Frustration, Anticipation, Satisfaction


(A/N: hey everyone! so here's my debut in the twilight fandom. and i know i'm not the only avid harry potter and twilight fan out there.

so i sort of decided that i really need to try writing some M-rated stuff... needless to say, i'm stuck on OMAS and i haven't updated because of it. this is my first experiment with actual NC-17 stuff... so hopefully it'll go well.

oh, and btw, bella/edward is currently my favorite pairing of them all. enjoy!)


I tripped on the threshold into my room, closing the door behind me. I couldn't wait to get to bed - it had been a long day.

I hurriedly dropped my sweater and jeans on the floor, too lazy to even place them in the laundry bin. I began rummaging in my closet to look for my pajamas. Not able to find my usual torn shirt and shorts, I pulled out a large shirt-dress from the bottom of my drawer, holding it out at arm's length in order to examine it in the little light floating in through the window.

I mean, it wasn't that bad. But I still disliked anything too feminine. At least it was baggy.

I pulled it on and looked down at myself. The short sleeves were too wide, and it literally hung on me like a shapeless piece of cloth before falling right over my knees. The collar was also slightly too big. I sighed. At least it was comfortable.

As I clambered into bed, I dropped on my back with a sigh of comfort, expecting Edward to be here at any moment. At that thought, I couldn't stop a goofy smile from spreading across my face.

Oh, Edward.

Gorgeous, strong, attractive, sweet, dangerous and extraordinary vampire. No wonder I couldn't resist falling in love with him.

I let out a soft giggle and buried my face happily into the soft sheets of the bed, my mind whirling with memories and thoughts of Edward.

It was ridiculous how happy he made me. The last few weeks had been wonderful, really, with him driving me to school every day, walking me to classes, taking me out on proper dates, spending the sunnier ones out in the meadow... Just holding hands with him while walking made me happy. And the fact that he visited every night...

My thoughts turned to the last few weeks of Edward's late night visits... Or should I call them sleepovers? He was always there when I fell asleep, and always there when I woke up in the mornings. And the things we did after his arrival... Well. It was enough to frustrate me and tire me to exhaustion.

Because, well, Edward was holding to his promise of post-marital sex.

I frowned. My last couple of attempts at... persuading him otherwise had failed miserably, to my utmost frustration. There was also the fact that he wouldn't let me take control, just in case he lost his own control over himself. He kept saying that the safest way for us to have any kind of physicality was if he was always on top, and always in control. I mean, I didn't mind - I wouldn't know what to do if I was on top, for a change - but it was still...

So. Frustrating.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Edward's kisses were heavenly. Better than that, actually. I almost forget to breathe sometimes, like that one time I fainted when he tried to kiss me downstairs in the kitchen. I blushed at the mere thought. But there was also that part of me that craved more, that wasn't completely satisfied when we turned in for the night.

Tonight was one of those nights where I couldn't even begin to explain how horny I was.

Yes, Bella Swan was officially horny. Not that I would admit it out loud to anyone.

I looked up at the clock sitting across the room from me on my desk. The red digits blinked the time back at me.

11:38. Huh. Edward was never this late.

Oh, God.

My mind automatically went into panic mode - what if something had happened to him? - but I made myself calm down. What would happen to him anyway? Victoria was gone, and last I heard Jacob had disappeared. I felt a pang in my heart as I remembered, but forced it away in order to relax. There was no one left to harm us.

Besides, Edward's a vampire. And a very capable one at that. He's probably the most dangerous thing out there, besides the rest of his family.

I fell back onto the pillows, gazing uninterestedly up at the ceiling. Now that I had calmed down, I was only left with thoughts of my horniness. My mind started being filled with images of us naked, panting, groaning, thrusting together... Our cries as we both reached our climaxes...

This was getting to be too much. I shifted and surprised myself by realizing that my panties were slightly damp with arousal.

Then it hit me.

I lay there, slightly unsure of whether or not to continue with the idea that just came to me. Edward could come back at any moment, but...

It's been awhile since I had last done it, back in Phoenix. I remember trying, for the very first time, in the later years of middle school, when I found myself curious late one night. I mean, I had felt too depressed when I first got to Forks to start it up again, and then I met the Cullens... And Edward stayed over every night. Needless to say, I haven't really had much desire to or privacy to since I got to Forks.

But I really was feeling desperately unsatisfied from the last few weeks.

