I fell head first. My whole life flashed before my eyes. No it didn't. Just one thing came to my mind.
"Edward." I whispered and closed my eyes. I stretched my arms out. His name tasted so sweet on my lips. Just right.
At least that was what I intended to do... wasn't it? I started to panic and my eyes flew open just like I had awoken from a hypnosis. What was I doing? Trying to kill myself? Again? Oh come on Swan! My feet were still on the balcony and I swung my hands back to grab the railing but I couldn't get a hold on it. I was tiling forwards.
"No!" I screamed and out of pure desperation I tried to turn around which made my feet slip and I fell. "Edward!" I cried. My last desperate cry.
At least that was what I thought. Because when I screamed his name I felt his hand grab mine. I looked up in his horrified eyes and swallowed hard.
"Please... please don't let go." I begged. He let out a dry laugh and reached out his other hand for me to grab and I did. He tried to pull me up but he couldn't. He took a deep breath and tried again. I saw how is face reddened. I felt how the wind ripped on my dress. I was swinging wildly back and forth. I felt my shoe slip and out of pure reflex I looked down. Oh my god. What was I thinking!? Right than he must have slipped. Because I fell... only inches but I was closer to the ground. I screamed.
I looked back up and saw that he was half way over the railing. Just another slip and we would both die. I looked down again and only now saw the iron fence. Perfect. Just perfect. Not a little chance of surviving.
"Fuck." He groaned. "Help!" He screamed. "Somebody! I need help here! Emmett!!" He was panicking. And another slip. Another couple of inches. Another scream coming out of my mouth. The tears streamed down my face. I knew nobody would hear us with the loud music going on downstairs. This was hopeless. We wouldn't make it... at least not both of us. I looked up in his exhausted face.
"Edward." I whispered but he didn't listen. He tried to pull me up once more. He couldn't hold it up much longer. "Edward, honey, listen to me... will you?" I said and stroked his wrists with a free fingertip. That got his attention. Love was about letting go the one that you love. "Do you love me?" I asked him and he gave me a shocked look.
"Of... course..." He coughed out. He couldn't even breathe anymore. I cried even harder.
"Good... good honey because I love you, too, as much as I have always done." I confessed and he gave me a relieved smile. "I don't know what came over me when I decided to jump from this stupid balcony but I know what pulled me back into reality. It was you. You are my everything. Everything I need. And the only reason everything was so messed up the last couple of months was because I felt like I was losing you. And without you there would be no reason to continue my life..."
"But... I... love... you..." He got out. I nodded and cried even harder. His whole face was turning red. He was suffocating.
"I know that now honey. And it gives me peace..." I sighed. "I need you to do something for me Edward." I whispered but he heard me. His eyes got big and he shook his head violently.
"No. No, no, no,no... you... can't. I won't. Love. No." He gasped.
"Listen Edward. We won't survive this. Not both of us. And I don't want you to die. Not like this. Not now. Not because of me. Not because of some stupid decision I made." I got out between crying.
"I need you to be strong Edward. I need you to do this for me. Love is about doing whats best for the other. And pulling you down with me... literary... I can't let you die."
"But you can leave me? Without you? You can just go and let me suffer forever?" He got out. He was angry.
"Edward... I don't want any of that. I want you to be happy again. I want you to be an amazing doctor that saves people's lives everyday. I want you to find a cure against cancer and most importantly... I want you to... get over me." The last part was the hardest. For a second I thought it was raining but when I looked up I realized that it was Edward's tear that fell on my face. He shook his head but I nodded. "Find a pretty girl that is not so twisted and have a million babies and... be happy... just be happy..." I whispered and cried even harder. I knew it was the right way but it was so hard. I heard him cry out in pain and than I slipped another couple of inches. Now he was almost falling. Enough.
"OK Edward. Let go." I ordered. But he shook his head.
"No." He said.
"Edward..." I was exhausted.
