. Awesome, yes? XD

You don't have to have seen the actual game show to understand this fic, though it is recommended, just because it is so damn amusing to watch. Who knew the Discovery Channel had such hidden treasures hidden beneath it's oh-so-boring exterior? Lol! This fantastic A/U takes place during my fucked-up rendition of the Yotsuba Arc... and trust me, when I say fucked-up, I mean it. Though most of you know that when I say something like that by now...

It's best just to expect the unexpected.

Many thanks goes to Kitsune55, who not only came up with the fic's main premise, but came up with and researched all the questions within this one-shot, and BETA-ED on top of everything else. I seriously don't think you guys understand just how much time and effort this girl puts into not just my own fics, (which are a challenge all their own at times) but all the other author's fics she beta's as well. Girl's like Superman, minus the penis and strength of steel. Lol! So if this fic is dedicated to anyone, it's to her. XD Hope you guys enjoy, and please, do tell me what you think when you're finished. I would just love to see the looks on your faces as you guys are reading this fic...

Title: Cash Cab Insanity


"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"… I do not have a good feeling about this."

Raito blinked over at the detective bound next to him, the traffic-laden streets of New York creating a bright backdrop to the conversation the two men seemed intent on having.

"Where was this thought 25 minutes ago, oh great detective?" The 17-year-old teenage prodigy snapped at the hunched insomniac nibbling on his thumb, who seemed determined to make this one trip as difficult as possible. "We could have ridden with Aizawa and my dad, but noooo, you wanted some 'alone-time' with just the two of us-"

"I would not have requested such time together if Raito-kun had not overslept this morning, causing us both to be late in our schedules. Besides, Raito-kun and I have hardly had any time for ourselves since coming to New York in search of this 'Extra New' Kira!" L's retort went unheard as his gaze widened just a bit more than usual, the 'innocent' gleam within his eyes lost on the teenager still speaking albeit the 25-year-old man's interruption.

"And now we're stuck taking a taxi since your contact's car suspiciously broke down a day before we arrived." Raito once again ignored the pout hanging off his lover's face as he stared out at the heavy flow of pedestrians (who thankfully couldn't understand a word he was saying) and clogged streets full of cars, cabs, and bikes. "And how many times have I asked you not to call the fourth Kira that! It's childish and completely beneath you!"

L stared at the boy with wide unblinking eyes, head cocked to the side.

"Ok... maybe it's not completely beneath you." Raito admitted, eye twitching in agitation. "But it's still annoying, so stop it."

L held back a grin as Raito continued to stare out at the expanse of the street, trying to catch one of the cabbies attentions. "All that may be so, but Raito-kun was not complaining about our time together whilst I had him pinned back against the bed, slowly tormenting him with my-"

"Ryuuzaki! Enough." Raito ignored the burning sensation in his cheeks as he kept his face away from the older man's perusing gaze. Dark eyes continued to trace the boy's lithe figure beside them as the 17-year-old misanthropic teenager continued to keep his gaze forward, not physically acknowledging the older man in any way.

"Raito-kun is not being any fun whatsoever." The detective continued to pout as the boy rolled his eyes and raised his hand, attempting to flag down a cab (whilst inconspicuously attempting to hide the chain binding both he and L together). "Chances of Raito-kun actually having a personality, down 12 percent."

The pretty brunette ignored the twitch in his eye in favor of actually catching a taxi, knowing that if he turned around he would most likely punch the detective in the face, and quite frankly, they were drawing enough unwanted attention from just being out in the open handcuffed together.

God knows what people would think or say if they saw the two boys rolling around on the floor… hands delivering blows… lower bodies grinding against each other…

Raito blushed, his thoughts suddenly turning X-rated against his will.

"Raito-kun? Are you alright?"

"… Perfectly fine."

And no, his voice did not sound an octave higher.

Not. At. All.

"Ah, I see a cab slowing down, Raito-kun!" L began to nibble on his thumb, handcuffed wrist pointing out the now slowing taxi as a pair of male teenagers next to them did a double-take before turning bright red and awkwardly walking away.

L just blinked in response.

The taxi finally came into a stop right in front of them, Raito pulling the older man into the vehicle as he sweat dropped in embarrassment.