I took a look at the clock again. 11:43. Well, if he's this late, then maybe it may give me enough time... to...

I slowly lifted my dress up under the covers and slid my hand through the waistline of my panties, pausing just above myself. I stared at the window as if Edward would climb in at any moment. A moment passed, and no movement near my window. I strained to hear something, even though I knew he ran lighter and faster than anything I could see or hear. But he still didn't appear at my window.

My fingers dipped between my folds, finding my bundle of nerves easily. I sighed and closed my eyes, my body already tense with anticipation. But just for good measure, I popped my eyes open again to check my window one last time.

No sign.

I closed my eyes again and let my thoughts begin to wander, slowly stroking myself. It had been awhile since I last fantasized...

I had finally been changed. It'd been a year since Edward had finally made me his, and we had gone on our month-long honeymoon. I hadn't minded, because I knew that Edward had wanted the honeymoon, at least, to be the greatest experience I could ever have as a human. But I had been ready, and as soon as we had gotten back to Forks, he did it.

I was finally a vampire.

Now that I was transformed, I could match Edward move for move. It delighted me - because now I was unbreakable. He could treat me exactly the way he really wanted to.

How I really wanted him to.

I hear his footsteps outside the door and put down the book I had been reading as he enters and closes the door quickly behind him. Even through the lack of light, my sharpened eyes can still pick up his outline, and the desire that shines so brightly from his topaz eyes.

He's as gorgeous and beautiful as ever.

"Edward," I breathe, lust beginning to jolt through me.

He crosses the room to the bed, and I pull him down impatiently. His lips crash down upon mine, and I can't help but moan. His kiss is urgent, passionate, nothing like he had given me before my transformation. It still felt like I was in heaven. His scent is everywhere, surrounding me as our tongues fight to gain dominance within each other's mouths.

And suddenly, his mouth is moving past my mouth, and down my neck. He chuckles as he nips at the place where he bit me a year ago - his touch sends shivers of desire down my back. I moan again as he continues lower, finally reaching the collar of my top. In one bold move, he rips it off, revealing the plain bra I have underneath. I don't even have room in my head to think about the ruined piece of clothing as his mouth wanders down to my heaving chest. He releases me from my bra expertly with one hand as he continues to kiss the skin around my breasts. As they pop free from their restraint, he ducks down to gather one hardened nipple in his mouth, kissing, teasing, licking... I groan as waves of desire continue to course through me. "Edward..." Anticipation fuels me as I arch my breasts towards his willing mouth. I make a keening noise as he teases me that certain way I like, and I lie there panting as he continues his heavenly ministrations.

He moves away from them, and I whimper at the loss. But I soon start moaning again as I realize he is drifting lower, and lower... He reaches my jeans and has me out of them before I can move to help, and his breath is almost too much over my panties. He gently but impatiently removes them - I remember hazily that they are his favorite pair on me - and ducks down again to breathe over my anticipating sex.

"No, Edward," I fight to say, and I feel him hesitate above me. He looks up at me, eyes hooded with lust and I feel my desire jump even higher than I thought possible. I reach down and pull him up towards me, reveling in the feeling of being his equal, before ducking down to kiss his neck.

I smirk as I hear him moan my name above me, and I continue lower, ripping his shirt in the same manner as he destroyed mine. I kiss down his hard muscles, spending more time on his abdomen. He manages to weave his hands in my hair, and he pushes me impatiently onwards. I grin that I have the ability to get him so worked up.

I finally reach down, and oh-so-slowly unzip his pants with my teeth. His breathing is heavier now, more labored as I finally pull his jeans off and to the floor. He is already standing at attention, and the sight causes more wetness to form between my legs. I rip off the boxers that stand in the way of me and my target, and admire his size for one second before descending upon him.

"Bella," I hear him moan as I take him inch by slow inch into my mouth. I start to bob my head up and down his shaft, licking him like the delicious treat he is, his moans and groans only pressing me onwards. He grips my head hard, guiding me as I suck on his hardened member. I can feel him pulse beneath me, his muscles tightening as he drags me back up to throw me underneath him and kiss me hard.

I respond eagerly, wrapping my arms and legs around him as his own hands stroked up and down the sides of my body, causing me to shiver. He pulls back and gives me that devastatingly sexy crooked smile.

"Not yet, Bella," he murmurs, voice husky as he drifts back below and positions his mouth between my legs. I spread my legs open wantonly, knowing what he wanted to do and knowing that I wanted it as much as he did.