"I can't. I don't care what you want. Call me selfish but I want to be with you. No matter where you are. The first time I saw you... getting out of that limousine your hair reflecting in the sun looking like liquid caramel... I... I have never seen anything so perfect... when I brought you home the night you were drunk in that golden dress I remember how I thought that I needed you in my life or I would never make it through... the first time you told me you loved me... on our way back to Washington... I felt so invincible and peaceful... like nothing could ever hurt me because you were with me. And I love you. Still. I love you. I will never stop. There would never be a time I would be happy without you. There would never be a doctor Masen, there would never be another Mrs. Masen for you are the only one that I want to be called that way."
I shook my head and cried. "Edward I don't want you to die." I begged.
"And I don't want you to either." He said.
"Let me go." I begged.
"I can't." He cried out.
"Than I'll help you." I had my mind set.
"Oh no you won't." He growled.
"I love you." I whispered and let go of his hands.
"HELP! I NEED SOME FUCKING HELP OUT HERE!" Edward screamed while getting a grip on my wrists which were slowly slipping out of his hands. I was sliding out of his grip.
"Edward I love you. I love you. I love you." I whispered.
"HELP!! FUCK EMMETT GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!" He yelled.
"Edward. Let go." I begged. "Please."
"Shut up." He growled and right than I felt his grip tighten and I stopped sliding. It hurt but I was safe. I looked up at him. Wondering where the strength was coming from. But right than I felt myself rise up. I was confused but relieved at the same time. I was being pulled all the way up until Edward's legs gave in and I collapsed on top of him.
"Thanks man... that was really last second." Edward gasped. I didn't know who helped him and I didn't care. He was save. I clenched to his clothes not thinking about letting go ever again and I cried. God I cried. I cried for what seemed to be hours and Edward held me. He stroked my back and was patient even though the floor must have been icy.
At some point I sighed and got off of him. I wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. Edward got up as well and leaned against the railing. I did the same on the opposite side of him- even though I didn't dare to lean too far in it. He gave me a long look and than sighed. I knew what he was thinking and I let my head hang down in shame.
"What am I suppose to do with you? Can you tell me? Because slowly but surely I am not sure anymore." He mumbled and I nodded my head. I knew what he was talking about.
"I am sorry." I mumbled and I dared to look up at him. He turned his back to me and looked far away into the distance.
"Sorry for what Bella? There is so much you must be sorry for." He mumbled and I let my head hang down. "You left me in every way possible. You gave me the feeling that I was just some tool... not more." I looked up.
"You were never a tool Edward." I said.
"Sometimes I thought we were just together because of the connections." He confessed and I gasped.
"You can't possibly mean that." I got out. I was starting to get mad. He turned around and stared at me. I crossed my arms in front of my chest.
"Well what am I suppose to think when you spent more time with some guys that are not me? And when did we have sex for the last time?" He asked and I gave him a mean glare.
"So you try to say that I cheated on you?" I growled.
"That's what you said." He mumbled. I couldn't help it. I stomped over to him and slapped him across the face. I was huffing and looked him straight in the eyes when his astonished ones met mine.
"Edward. Anthony. Masen. Are you trying to say I am a whore?" I growled.
"Can you proof you aren't." He challenged and I let out an ironic laugh.
"OK. I don't believe that. Right now I wish I had pulled you down the balcony!" I shouted. Edward raised an eyebrow.
"Well it didn't sound like it a while ago." He responded.
"Probably because you were all sweet to me back than and not this freaking blown up ass I came to know back when I was fucking 18 and should have known better than to fall for you... story of my life. I fall for the wrong guys." I mumbled.
"Oh I am the wrong guy now? Oh I am sorry! What made me the wrong guy all of a sudden? Should I have given you some condoms every time you went out of the house without me?" He spat. I clenched my hands to fists.
"Oh no. That wouldn't have been necessary. You're the only guy that needs a rubber glove when it comes to my center." I responded just as harsh. His eyes formed to slits and I gave him a wining smile. He stepped forward and pressed me against the railing until his hands were on either side of me and he was leaning down to me.