"Yo. Where to?"

Raito turned to L in response, older man still gnawing on his thumb. The 17-year-old quirked an eyebrow up in response.

" To the Ritz-Carlton, Please"

Suddenly, startling both men into jumping within their seats, bright lights began to illuminate the ceiling of the car as loud siren-like music began to blare from the car's speakers.

"Hey, I'm your host Ben Bailey, and you are on the Cash Cab! It's a TV game show that takes place right here in my cab! Do you wanna play?"

Raito and L stared at the host in complete silence.

Bailey's smile wavered for a moment.

Raito and L continued to stare.

"Err…" Bailey stuttered, not sure if he did the right thing in choosing these two particular men for the show. He had not noticed before, but they were handcuffed for God's sakes!

Bailey sweat dropped, knowing it was going to be one of those days.

"What the hell?" Raito finally asked, quite sure he had never heard of the so-called game show ever in his life.

"I believe it is a game show on the Discovery Channel, Raito-kun." L stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh… who the hell watches the Discovery Channel?" The auburn-haired boy queried, scratching his head with his non-handcuffed hand.

"People with absolutely no lives whatsoever, Raito-kun." The detective replied, eyes glimmering in amusement.

"Err… um… do you… wanna play?" Bailey asked once more, interrupting the two geniuses from destroying the show's fan base altogether.

"What are the rules?" Raito brought his attentions to the host at hand, being the go-getter out of the two men in the backseat.

"Well, I basically ask you questions and if you answer correctly, you get a certain amount of money in return." The nearly bald-headed man's grin returned with a vengeance as his voice perked up with newly found excitement. "You get two shout-outs if you don't know the answers to the questions; one mobile shout-out and a street shout-out."

Raito and L stared at him once again.

"The only thing is, if you get three questions wrong, I've got to kick you out of the cab. You up to play?" Bailey grinned insanely.

Raito and L turned to each other, blinking consecutively.

"Well, Raito-kun?"

"… Sounds really gay."

Bailey's left eye-brow twitched.

"But we don't really have much else to do. So what the hell."

L nodded before turning to Bailey, eyes as wide as he could possibly get them.

"… Great. Let's take a ride in the Cash Cab." Bailey stated as unenthusiastically as possible, already predicting great doom and destruction within the back of his head.

Raito and L pretended not to notice.

"The first couple of questions are 25 Dollar Questions. You ready?" Bailey pulled out of the curb, L sitting awkwardly on the seat in what seemed to be anticipation as Raito leaned back against the seat with his legs crossed lazily.


"Affirmative, Mr. Game Show Host."

Bailey sweat dropped once more.

"First question; What medieval code of knighthood is associated with virtue, honor, and courtly love?"

"Wow… so difficult." Raito yawned, looking bored already. "Chivalry."

"That is correct!" Bailey looked as if he just won a puppy as he grinned insanely. "You've just won 25 dollars!"

Raito rolled his eyes.

"I'm so excited."

"Next question! Named after a London railway station, what fictional literary bear was originally a stowaway from the darkest Peru?"

Raito looked over at L, not even saying anything in response.

"The answer is 'Paddington Bear,' Mr. Game Show Host."

Raito's lips twitched upwards as he noticed Bailey's eyebrow convulsing through the rear view mirror.

"You guys are definitely on a roll! You're now up 50 dollars! Let's get to the next question!"

"Because this isn't gay at all…" Raito whispered over at L, watching the apathetic man simply tilt his head to the side.

"I find this somewhat amusing." L stated, wide eyes still perched over at Bailey's slightly shining receding head.

Raito sweat dropped.

"The opposite of agony, what euphoric state of bliss is derived from a Greek word meaning "trance"?"

"Ecstasy." The bored brunette began to examine his nails, quite sure this was the most boring game show ever. "And we know. 75 Dollar. Woo… hoo."

"…" Bailey glared at the boy sitting behind him, barely looking affected by the mean look at all. "Next… question…"

"Yes, Mr. Game Show Host?" The thin detective leaned forward, still staring at the back of Bailey's head.