He breathes up and down my slit, causing me to shudder in anticipation. His lips finally touch me, and I almost cry out in relief, but he continues to avoid the place where I want him to touch me the most.

"Edward... Oh, Edward, please..." I beg as his lips brush right above that pleasure point. He stops right there, and I force my eyes open to look down at him, plead with him silently to go on...

His eyes are on my face as he finally, excruciatingly, touches my clit with his tongue. I scream and buck beneath him, but he has his hands there to hold me down. I reach my hands into his bronze hair and tug as he continues to play with me. Every time his tongue rubs me I creep higher and closer to that point of release, and I moan and groan his name again and again, not caring who hears me. I scream his name in ecstasy as I feel him push his fingers inside me, finding that spot within me as well.

Suddenly he pulls away, and I angrily open my eyes in order to hit him and bring him back to me, but to my sudden delight he forces his entire length into me in one thrust. My eyes roll back as he continues to pound, again and again, into me, hitting that spot where I needed him the most. The air is filled with our grunts, moans, and cries as we both continue to climb to that peak in ecstasy.

"Oh, God," I utter as I feel him pant above me over the pleasure. "Please, Edward, faster, harder, I need to feel you - "

He responds by giving me exactly what I wish for, and when his hand drifts down to play with that bundle of nerves again, I tip over the edge, crying his name in ecstasy. He keeps pounding as the waves of pleasure pulse over me, and finally he comes, too, collapsing on top of me as both our climaxes wash over our trembling bodies.

I slowed down my fingers until I lay panting on my bed in exhaustion and satisfaction. I'm still trembling slightly, and I knew a thin layer of sweat was now spread on my body.

"B-Bella?"

My eyes whipped open to see Edward standing at my window, staring at me on my bed.

It took me a moment to realize that, caught up in my fantasies, I had kicked the covers off me to the floor. The too-large dress had slipped so that my entire right shoulder and half my right breast was peeking through the collar, and it was still hiked up so that the sight of my hand down my panties and my legs spread apart was revealed to the whole world.

In this case, a very shocked-looking Edward Cullen.

I could only lie there, stunned, as my blush rose again to cause two flaming patches of red on my cheeks to appear. I realized that the whole room, to him, must smell of sex, something I had forgotten to take into account when I first decided to play with myself.

My hand flew out of my underwear and I started to tug down the shirt-dress when Edward was suddenly by my side.

"Edward - "

"Allow me."

I froze at his voice. I could only stare up into his eyes - was it just me, or were they slight darker than normal? - as his hand drifted down to touch my shirt-dress, tugging it out of my hands. He dragged it down my leg, his cold hands making me shudder under his fingers. He continued to play with the hem as his eyes slowly wandered over my figure. Neither of us said anything.

Suddenly, Edward swooped down to capture my lips in a soft kiss. I closed my eyes, surrendering to the wonderful feeling that came each time I kissed Edward. My heart was still pounding a million times too fast when he deepened the kiss, more passionate than I had ever experienced with him. I gasped against his lips, and he took the opportunity to sneak his tongue into my mouth, caressing mine.

Still bemused at what he was doing, I went along, too caught up in his delicious scent and taste. I dared to wrap my arms around his neck and nip slightly on his lips, feeling him shiver. The hand that was still on my leg started moving up my thigh, bringing the dress up with it. I could only shudder underneath him, not fully comprehending what he was doing.

Then suddenly I was able to breathe again, though laboriously as his mouth moved away from mine and to my neck. I couldn't help but mewl a little as his lips played along my skin. I wrapped my arms tighter around his shoulders as he lay a kiss on a particular part of my neck, and I moaned embarrassingly loudly. His left hand drifted up my side as his right hand rested on my hip, still working his magic on my neck. I felt him drift slightly lower to litter kisses along my shoulder and across my collarbone, causing me to whimper in pleasure.

I finally gathered my thoughts enough to gasp out incoherently, "What - this - but - never - " before his ministrations brought out another moan from me. He chuckled against my neck and I shivered at his cool breath.

"Hush, Bella," he murmured, caressing my thigh. "Just enjoy it."

It wasn't as if I wasn't enjoying it. I was enjoying it immensely. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that this was actually happening. I had tried so hard and failed previously to raise this kind of a reaction from Edward, and here he was, making my head spin dizzily with desire.