"Fuck Bella. Take that back." He growled. What? That wasn't funny? I swallowed. His eyes practically told me not to mess with him.
"Oh please you started this conversation. I actually wanted to talk about the needs of my clients a while ago already. Especially about Jack... well when he still was my client. He was into this whole bondage thing I thought it was very...."
"ISABELLA! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He really yelled that at me. I gave him a shocked look but quickly composed my face again and gave him that I-don't-give-a-shit-face.
"What Edward? I thought that was what you wanted." I said and he came even closer. My breath hitched and my heart beat so fast that I thought it would jump right out of my chest and into his. I smiled. Somehow- symbolically spoken- it was a nice idea.
"What the fuck are you smiling at?" He growled. Oh he was mad I didn't even dare to look up at him but on the other hand I thought that it served him right. He indirectly called me a whore after all.
"Nothing... I just remembered my first time with someone other than you..." Oh I was pushing it. I knew. Especially when he pressed me even closer to the railing so that I was sitting on it. He pushed my legs apart and made a step forward. Damn I got hot right that second. He came closer until his lips touched my ear. Oh my god. That's when my hand slipped and I fell backwards but he held me in place.
"Stop that shit Swan. I mean it. You never had someone other than me." He growled against my ear. His lips touching it- oh god that was hot. I couldn't speak. Not one word. "You. Are. Mine. You are wearing my fucking ring you are my property- you don't fuck other man." He growled and by now my breathing was so out of tune that I thought I would faint any minute. To say that I was only hot but bothered was the understatement of the century. How could he possibly make me feel this way by saying such things? I felt his hot breath against my neck and closed my eyes. I let my head fall back with a groan and my hands slid down his chest. "I mean it Isabella. This is fucking serious." He warned and I let out another groan. Oh yes it was. My hands stopped when they found the waist band of his pants and I pulled him to me. His grip on my waist tightened immediately and I felt his fingers curl up into my skin. I moaned again and bit my lip. He was so close now. He let his lips stroke my ears and I thought I was going to tumble over the edge- literary. "What do you want Isabella?" He asked in his hard voice.
"Kiss me." I said with the last bit of the strength I had. And he did. Oh god and how he did it. I don't think I had finished the sentence when his lips were already pressed on mine and my legs were around his waist. He got us off the railing and pressed me against the wall. I broke the kiss because of another moan and he continued kissing my collarbone. "Oh Edward." I breathed because I wanted to say something but didn't know what. He kissed me, teased me, nibbled my skin. Oh my god.
"Isabella you need to shut up or we have an audience soon." He said and I bit my lip. How am I possibly going to shut up when he says stuff like that?
My fingers went under his shirt. Hungry for his skin and I smiled when I felt it. Skin on skin. God how I had missed it. I felt his shoulder and than his chest I let go of him and than ran up his arms to his wrists and back. I opened his shirt quickly. I had done it so often it was a matter of seconds and he removed it and the white t-shirt underneath as well. And there he was. On Christmas Eve. Bare chested. Thank you Santa. I looked at him, he looked at me and than he kissed me again. Hard and fast. I let my hands run over his bare chest and sighed. Yes. This was heaven. And than I felt it. I stopped. I just froze. Edward noticed and looked at me in concern but I looked at his chest.
A bump. Nothing serious. Just a bump. On his left ribs. I knew it hadn't been there before...
"What's wrong?" He asked. I gave him a half smile.
"Nothin'... now kiss me." I said and he did. But I didn't get back into it. My mind was racing. It couldn't be... but it must... and of course it could be... who was I kidding? This was my fault. He had a broken rib because of me. I hurt him that way. I did that. Tears were streaming down my face. He must have broken a rib when he fought with Jack. I let go of his side and tried to erase that night from my brain. I grabbed his hair for support. God Edward don't let me go. Edward's lips left mine and I didn't dare to open my eyes. I just kept still and sobbed as quietly as I could. I felt him kiss my cheekbone softly and than the other one and than my cheek even more softly. It took me a while until I realized he was kissing my tears away.
