Title: 27 Tries
Chapter: 1/6 (Planned for 6 anyway)
Pairing: Sanji x Zoro
Warnings: Zoro may seem slightly OC and this work contains shounen-ai as in there is/will be a guy liking/loving another guy.

Crossposted to the zosan community via my livejournal account.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. All characters belong rightfully to Oda Echiro.

Attempt 1: During an epic battle with an enemy pirate crew (*Note: Not to be confused with Attempt 6)

He blamed it on the adrenaline. Then he blamed himself for being weak enough to blame it on the adrenaline in the first place. He was Roronoa Zoro! He didn't beat around the bush like some pansy.

Which is probably why he asked Sanji to marry him while they stood back to back in the center of a circle, surrounded by five hundred of their current enemies best men. Poor bastards never stood a chance.

And apparently neither, did Zoro. Sanji just gave him a flat look and said no.

Attempt 1 - FAILURE
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.
Zoro notes: Damn. Stupid love cook probably wanted something more romantic.

Attempt 2: Aided by Flowers

To be fair, he honestly thought girls liked flowers. Well that's what all the books said anyway. Of course then again, the girls he did know, were Tashigi, Nami, Kuina, and Robin, and of those 4, 2 were more interested in swords then flowers, Nami would only appreciate it if said flower was made from Beli, and Robin… well Robin could appreciate a flower or two but she was more interested in ruins, history, and books about history. So he supposed that really should have been his first hint that he should just fuck the flowers and go on to Attempt 3.

But hey, swirly brow always gave flowers to ladies so he'd probably appreciate it.

So Zoro walked up to Sanji while they were finishing getting ready to leave, shoved the flowers at him and asked him again.

Sanji looked at the poor attempt at a bouquet (they were scraggly and wilting and more than half dead and probably would have been cute but wasn't that a-) and screamed in a very high pitched, unmanly manner, before dropping it and scrambling up to the ship.

Zoro looked confusedly after the rapidly retreating figure before picking up the bouquet and finding the little spider nestled within it.

Laughing loudly he supposed that the only way to interpret such a reaction was as a no.

Attempt 2 - FAILURE
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.
Zoro notes: Well fuck that! It was worth it to see the bastard scream like a girl. And hey- I always thought it was weird that people thought giving dead things to other people was considered to be romantic. Poor taste the lot of them.

Attempt 3: Aided by Chocolate

Because his last attempt hadn't worked so well, he figured he needed a different course of action. So naturally, this one involved chocolates. (Because in his mind, the idiot love cook was more inclined to just agree if his was of asking was somewhat romantic.)

The problem was, there was a lot of damn chocolate to choose from. Dark, Milk, White, with nuts, fruits, nuts and fruits, caramel, unsweetened, bittersweet, semi-sweet… it just went on and on and what the hell did you need so many flavours for anyway? Figures- cooks were always making everything complicated, with their cooking and morals, choice of clothing and with relationship matters-

Zoro paused with his internal rant and snapped out of his self-justified brooding long enough to stare questioningly at the block of chocolate before him. It was just that- a simple block that could've been mistaken for a brick in size and shape, and from what Zoro understood, was specifically designed to be used in cooking. Well. Wasn't that handy? After all, he needed chocolate, Sanji was a cook, and therefore this… cooking chocolate was the perfect solution.

Zoro felt proud.

…Well he did until he presented it to the ero-cook, asked again, and was promptly shot down. After Sanji took the chocolate.

Attempt 3 – FAILURE
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.
Zoro notes: Stupid cook… if he was going to refuse I want my chocolate back! Not that I know what to do with it, but hey, you never know when you'll need a block of milk chocolate. Like when distracting Luffy.

Attempt 4: A Romantic Dinner for Two

Ok, this just had to work. It was so cliché it almost made him want to gag. Oh wait. He actually did just gag. But he was Roronoa Zoro and he was anything if not persistent.

He was wearing a freshly washed shirt (which had the holes patched and as few blood stains as possible) and had resigned himself to being polite (he wouldn't call Sanji any names).

Just then Sanji walked in.

"Oi, Marimo. What's all this?" He had an incredulous look on his face. That was good right?


"And just where did you get the food?" He couldn't read Sanji's expression. Probably trying to get over the shock.

"From our provisions." Did Sanji just twitch?

"And how did you prepare it?"

"Nami helped me." Stupid sea witch charged him a fortune for it too.

"And why have you done all this?" Yeah, he was definitely twitching.

"Because I wanna ask you to marry me and you like things like romantic dinners and crap right?"

"So let me get this straight," Oh. Well. That can't be good. Sanji's got that I'm-so -going-to-kick-your-ass look on his face. "You used up our provisions when we're still a week away from the nearest island, then asked the beautiful Nami-swan to cook said provisions, then call this a romantic dinner all so that you could ask me to marry you?"

"Yup, that pretty much summarizes it." Sanji kicked him. Hard.

"Baka Marimo"

"…Is that a no?"

Sanji just kicked him again.

Then stormed off to the men's room. (But not before taking the nicely laid out food and storing what he could and bringing back what couldn't with him to eat- he didn't want his precious Nami-swan's love made food to go to waste of course!)

Attempt 4 – FAILURE
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board.
Zoro notes: None available. Probably because he was knocked unconscious.

Attempt 5: After a Walk on the Beach

In the romance novel he had borrowed from Robin (because Robin was marginally better than Nami and wouldn't charge him) that he'd forced himself to read for tips after his last 4 attempts had failed, the protagonist proposes to his latest love after a romantic walk on the beach.

Tch. Well, why the hell not right?

"Hey shit cook." He picked up his pace.

"What?" Sanji kicked a little sand backwards.

"Marry me?" Sanji tripped a little. Zoro glanced in his direction but otherwise didn't slow down.

"Shitty swordsman-"

"What, ero-cook?"

"-We're running down the beach-"

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"-With a happily sleeping captain slung between us, who passed out after practically cleaning out this town's supermarket-"

"Are you doing a running narrative? Because I'm right here you know, so I don't need you to tell me."

"-While a crowd of angry townspeople chase us-"

"Is this some sort of game where you point out the obvious? Because, for one, that's a stupid game and for another, now is definitely not a good time to be playing it."

"-And you're pea sized brain decided NOW was an appropriate time to propose?"

"I thought people proposed after romantic walks on the beach?"

"Are you brain dead? What about this is romantic?"

"Well we're on a beach and… running is just a faster version of walking right? So shut up and appreciate my attempts swirly brow."

"…When we get back, I am so kicking your ass, moss head."

"Another no? Pain in the ass cook…"

"Oh, and Usopp wants his drawing board back."

Attempt 5 – FAILURE
Status: Back to Usopp's drawing board. (Which I am NOT giving back yet.)
Zoro notes: Well screw this romantic shit. This stuff's for wuss's who most certainly are not Roronoa Zoro, greatest swordsman in the world (to be). I'm trying something different next time.

To Be Continued…