I could feel the wetness between my legs already and I gasped in pleasure when Edward lightly gripped my breast. His fingers danced across it lightly, twirling my nipple in between his forefinger and thumb. I unconsciously arched up against him, pushing my breast flush against his palm in an effort to feel more of him against me. He obliged by capturing my lips again and giving a gentle squeeze. I mewled loudly, not caring that Charlie might hear.

And then he was gone. I had almost cried out in disbelief and frustration when I felt cold hands playing along my hips. I hardly dared believe it, holding my breath as two fingers hooked themselves onto the waistline of my underwear and slowly, tortuously pulled them down. In a flash, he was back by my side, lying down next to me as he covered my lips again with his own. I felt myself being shifted over, so my lower half was lying across his body and my torso, still on the bed, was hugged tightly to his chest. My eyes rolled back again as his fingers played across my abdomen and he littered kisses along my neck.

I stopped breathing as my heartbeat thundered in my ears and his hand drifted down to touch my mound. His finger drifted down to find my bundle of nerves, and when he lightly pressed it, I bucked against his hand, releasing a soft cry. Slowly his finger started caressing me, rubbing at my already sensitive nub. I could feel myself rising quickly at his expert touch. I couldn't control my moans anymore as I gripped the sheets underneath my hands and lifted my hips against his hand, my mind cloudy with desire and desperation to hit that point.

"Please, please," I could hear myself begging as I continued to rise higher and higher and he continued at his slow pace. "Oh, God, I'm almost there, please - "

I felt myself at the edge, and let his name drop from my lips as one more flick sent me over, riding the waves of ecstasy. I felt myself throw back my head and arch violently, my mouth open in a silent cry. I shuddered as I felt my muscles clench and his lips on my collarbone, gripping my eyes shut tight. I finally fell back on the bed, shivering as Edward continued to press kisses everywhere he could reach. When I finally calmed down and instinctively curled into him, he stopped and pulled up the covers before wrapping his arms around me.

I lay there gasping, trying to slow down my heartbeat and my breathing as I lay contentedly in his stone cold arms. It was awhile before I could get my jumbled thoughts together enough to address him.

"Thank you," I breathed into his neck, pressing one of my own kisses on his jaw. I felt him chuckle above me, tightening his arms a fraction.

"It was my pleasure," he answered, and I shivered at the sound of his voice, so much lower and rougher than usual.

It was another moment of silence before I had gathered enough courage to ask, "What was that about?"

He turned so that we were both on our sides, facing each other. His topaz eyes smoldered in the moonlight, and I found, once again, I couldn't look away.

"You have absolutely no idea," he started, his golden eyes hypnotizing me, "what walking in on you like that did to me."

My breath caught at his admission, and I silently waited for his explanation.

"You didn't know I had arrived, and I couldn't move in shock when I realized what you were doing. Your sounds and your smell. And then you moaned my name." He said it wonderingly, almost passionately, his topaz eyes blazing for a second. "That was my undoing."

He pulled me back into him, inhaling my scent from my hair. He pressed a kiss on my forehead as I asked him, "But what about your whole 'no sex till marriage' thing? I thought - "

"No sex till marriage, yes," he interrupted me gently, "But that wasn't sex was it? In my opinion, you're still very much a virgin."

I didn't bother correcting him about the 'sex' part. Some people did consider this a kind of sex - but if he was okay with doing it, I wasn't about to burst his bubble.

"There's nothing wrong in trying to pleasure your love," he continued, smiling my favorite crooked smile down at me, "and in this way, I'm still protecting your virtue. I had never thought of this solution before."

I didn't dare hope, but I blurted it out anyway.

"So you mean... You're okay with doing... that kind of stuff?"

"Only if you are," Edward replied, kissing me on the nose, "but something tells me you're very much acquiescent. Your reactions a moment ago gave you away."

I flushed as he smirked down at me and raised my head up to meet his lips with my own. I finally settled down, curling my body next to his as exhaustion from the day and our activities caught up to me.

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams."

I almost fell asleep right then and there, but I managed to mutter something quickly.

"Excuse me?"

"I said," I replied, a little louder this time, "that you better watch out. Because I'm repaying you for the favor tomorrow night."

I might have been imagining it because I drifted off right after, but I swore I had felt a shudder of anticipation from the gorgeous vampire lying beside me.


(A/N: reviews are love. hope you all enjoyed!)