"Oh baby." He whispered and kissed my mouth softly. "My sweet, lovely angel don't cry." He whispered against my lips and stroked my arms. I took a shaky breath and opened my eyes. He was looking at me in concern.
"I- I- I am sorry." I sobbed. He gave me a small smile.
"I know love." He whispered back and kissed my forehead.
"I hurt you." I cried and he still smiled while wiping a tear away.
"I know love." He repeated and I looked at his rib. I slowly let my index finger run over the bump.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered.
"Because it wasn't a big deal." He answered and I looked at him with big eyes.
"Not a big deal? You broke your rib!" I almost yelled and started crying harder after I finished. He chuckled lowly and wrapped his arms around my waist. I was still pressed against the wall.
"Oh my little, broken angel. It's worse than it looks." He whispered and kissed my hair.
"How can you say that?" I cried out.
"Well it was already broken love. I broke it years ago during a tennis match." He explained and I looked at him in shock.
"But I've never seen it before." I said. He nodded.
"Because when Jack kicked me it kind of deformed again. It's not entirely broken... just a little bit." He said and I gave him a look of disbelieve.
"Oh my god and I am in your arms. I must be hurting you like crazy right now. Let me down!" I demanded. He shook his head.
"No." His grip tightened.
"But I hurt you." I gasped. He shook his head once more.
"No. But you will when you leave my arms." He whispered and I gave him a long look.
"Why aren't you mad? I hurt you so badly." I whispered finally.
"Oh please. Even though I call you my angel it doesn't mean I don't know that you're making lots of mistakes as every normal human does. You made a mistake. So?" He said and shrugged his shoulders.
"But I lost you." I said. He kissed my lips.
"You'll never loose me." He said and I sighed. "Let's look at this from my point of view. You saved women by offering your own life. You caught two killers and you saved your friends. Why should I be mad?" He asked.
"Because it was my fault they were in danger, because it was my fault Chey is in a coma, because I didn't think about anything but the case for weeks, because..."
"Wow... ok hold on woman! That's not true. You did the only right thing. You did what your gut feeling told you and you saved women from being raped and killed. You are a hero." He said and smiled at me stroking my cheek lightly. "You are my hero." He whispered.
"But you told me to let it go." I whispered.
"Because I didn't want anything bad happen to you and as bad as it sounds I would rather have every woman on this world get killed as long as you stay with me." He said and I bit my lip. It was horrible to say something like that and on the other hand I knew he was right. "I think you needed your time to sort things out. To get back into your normal life. You needed time to fight the angst in you. You needed to become strong again and that's what you did the past days. And now look at you! All done with college, you look beautiful, and you are back in my arms. What is there to be sorry for?" He smiled and for the first time in a long time I felt like there was a weight being lifted from my shoulders. He stroked my face slowly and gave my nose a quick kiss. "What do you think Isabella?" He whispered and I smiled.
"I think you are right." I said and I meant it. Edward laughed and kissed me happily. I kissed him back and after we parted we smiled at each other like two dumb people. He finally sighed and let me down. I gave him a questioning look until he got a red box out of his suit pocket.
"I got you something." He whispered and pressed his forehead against mine. I smiled.
"You shouldn't have." I whispered back and stroked his cheek.
"Oh please I bet you have one for me as well." He retorted and I giggled.
"See! Now open it." He demanded and slipped the red box in my fingers. I sighed.
"I already got an engagement ring you know?" I mumbled and he laughed.
"Open it Swan." He teased and I giggled. And so I did. I opened the box never losing contact to Edward's forehead. I gasped.
"Edward!" I groaned. He took the golden bracelet out of the box and held it in his hands.
"Do you know what this is?" He asked.
"Obviously. But this is a very special one. Something that I get pleasure from as well." He said and chuckled. Uh oh... knot in the bottom of my stomach... how does he do this? "This is the official Cartier Love Bracelet!" He said and I giggled.
