So, I know starting this story is like suicide but I couldn't not post it. So I did, hopefully this first chapter tells you enough about the background as you need to know. It's AU. Ryan doesn't live with the Cohen's, but with his mom in Newport. Hmm, RT of course, don't know how to write anything else...

Chapter 1

He had been my first. Not as in the first guy I had sex with but the first guy that had ever shown me their private parts. We were five. Our mother's had sat up this play date for us just so they could talk. We were up in my bedroom when it happened. I was a very curious little girl, wanting to know why he had extra parts that I didn't have. It just hadn't made sense to me at the time. So, the whole 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' issue came up. I wasn't hesitant for a second to pull down my skirt and panty's it had been him who took his time. I remember seeing it and wondering how in the hell that got there. That's when we were caught. I had never heard my mother scream so loudly.

He had also been my first kiss. We were seven when it happened. To this day I vow that it was a complete accident. He shouldn't have been sitting in front of me, or he wouldn't have had his lips attacked by mine. Poor guy freaked out and ran away from me. I only giggled and went about my day.

We were best friends until his thirteenth birthday. He told me that his 'new' friends were much cooler than I was so he didn't even invite me to his birthday party. I remember crying for days in my locked bedroom. That's the year my dad left. It was also the year my mother had started picking on me.

Ryan Atwood had always, and will always be, my weakness. It's been three years since I've actually spoken to him. At first he would still say hi to me in the halls at school or whenever I saw him out and about. It wasn't until last year that he started dating Marissa Cooper that he completely blocked me out.

Marissa Cooper was my step-sister of all things. When I was fourteen my father married her gold-digging mother. I had gone to the wedding to only see Marissa and Ryan there together. It was a miserable time. I haven't seen my father since, even if he only lived five houses down from me.

Ryan had started running with Luke Ward and his crew. I wasn't sure what he saw in those pigs but according to him they were way cooler than I was.

Ryan had completely changed from when we were kids growing up. Sometimes I see his mother, Dawn Atwood, at the store or something. She stops me and tells me how much she misses seeing me around her house all of the time. She says that she can't stand Marissa Cooper and really wishes Ryan and I had stuck as friends.

She and my mom had once been best friends but something or other happened that messed that up completely. According to my mom Dawn had become addicted to drugs and became an alcoholic but that's just my mother speaking. She doesn't count. The woman feeds off of anything anyone tells her and makes it much worse than it really is.

Ryan's father, Frank Atwood, owns this large company in New York. He had left Dawn and Ryan when Ryan and I were 11. Ryan has an older brother, Trey. The second he could he bolted off towards New York to live with their father. Ryan had told me he didn't care and that he liked it better without his dad hitting him and his brother picking on him.

I remember when his dad would hit him. I'd take care of his cuts and bruises before his mom could see them, he didn't want her to worry about him or get mad at his dad for hurting him. I remember telling him it would be better if he just told his mom. He hadn't though. His mom found out on her own. Hence his father leaving them.

I remember we got into this huge fight that summer because he thought it was me who told his mom about his dad hitting him. His mom had been the one to tell him the truth. I couldn't believe he'd even think I'd do a thing like that but he was Ryan and I couldn't not forgive him, so I did and we were fine…well only for a year or so more.

I thought after Ryan had stopped being friends with me that I'd be alone. That didn't happen. That same year I met Lindsey Gardner. She happened to have a nephew that was our age, Seth Cohen. I don't really talk to him but he's friends with Ryan from what I've heard. I basically know all my information from either Lindsey or Seth about Ryan. It's sad that we grew up together and he won't even speak to me now. It's a little annoying but I've learned to live with it. I have no choice, really.

I've decided this year to make school my top priority. To stop caring about whether Ryan Atwood will talk to me again or not.

That was all until I walked into my first class of my junior year. I usually liked to get there early to get a good seat and talk to the teacher a bit before class started but today my mother had something to talk to me about making me later than usual.

My luck there was only one seat left in the entire class. Of course, the person to occupied the seat next to the empty one was Ryan Atwood. I sucked my breath in a bit before making my way over to him. He glanced at the seat and then at me, then looked around the rest of the class and let out a loud groan. He got out of his seat so I could slide in to the one that sat by the window.

"Perfect, first day of school and I'm already having to sit next to Dorksend." I almost couldn't believe he said that. Then I remembered who his friends were exactly. Then it got me wondering as to why he was friends with Seth Cohen. Seth Cohen wasn't much different than I am. He and Seth didn't even have the history that he and I had. It just doesn't make much sense to me at all.

"Sorry for ruining your day." I said back. The teacher told us to stop talking. Then he assigned our partners.

"Ryan Atwood, Taylor Townsend." And I thought my day couldn't get any worse. Okay, so I am excited to be working with Ryan all year but judging by the look on his face he's not happy about it all. I look down at myself. Am I that bad looking of a person? What have I done exactly to make him be such a jerk to me?

That doesn't matter. All that matter's is I have to make it a point to make Ryan actually speak to me this year. Change of plans on not caring about him. I'm not going through another year without an explanation. I at least deserve that.