A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD-NEWS. I LOVE YOU.
Drunk Driving in an Unauthorized Shopping Cart
"Fai, cut it out."
"Awww! I'm having fun, Kuro-pi… Tan… Gaaaaaa… Chan."
The black-haired man rolled his eyes for what seemed to be the thousandth time that evening. He knew for a fact that his little blond friend was unbearable on a regular basis. But when he was drunk… Oh, dear.
"Stand up by yourself!" Kurogane finally realized that Fai had his arm over his shoulder, and his face was nuzzled in the taller man's neck, and so he flung the man off of him. The lanky blond man stumbled around in a circle, and glanced up at the night sky. Only a few stars were present that night, and the bright light shining from the street lamps did a number on his eyes. He blinked multiple times before regaining his conscience, and then suddenly realized that his black-haired friend was shuffling down the sidewalk without him.
"Kuro-chaaaaan! Wait for meeee" the man sang at the top of his lungs, making Kurogane look side to side to make sure that they were alone on the street. It had been pretty late at night when they first decided to go out to the old bar, so they probably had nothing to fear at this time. The man sighed. He had told himself that he'd make sure Fai didn't touch any form of alcohol ever since the café incident, but it seemed that the one who was in charge of alcohol intake was no other than the skinny blond man. "Come over here yourself." The taller man called back to his friend, walking off ahead of him.
Fai took the challenge. He sloppily shuffled over to the black-haired man, and once he had caught up to the man, he slung his arm over his shoulder again, forgetting that this would probably make him get thrown off again. Fortunately, Kurogane didn't seem to want to waste the strength it needed to throw him off.
The black-haired man sighed when the blond stuffed his face into his neck again and blew on it, creating a windy noise, but somehow kept himself from snapping. It seemed his self-control was getting better.
He then thought about his situation. Surely walking Fai home on his shoulder would do a number to his dignity if the kids or - he shuddered - Mokona saw. But then again, he could just say that the blond had passed out. Yeah, that worked. Besides, he needed his workout, since he hadn't been fighting lately (much to his dismay). Fai didn't weigh that much though, but who cared?
And then "Big Kitty" started meowing. Into his neck.
All thoughts of a possible workout disappeared from the ninja's mind, and he dropped Fai to the ground like a rag doll. "Idiot." Kurogane grumbled, as he walked on down the sidewalk, leaving the man to sit there.
And sit he did. Fai stared at the ground, and was silent, something Kurogane had not heard since he had met the terror. The black-haired man stopped walking, and turned around to face the blond. "Hey." he said gruffly. "What are you doing?"
"Mrrrowr, I'm… Sitting." The skinny man replied, moving his finger in a circular motion on the ground. Kurogane watched him sitting there in his drunken stupor. "…I'm leaving, y'know." the black-haired man said.
"Mmmr." The blond replied stubbornly.
The taller man scowled and turned around again, but did not start walking. "I'm going."
"Damn you!" Kurogane gave up and stomped over to the man, lifting his lanky body up into his arms and holding him bridal-style. "I will kill you."
"Mn." Fai reached out to grab the street lamp poles that were near his hands, put Kurogane quickly moved him away. "No. You're staying here."
But that didn't stop the blond from trying to grab everything that was close to him. Luckily, since he was drunk, his aim wasn't too great, and the man carrying him didn't have to worry about it very much.
Something shiny caught Fai's eye. He glanced over to it. There was a shopping cart from a nearby grocery store sitting near the side of the street, out of the way of any cars. He suddenly felt the need to call it as his own, and he squirmed violently out of Kurogane's grasp before the taller man could realize that the sneaky one had escaped.
The blond sped over to the cart, and giggled a bit. "L-look." he said between laughs. The black-haired man stared at him. "…Yeah. It's a shopping cart. Come on."
"Look at me." Fai said, as he climbed up onto the cart and plopped himself in it. "I'm Speed Racer!"
"…Oh my god." Kurogane paused, and then shook his head, unbelieving, and stomped off again, preparing himself to leave the blond. "Just get yourself home."
"Nooooo, Kuro-pipi!" Fai whined at him, his already nasally voice growing even higher. "I'd be lonely if it was just me and Cart-san."
"…Cart-san." The taller man sighed, and glanced back to his friend. "…If you go home to us, will you not be as lonely?"
"Only if Cart-sama can come!"
Kurogane paused. What. What did he say. No way. He was not bringing a shopping cart home to the kids. That was probably illegal.
"…No, Fai. Come on." The taller man found that his patience could be stretched in dire times, and he seemed to need it know.
"Cart-dono has to come or I'm not!" Fai pouted, letting his head loll back and sit in the smaller compartment on the cart. The black-haired man sighed at his friend's appearance, and then decided that it was worth it.
He was going to throw away his dignity. For this small, blond man.
Kurogane shuffled over to the cart, as if imitating a man first on death row. He grasped the bar to hold it, and held on so hard that his hands throbbed. "I hate you." he said coldly, as he pushed the cart, Fai inside, across the sidewalk.
And Fai was just full of giggles! The blond laughed and played with the cart as his chauffeur pushed him around. He paused in his adventure, and glanced up at the man to stare into his red eyes. When he had captured Kurogane's eyes and was sure that blue had met red, he said, "When are we going to get married?"
The ninja proceeded in flipping over the cart.
"Ow!" Fai exclaimed as he hit the ground. He tried to stand up, but couldn't. The cart was holding him in.
"Don't put me in a cage!" He called out to the man, who had stormed off, his footsteps leaving holes in the ground. "This is animal abuse! Get me outttt!"
Kurogane continued to stomp off, trying to tune out of the shorter man's whines.
Fai gave up trying to get him to come over, and he pushed the cart up and stood up himself, brushing his pants off shakily and flipping the cart back over in its regular position. "Kuro-chaaaaaaaaaaaan…" He slurred, pushing the cart over to the man. "I need my driver."
The taller man turned around to glare at him. He glared at Fai for a good thirty seconds, and then motioned over to the inside of the cart. "Get in."
"Yay!" The bubbly blond man jumped in the cart, and his friend continued on in pushing him.
Ignoring what had just happened a few moments ago, Fai asked again. "Are we getting married?"
"No." the answer came quickly and coldly.
"…Are you sure?"
"I think we are." Fai said matter-of-factly.
"No." Kurogane shook his head. "Just… No."
"NO." The black-haired man growled and pressed his nose to Fai's. "And I said no. Shut up before I break your face."
"…Yes." Fai stuck his tongue out.
"No." there was a growl added to the word, to make it even more venomous, and Kurogane glared the shorter man in the eyes.
Fai's eyes narrowed. "……Meow."
Kurogane almost flipped the cart over again, but a deep breath stopped him from doing so. "…You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met in my whole entire life." he concluded.
The black-haired man continued pushing the man in the cart, and after a few minutes, Fai spoke up again. "Kuro-tan?"
The taller man almost didn't respond to the nickname, but decided to anyway. "…What?" he asked warily.
"…I was never drunk." Fai smiled warmly up to the other man.
The cart was flipped over yet again, and the previous driver stomped off, now fully ignoring any cries for help coming from his friend.
Kurogane would pay attention to Fai when they finally got home. See, it was only in the dog's blood to chase after the cat.
And Kurogane would eat him. Whole.