"Err… well… Here's the next question. Also a simple card game, what is the term for a lonesome kernel of popcorn that remains unpopped?"

"The answer is 'Old Maid,' Mr. Game Show Host."

Bailey sweat dropped.

"You know, you don't really have to call me-"

"You are now known as Mr. Game Show Host. If this does not appeal to you, perhaps you should have chosen a different set of people to have picked up, Mr. Game Show Host?"

"Hm. Alright." Fingers tightened against the steering wheel of the taxi-cab. "So, you've racked up a total of 100 Dollars at this point. These next set of questions are worth 50 Dollars each, and are much harder than the last. Are you ready?"

"Wait, Mr. Game Show Host."

L turned to his partner in crime fighting/Kira suspect, finally tearing his gaze away from Bailey's slightly lumpy, yet still glistening head.

"I think Raito-kun and I should make this just a bit more interesting." The dark-haired sugar addict stated quite suddenly, taking both host and fellow contestant off guard.

"And what do you mean by that, Ryuuzaki?" Raito finally looked genuinely interested, knowing whatever the detective had in mind, it would definitely spice up the game.

"Between Raito-kun and I, this game would get immensely trite if we continually threw answers back and forth." L shuffled his sneaker clad feet, blinking innocently in the dimming light shining through the car windows. "How would Raito-kun like to make this a competition?"

"You mean whoever answers the most answers correctly… wins?" Raito looked over at the man skeptically, completely ignoring the game show host driving altogether. "And what do we win, exactly. Money isn't something we particularly need…"

L grinned perversely.

"Oh, you hentai."

"But I have not said anything yet, Raito-kun."

"You're creepy grin says it all, Ryuuzaki."

"Err… gentlemen?" Bailey stared over at the two men, eye continually twitching in agitation. "The game?"

"Of course." L still continued to eye Raito. "Raito-kun?"

"You're on, Ryuuzaki." Raito replied with his signature maniacal smirk, eyes twinkling with the age-old competiveness that thrived between them electrifying the air around them.

"Next question, Mr. Game Show Host?"

L's eyes stayed locked with Raito and likewise.

"… … …" Bailey's twitching eye somehow moved down to his mouth. "Members of the genus Helianthus, what large metal-extracting flowers were used to purify the radioactive water near Chernobyl?"

"The Sunflower!" Raito exclaimed, catching the older man off guard with his suddenly vibrant voice.

"Raito-kun would know the answer to a question about flowers." L mumbled.

"And what does that mean?" The brunette glared over at his lover, already knowing just what he was trying to say.

"Does Raito-kun really wish for me to specify?"


Both men shut their mouths almost immediately at the deranged tone in the game show host's voice.

"With its US headquarters in Redmond, Washington, what video game company is the majority owner of the Seattle Mariners?"

Strangely enough, there was no sound from either man.

"… Does Raito-kun play video-games?" The older man whispered as he bit his thumb unconsciously.

"And when would I have time to play video games, Ryuuzaki?" Raito rolled his eyes as he picked at his nails.

"Raito-kun actually having a life besides his studies, down fifteen percent."

"You son-of-a-bitch! Well, do you know the answer to the question, Mr. Smartass?!"

L hung his head in psuedo-shame.

"… Negative."


"Five seconds, boys." Bailey sounded almost smug about the fact.

"We shall be using our mobile shout-out, Mr. Game Show Host." L stated blandly, already grabbing his cell phone from his pocket and dialing a series of numbers without even looking down at the cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" Bailey suddenly asked, intrigued by the sudden look of concentration on the palid insomniac's face.

L gave the man one of his infamous blank stares.

"I am not at liberty to say."

Both Raito and Bailey sweat dropped.


Without another word, the ringing finally stopped as a familiar voice resonated from the other line.


"Do you know who this is?"

"Yah. What's up, L?"

"First off, put out that cigarette. You are destroying your esophagus and lungs that way."

"You are such a killjoy. Fine… there. You happy?"


"Five seconds, boys." Bailey repeated, trying to get the conversation going.

"We are on a game show named Cash Cab. Answer this question for me please. With its US headquarters in Redmond, Washington, what video game company is the majority owner of the Seattle Mariners?"

