N/A: I think this is my first shot at Naruto comedy :) Thanks to everyone who wrote such wonderful, funny stories to inspire me!

Disclaimer: I think Kishimoto-sensei would be mad if he saw the way I'm butchering his Naruto :)

1: Foreplay

"Eh? Me? Why me first?" Hinata blushed severely, looking at the bowl in front of her. It was filled with boys names and she was supposed to draw the one she'd date first.

"Because I say so!" Tsunade's tone left no room for argument. "Now draw!"

Hinata closed her eyes, sticking her hand into the bowl.

Please, let it be Naruto-kun…

She took the small piece of paper out with trembling hands.

"Well?" Tsunade urged her.

Hinata's shoulders slumped from disappointment.


"WHAT?!" Sakura and Ino exclaimed at the same time.

"I…I can draw again…" Hinata tried.

"Out of the question." Tsunade said.

"I can't believe it!" Ino complained loudly. "She's not even happy about it!"

"What I wouldn't give to date Sasuke-kun…" Sakura followed her own train of thought. Ino glared at her.

"Well at least it's Hinata and not you, forehead girl." she said.

"What's that supposed to mean, Ino-pig?" Sakura snapped.

It means Hinata could never woo Sasuke-kun, you stupid little pink-haired…

"Now now girls. It's your turn." Tsunade interrupted them. "Sakura, if you please."

Now that Sasuke's name had been drawn from the bowl, Ino had no worries.

Sakura grabbed a piece of paper indifferently.

"Hyuuga Neji." she said without enthusiasm.

"WHAT?" It was Tenten's turn to exclaim.

Ino smirked. The arrogant genius wouldn't give Sakura a second look and one of the most troublesome boys had been eliminated. It was her turn.

She placed her hand inside the bowl, moving her fingers through the thin pieces of paper, until she finally grabbed one.

"Oh, give me a break!" she sighed, throwing the shrivelled note away. "SHINO." she spat.

Sakura burst into laughs, looking at her victoriously.

"I thought you hated bugs, Ino-chan."

"Not as much as I hate you." Ino promptly replied.

Tenten, who the last to draw, approached the bowl with little interest.

"Akimichi Choji." she spoke in an even tone.

"Now girls, we shall inform the boys in question. Go make yourselves beautiful for tonight!" Tsunade said.

"I'm afraid that's impossible for some…" Ino spoke aloud, glancing towards Sakura.

"You should talk, piggy!" Sakura shot back.

"I said, go!" Tsunade's voice thundered and the kunoichi rushed out.


Oh, this is JUST great. I have to get the most votes, I just have to! Ino thought, eying herself in the mirror.

But what the hell should I ware tonight­? Antennas?

She sighed, settling for a black, V cropped dress. Any guy falls for some cleavage, right?

Letting her hair down, Ino sighed again. Why did Hinata have to end up with Sasuke-kun anyway?

In the comfort of her room, Hinata opened the closet. She didn't care much about what she was going to wear, since had little to no appreciation for Uchiha Sasuke.

She settled for a dark blue dress that reached her knees. It was pretty decent, only exposing her shoulders.

Throwing it on the bed, Hinata placed herself in front of the mirror. Really, she wasn't looking forward to tonight at all.

At least no one else got Naruto-kun…

Sakura tried on her tenth outfit, posing in front of the mirror. It wasn't like she cared about Hyuuga Neji, even if he was second best to Sasuke-kun…but she wasn't going to let Ms. Ino-pig get more votes than her. Not in a million years. This was a battle to the death!

Turning around to make her short pink dress swirl, she realized it was the best choice. After all, even a genius couldn't resist a bit of cleavage…

Tenten hated wearing dresses. She was definitely NOT wearing one, not even if she were to go out with Neji. Well…maybe for Neji…

She shook her head, chasing the thoughts away. That annoying pink-haired cry-baby, the one that Lee liked, was going out with her Neji.

Well, it could've been worse. As Tenten thought about it, she realized she had no reason to fret. Neji didn't like weak women.

Anyway, opening her closet she took out a pair of elegant black pants and a red top. It's not like she wanted to impress anyone…


The boys were all gathered in one of the Academy's many classrooms, waiting for news of their dates.

"Please, let it be Sakura-chan!" Naruto prayed.

"Please, don't let it be Sakura!" Sasuke prayed.

"Look at those idiots." Kiba said, nudging Shino. "They actually care about this stupid date thing…how dumb, right?" He started laughing nervously.

"Perhaps you'll end up with Hinata." Shino replied in an even tone.

"Wha…what?" Kiba's cheeks flushed red. "It's not like I care…"

In the other side of the room, Lee's eyes burned with the power of youth.

"Sakura-san! I'll make you happy!"

Neji shook his head, sighing.

"You don't mean to tell me you aren't rooting for one maiden in particular, huh, Neji?" Lee asked him.

"Not really." Neji replied indifferently. "I just hope I don't get stuck with the annoying blonde from the forest of death."

Lee raised a bushy eyebrow.

"Or Hinata-sama. That would be uncomfortable." Neji added.

"So basically you wish to get either Tenten or Sakura-san." Lee said, drawing closer to his team mate.

"Yeah, whatever." Neji replied.

"Then you are my rival!" Lee exclaimed. Neji backed up, trying not to be contaminated by the power of youth.

A few desks away, Choji watched their argument with interest.