"I like it already." I whispered and he chuckled again.
"Oh you better wait till you've heard all of it." He said. Hm? "It was invented in the 60's by a Cartier-Designer who was really fascinated with the chastity belts the knights used back in the medieval age. There were different things the knights did to mark their women as theirs but the whole meaning behind it was that when they were in a battle every other man could see that they were taken." He paused and I gasped. Oh my gosh. Did he want to drive me crazy? "This" He held the bracelet up a little. "Is what is left from that time. A bracelet the woman wears and everybody that is interested knows immediately she is taken." He whispered in my ear and I thought my knees were going to give in any second.
"But the woman could take it off. How can the man be in control?" I asked. He chuckled darkly and got something out of his coat pocket. It was a long golden necklace with a little golden cylinder as a pendant. "What is that?" I asked and he smiled.
"This is the control." He whispered and smirked. I bit my lip and waited for him to continue. Was it just me or did the temperature just raise to about 120 degrees? "This is a little screw driver and something you will NEVER under any circumstances be allowed to touch." He said and held it out of my reach. "Because this screw driver takes out the two screws which function as the lock of the bracelet." He explained and now I saw the two screws between the diamonds. I gasped. He looked at me- he gave me a long look. "I told you it was more for me than for you." He said but in reality he didn't know how much I actually loved it.
"It is perfect." I whispered. He started to get the screws out and I watched. When he had both parts of the bracelet in his hands he gave me a questioning look.
"So what do you think? Are you ready for this? Are you ready for being only mine?" He asked and I swallowed. Did he actually know how much I wanted him right now. All his? Like his property? Oh my god. He is so hot and amazing and perfect. I bit my lip and looked at him. "There is no going back you know?" He added and I smiled.
"I know." I answered and stretched out my right arm. "And there is also nothing I would rather want to wear than this bracelet because I don't want anything more than to know always that I am yours." I added. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes for a second.
"God Bella." He whispered. Than he opened them again and smiled at me. He took my hand and put the bracelet on my arm. He put the screws in and I watched him closely. After he was done he put the necklace around his neck, buttoned his shirt and corrected his tie. I gave him a pouty look and he chuckled. He took my right arm in his hand and looked at me. "Don't be disappointed. We have all night and we have to make up a lot..." He whispered. Oh my god. That moment I was so glad I didn't kill myself! He looked at my arm. Proud. Than he kissed the knuckles of my hand and than my new bracelet. "I like it very much. It suits you very well." He whispered while looking at me. I smiled. He pulled me over to him and we started to dance to the faint music we heard from the band downstairs.
"What about the necklace?" I asked.
"I will wear it every day for the rest of my life. It's our little not so innocent secret." He growled and I sighed. He was just so perfect and I wanted him on me right now. But I had to wait... I guessed that this was all part of his plan. I took my head from his shoulder and looked at him.
"How can you forgive me? How is it possible to just forget what I have done? Why don't you hate me? Why are you able to forget that I almost killed myself twice?" I took a deep breath and stared into his amazing green eyes. "Why can you forgive me that I hurt you so much?" I asked desperately. I needed the real answer before I was able to let it go forever. I needed a closure. Now and here on Christmas Eve. He smiled at me and stroked my cheek. He gave me this sincere look that made me want to faint in his strong arms just because I knew he would carry me up to my bed and take care of me. "Why?" I asked in a small whispered. He gave me an even bigger smile and a soft kiss before he made eye contact again.
"Because I love you, Isabella. It's because I love you."
So guys... that's it... I am done... for now... It's going to be a triology and some of the new chapters are already done but right now I just have a burn out and need to think of something else but the presure of updating like I used to. So give me a break- which I know you will. Because you are all such amazing people and I love you.
I will update another chapter which will be an A/N. But in a couple of days of course with lots of extra features I am really excited about!! :-)
Until than- Love you guys and I hope you liked the last chapter for now! :-(