"Easy. Nintendo."

"Are you positive?"

"… L, just fucking say Nintendo and don't question my awesomeness when it comes to video-game knowledge."

"Of course. Thank you for your assistance. And please, keep the swearing at a minimum. You sound more educated that way."

"Whatever… I've got to get back to playing Halo 3. I'm totally pwning everybody on the field and handing them back their asses on silver platters."

Sigh. "Goodbye."


L clicked the phone shut, blinking as both men stared at him.

"My associate has announced that the answer to your question is Nintendo. Do you concur, Mr. Game Show Host?"

"That… is correct. You've just won 50 more dollars. You're up at 200 Dollars at this moment. Let's get to the next question, shall we?"

"Finally." Raito muttered, eyes blazing with an eagerness to win.

God knows what Ryuuzaki would want if he won.

"Created in the late 1970s and populated in the late 1980s, the Japanese phrase, "YAma nashi, Ochi nashi, Imi nashi" meaning "No climax, No point, No meaning" creates what popular acronym amongst anime fans?"

"Yaoi." Raito answered without thinking.

L blinked over at his young lover, mouth slightly open as his thumb popped out of his mouth.

Bailey simply shifted uncomfortably in the driver's seat.

Raito blushed, suddenly aware of the looks his companion and game show host were showering him with.

L was the first one to speak.

"Raito-kun is so gay it hurts."

"Shut the hell up, Ryuuzaki!"

"This is why Raito-kun shall always be the one to take it up the-"

"GOOD JOB, YOU GUYS! 50 DOLLARS FOR YOU! NEXT QUESTION!" Bailey interrupted the men before his cheeks burst out into flames, quite sure he was going to leave this cab scarred for life. "Oh dear sweet… A liberal version of a love triangle, what risqué type of tryst means "household of three" in French? Jesus, who the hell came up with these questions today?!"

All the men within the cab shifted almost imperceptibly.

"I believe the phrase is 'ménage à trios,' Mr. Game Show Host." L stared right into the back of Bailey's head, knowing the man could feel his intense gaze.

And see it from the rear view mirror.

There was an empty silence within the cab as Raito coughed within his hand.

"… Next question please?" L was the only one who looked completely unaffected by the suffocating silence.

"Uh… yeah. You've managed to garner a whole 300 Dollars. Now, we're moving onto our 100 Dollar questions. Same thing as the last time; just harder questions-"

"I can think of something else that was harder than it was five minutes ago."


"What, Raito-kun? I am simply speaking the truth. Would you like to feel?"


Raito shook his head, ignoring the Chibi-Look-of-Doom hanging off his captor's/boyfriend's/freakishly weird boss's face.

"Moving on." Bailey didn't think he would last much longer with these two insane maniacs. "What massive African lake was discovered by the British in 1858 and named after England's reigning monarch?"

"Lake Victoria." L answered blandly, his eyes gaining that competitive edge once more. "Next question please."

Raito blinked.

'Oh no you don't, L…'

"S-sure… In a celebrated trial of the 1980s, Claus von Bulow was accused of offing his wife with an overdose of what regulatory hormone?"

"Insulin!" Raito answered before the question was fully asked, knowing the look in L's eyes wasn't much different than his own at this point. "Let's get moving, buddy!"

"Abbreviated by TM what practice was founded by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who helped people achieve a higher consciousness?"

"The answer is 'transcendental meditation,' Mr. Game Show Host." L stared over at Raito, his focus entirely on the boy next to him.

Raito glared at him in return, refusing to back down from the challenge set up by the detective next to him.

All the tension…

It was kind of hot, actually.

But Raito digressed.

"You guys are really on a roll! 600 Dollars all raked up! Next question! What famed airplane dropped the first atomic bomb ever used in warfare?"

"The Enola Gay!"

The tension rose several notches, making Raito squirm in his seat as the look in L's gaze subtly shifted to something slightly more… desirable.

Oh dear God, there were cameras rolling.

Sadly enough, that did nothing to actually put off the 17-year-old about to be mauled in the back seat.


