A/N: This is my first multi-chaptered story. Don't be too hard on me if it sucks.
How could he?
As I stand in the girls' bathroom, all I can think of as the tears are pouring down my face is:
He had to know how much I wanted to be his friend. He had to know how much I was looking forward to being his partner in Charms. How could he be so rude?
I was only trying to help! He was being so ignorant and stubborn, and I was only trying to teach him how to say the spell properly! How could he be so unappreciative of the hand I was lending him, trying to improve his spellwork so he could do well in class?
Wait, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about. And why I'm crying in a stall in the girls' toilet. So I'll start from the beginning.
On the Hogwarts Express on the way to school, I was so nervous yet extremely excited to be starting school. I was completely prepared, having already changed into my school robes and having studied all of my course books. I wasn't sure about making new friends, as that had always been difficult even when I was little in my Muggle school. I was optimistic though. I even made an effort to talk to Harry Potter and his stupid red-headed friend, although I'm not sure my advice and small talk was much appreciated.
When my lack of the ability to make friends became painfully obvious and unavoidable to me, I began grasping at straws, using methods of meeting new people that were perhaps illogically thought out, such as offering to help someone with their homework and then correcting the whole assignment, or boasting about my achievements in Transfiguration, thinking that someone would find my being able to turn a match into a needle impressive and immediately want to be my friend. What can I say? I was desperate!
I wanted to be included in someone else's life, to be able to share my feelings with another person, to depend of them and care for them. I could not find that kind of relationship with Lavender or Parvati: they were just too unlike me, giggling all the time and fussing with their hair.
I decided to turn to the boys. Maybe I could fit in with them. Dean and Seamus had each other, but maybe I could find a place with them. It would seem that I could get along with Dean, since he was also from a Muggle home, but all he cared about was sports, and Seamus was too…boyish, for want of a better word. He did not seem like the kind of person who would accept me; rather he would be the kind of person to laugh at my bookishness, my hair, my teeth.
I observed Neville next. He seemed like a nice, sweet boy who could use a little of my help, especially in the Potions area. Plus, he didn't really seem to have anybody else, just like me. I began to give him tips and advice concerning our lessons and homework, and he seemed to appreciate my help. I thought I had found my perfect match. But then he got a little clingy and needy, and believe me, he probably did need me, but I didn't want to be in a one-way friendship either. I decided to be helpful and kind and understanding, but I could not be his best friend. Neville sort of eased my anxiety about finding friends a little, but I was looking for someone who I could spend all my time with, and always care for.
My only other option for boys in my year and house was Harry and Ron. Ron could be kind of like Seamus sometimes, rude and insensitive, but Harry, I could tell, was different. He didn't sneer in people's faces or laugh at them, and he didn't really judge them the way I could tell most people judged me. And he definitely had some influence on Ron. Like if Ron said something nasty about someone, he wouldn't just stand there, but he would say something to Ron about it. And I could tell he was a loyal friend when first, he chose Ron, without hesitation, over Draco, and second, when he risked expulsion to stand up for Neville and retrieve his Remembrall from Draco. Ron really wasn't all that horrible, but he had his moments.
Which brings me back to the incident that brought me here to this dank and smelly bathroom.
We were sitting in Charms class, about to finally learn how to levitate objects, something I had been excited to do since Professor Flitwick had demonstrated it in class and told us we'd be able to do it soon too. I got paired up with Ron, and I'd thought to myself, This is the perfect opportunity to get to know him, and to show him what a great, smart friend you can be.
And then he was saying the spell all wrong, and I needed to show him how to say it correctly, or else we would never get our feather into the air. So I told him, "You're saying it wrong. It's Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa, make the 'gar' nice and long."
And he snapped back, "You do it then, if you're so clever."
What else could I do but respond to the challenge?
I rolled up my sleeves and said, "Wingardium Leviosa!"
And the feather actually levitated! I was so excited that I'd accomplished this goal of mine and had done magic that I didn't even notice that Ron wasn't congratulating me or commenting on my nice spellwork, though I got plenty of praise from Professor Flitwick. I didn't realize he would resent my intended help.
Which is why I guess I was so surprised when I overheard Ron saying, "No wonder no one can stand her, she's a nightmare, honestly."
I guess what hurt the most was not that Ron had said something so insulting about me. It was the fact that he had confirmed my worst fears: that no one could tolerate me even a little bit, that no one liked me, even though no one had made any attempt to even get to know me. That knowledge is what made knock past Harry and his stupid red-headed friend, as I shall from now on refer to him, with tears threatening to escape my eyes.
Now I'm sitting here, skipping what should have been a very enjoyable Halloween feast, and I can't help but hate Ron, yet still forgive him internally. Because something about him still leaves me anxious for more of his company, still has me thinking about him and wondering what he is doing and thinking right now. I wonder why that is…
I decide to leave the depressing stall and get some fresh air outside of this morose bathroom, when suddenly I see something that makes my skin crawl, and I can't help wishing that a certain red-head would come to my rescue at this very minute…
A/N: Okay I need reviews to tell me whether it sucks or not, because I have a lot of ideas concerning future chapters in this story, but I need some encouragement. Please review!!