A glance at the rear view mirror showed the two men now trying to suffocate each other via mouth, L pushing the younger man down into the back seat in a fit of sudden out of character-ness. Tilting his head to the side, tongues roughly waged war with each other as Ben Bailey watched in horror through the rear view mirror.

The poor man's face flushed a vivid fuchsia at the sound of Raito moaning, L lowering his mouth down to his neck in a flurry of kisses and licks. The brunette's eyes closed as he sighed, laying his head against the cool glass of the taxi-cab window.


Fingers clenched against the fabric of L's crumple white tee-shirt as the older man began to suckle against the boy's pulse point, Raito hissing in pleasurable agony.

"You guys… TV show here…"

"Ryuuzaki…" began to push up the collar shirt the young teen was wearing, smooth, hot skin awaiting his touch as-


Both men blinked, the rigid form of Ben Bailey catching them off guard as they froze where they now lay.


"It seems we have forgotten ourselves, Raito-kun."

'No shit.' Was the look conveyed in the disheveled boy's eyes as he straightened himself up, L once again crouching on his side of the backseat of the taxi. "Next question, Mr. Game Show Host?"

Bailey didn't know whether to ask the damn question or just stop the taxi and run out of it screaming.

The older man's eye twitched as the camera's 'On' light twinkled, signifying the age-old saying; 'the show must go on.'

'Damn it all.'

"Ahem… In an often spoofed ad for Chrysler, Ricardo Mammutbaum extolled the virtues of what supposedly upscale variety of leather?"


"Raito-kun does not know the answer to this question?"

"I'm not all that into TV, let alone commercials, Ryuuzaki."

"Ah… I do not know the answer as well. I view television to be a waste of time, much like Raito-kun. I suppose we shall have to do a street shout-out."

"Alrighty!" Came the much too-perky reply from the abused game show host, pulling up to a curb and allowing Raito to pull his window down.

And when he did, did he ever see the perfect person for his question.


L blinked, wondering if Raito was seeing who he thought he was seeing…


If L could have sweat dropped, he would have.


Parents quickly took their children and power-walked away from the screaming brunette hanging out of the taxi-cab window and the leather-bound blonde cussing him out in return.

It was not a pretty sight…

Well, considering how girly both men looked, it was pretty…

But now L digressed.


The blonde stopped mid-shout, blinking at the man's head next to Raito's own glaring figure.

"Eh?" Raito blinked as recognition entered the blonde's dark-eyed gaze, mouth slightly parted in shock as L exuded the same sense of tranquil blandness as always.

"I need you to answer a question for me." The no-nonsense tone brought the temperamental blonde back to Earth, nodding in almost a military fashion as he then ignored the still-fuming brunette. "In an often spoofed ad for Chrysler, Ricardo Mammutbaum extolled the virtues of what supposedly upscale variety of leather?"

"Oh, that's easy. Corinthian leather." Mello answered without having to think about it, blinking in confusion at the strange question thrown his way.

"Should we trust the over-bearing fruit, Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked the pale man nibbling on his thumb.


"Look at him, Raito-kun. Who would know better about such things?"

Mello's eye brow twitched as both geniuses nodded in agreement.

"You guys are such ass-holes."

"Your answer?" Bailey tried to keep a straight-face, but it seemed he was destined to come in contact with nothing but insane gay men today. Not that he had a problem with the gay part…

"See ya later, Mr. McGimp!"

It was the insane part that got to him.

"Our answer is Corinthian leather, Mr. Game Show Host."

Really… really… insane.

"You… are correct."

"Well, who would have thought Right Said Fred would have the right answer to a question about leather?" Raito muttered sarcastically as the taxi began to pull away, Mello glaring at it for all it was worth (which probably wasn't much, if truth be told). "He was only covered from head to toe in tight cow-hide. For all we know, he's the missing member from the Village People we hear so much about."

"Raito-kun truly has a strange mind." L suddenly commented, ignoring the fact that not even five minutes before, he himself had been talking about his own penis and how much he wanted the miserable teen to touch it.

"From you, I'll take that as a compliment." The boy dryly stated, rolling his eyes in agitation.

"Last question you guys." Bailey looked weary, as if he had seen Hell and had come back both scarred and disfigured. "Soon, we'll be reaching your final destination and I'll never have to see you two nut-bags ever again."

Raito rolled his eyes as L dismissed the comment altogether, once again swerving his gaze to hit the back of Bailey's incredibly shiny head.

"This… should actually be easy for you guys." The man muttered, remembering how easily the boy's had answered the other questions. "Sometimes symbolized by nervousness, tendencies to be shy, and a general care for someone close, this emotion also known as "koigokoro", can destroy or build a person?"

Both men were completely silent, refusing to turn towards each other as a rapid blush enveloped both of their cheeks.



"Boys?" Bailey asked, wondering where the sudden stall was coming from.


"That is…"

The cab pulled up to the curb, the large hotel gleaming down at both the teen and adult as both men's cheeks continued to burn brightly like fluorescent lights.

"You've got ten seconds, boys."

'Thank God…' Bailey thought to himself, wondering if his enormous paycheck had really been worth all this insanity.

"Mr. Game Show Host?"

Bailey turned around, frowning at the sight of the two suddenly reticent boys. "Your answer, sirs?"

"I believe the answer is… ahem… love?"

The word came out almost hesitantly, as if the 25-year-old himself wasn't sure if it was right or not.

"You are… absolutely correct! Congratulations! You have answered all the questions correctly, and without a single error as well!" Bailey jumped up in his seat, practically grinning from ear to ear. "In all you've both have won over 900 Dollars altogether."

Bailey's grin faltered, knowing he was going to regret what was going to come out of his mouth, but not having any other choice. "Now, you can leave with the 900 Dollars or-"

"See ya later." Raito suddenly interrupted, already trying to open the door as Bailey face-faulted in exasperation.

"It is time we've said farewell." L said as well, slowly coming out of his crouched state.

"But… I didn't get to finish!" Bailey cried out, flinching as Raito grabbed the 900 Dollars from out of his hand, fully opening the door, already trying to haul both his and L's ass out of the car.

"Like we care. Quite frankly… we have better things to do."

"Like each other." The ebony-eyed detective added in, his perverted ulterior motives shining through and through.

Raito felt his eye twitch in agitation at the thought, knowing that he really had no choice or say in the matters of sex when it came to L.

"By the way…" L brought the boy to halt by tugging on the chain, nearly causing the boy to tumble over the side of the car in the process. "It was very nice to meet you, Mr. Game Show Host."

Bailey sweat dropped.

"Yeah… thanks."

Raito and L finally made it out the taxi, neither surprised at the speed the man managed to pull away from the curb and fly down the street at. The boy blinked over at his chained companion, wondering for the last time if things could ever be simple with the spindly detective.

"You're really going to let your face be shown all across the world on television like that?" The anxious brunette whispered to his lover, now worried about the amount of attention the show could gain for both their crazy antics and the potential dangers of L exposing himself like that.

"Of course not, Raito-kun." L continued to slump forward, a small, almost completely imperceptible smirk lying on his pale lips. "That is what Watari and my immense amount of connections is for."

"So you're saying that we just gave that poor man a nervous breakdown and took his 900 Dollars for nothing?" The 17-year-old genius asked warily, somehow feeling the poor game show host's pain.

"Well… I did win the challenge, so all was not wasted for naught." Raito did a double-take, glaring at the detective smugly staring at him with impassive eyes.

"What do you mean you won?" The agitated brunette exclaimed, quite sure he was going to have an aneurism by the time he was 18.

"I answered 8 of the 14 questions thrown our way." L stared up at the ceiling of the fine hotel they were now staying at, his smirk having grown in proportion. "Two of the questions were answered by my own associates, so it is only fair to count them as my own."

"That's not fair." Raito felt his hand twitching in anger, itching to punch the overly-smug insomniac in the face.

"Life is not fair, Raito-kun…" L grinned perversely, happily taking the twitching hand within his own as he forcefully pulled the young boy to the receptionist's desk within the hotel lobby, ignoring the many strange glances sent the handcuffed-pair's way.

"You're going to make me do something perverted, aren't you?" Raito whispered, his face turning a bright magenta red.

L simply smirked in response.

What Raito didn't know…

Well, what Raito didn't know was certainly going to hurt his ass later on.