"They look really enthusiastic, Shikamaru." Choji said.

No answer.


His friend opened sleepy eyes.


"You fell asleep now? Aren't you excited at all?"

Shikamaru yawned.

"No. I think it's troublesome."

"But who would you like to get?" Choji insisted.

"Well, we're gonna date them all anyway, it's just a matter of time." Another yawn followed.

"But who would you want to date?"

"Honestly? No one." Shikamaru replied indifferently.

"Okay, put it this way, who would you not want to date?"
"Ino." Shikamaru replied promptly. "And Sakura. They're the same. Loud and bossy and troublesome and obsessed with Sasuke. No thanks."

"I wouldn't mind Ino…" Choji whispered more to himself.

"You're very brave then, my friend." Shikamaru told him, letting his head fall in his hands.

Suddenly, the classroom doors opened and Tsunade stepped in.

"I'll nominate the first four. Pay attention!"

The boys stopped chatting and turned hopeful and frightened eyes towards the Hokage.

"Uchiha Sasuke!"

Sasuke looked as if he were hit by a train. Naruto glared at him.

"Hyuuga Neji!"

Neji got up indifferently. Lee glared at him.

"Aburame Shino!"

Shino didn't show any expression. Kiba regarded him with envy.

"And Akimichi Choji!"

Choji got up, looking surprised. Shikamaru yawned again. "Thank God, I'm safe for now…" he said, patting his friend on the back. "Good luck, you'll need it."
"You four come with me. Everyone else, return to your activities."

The small group followed Tsunade out of the classroom and headed towards her office.

"You'll come in one at a time." she said, stopping in front of the door. "Sasuke, you're first."
With the look of a man who had accepted his destiny, Sasuke stepped into her office. He was the Uchiha survivor, the genius of his class…he told himself. He couldn't be scared of such a trifling thing as a…date. Even if it could be with…Sakura…or Ino. Sasuke swallowed hard.

"You were drawn by…"

Sasuke's heartbeat accelerated and he held his breath. He was sure he could hear the sound of a drum roll…

"Hyuuga Hinata." Tsunade finished.

Sasuke felt as if he was going to faint from relief. Before he could control himself, he practically jumped on Tsunade, embracing her.

"Thank you! Oh, thank you!" His eyes barely kept the tears at bay.

"Yes, well…" Tsunade spoke, pealing him off her. "You may go. Ask Neji to come in."

Sasuke did as he was told and exited the room, beaming.

Neji came in and shut the door behind him, his expression impossible to read.

"You were picked by…" Tsunade started, looking at him through the corner of her eye. To tell the truth, she rather enjoyed torturing them like that.

Neji looked as if he could handle anything she had to throw at him, so she continued, annoyed.

"Haruno Sakura."

Neji quirked an eyebrow, seeming a bit worried.

"She isn't the…blonde one, right?"

"Hyuuga Neji! You don't even know the names of our kunoichi?" Tsunade seemed offended.

"Sure I do!" He protested. "There's Tenten and Hinata-sama and…" he paused. Tsunade's eyes pierced into his. "…and the blonde one and the pink-haired one". He finished sheepishly.

Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"You've got the pink-haired one."

"Oh." Neji sounded relieved.

"Be ready for tonight. Send Shino in as you leave."

Neji bowed and left the room.

Shino took his place inside of the room and Tsunade looked at him curiously.

Damnit! I can't see his expression because of that damned hood and those sunglasses!

"You've got Yamanaka Ino." she told him hastily.

I can't have any fun with this one.

Shino nodded in acceptance, showing no reaction whatsoever.

"Fetch me Choji." Tsunade told him.

As the last "victim" entered the office, Tsunade had already gotten bored with her duty. Choji looked like such a nice kid, she could feel no joy in playing with his mind. He didn't deserve it, like those arrogant little noble clan brats.

"You've got Tenten." she told him kindly.

"Oh." He seemed a bit disappointed, but the expression was quickly replaced with a smile. "I'll do my best."

"I'm sure you will, dear. Now go get ready."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Choji bowed and left the room.


Sasuke looked at his image in the mirror, straightening his posture.

"Hello handsome." he spoke, smirking. It was only normal that all the girls liked him, I mean…look at that body…and those piercing eyes. He had forgotten that only a few hours ago he was scared out of his mind by the prospect of dating Ino or Sakura.

Now, don't get the wrong idea. Sasuke had just as many hormones as any other boy his age and one of his dreams was to revive the Uchiha clan. But he couldn't allow his heirs to have blonde, or even worse, PINK hair! I mean what was going to become of the Uchiha?

Definitely not.

So looking at the girls his age, he had admitted that only Tenten and Hyuuga Hinata were acceptable. Unfortunately, both of those girls were blind! I mean how could they look at other men, while he was around? Neji he could understand…the guy was…let's say acceptable, but NARUTO?! Despite of her bloodline limit, Hinata must have been blind.

Or perhaps she thought he would never take an interest in her?
Sasuke ran a hand through his dark locks and eyed the mirror confidently.

Purpose: revival of the Uchiha clan!

Neji looked at the time, appearing bored. He was ready for a half an hour now. It's not like a good-looking guy like him needed time to prepare. He just wanted to get this date thing over with, so he could focus on what he really wanted: POWER!

It was fortunate that he didn't get hooked up with the blonde banshee though, she was more than a handful. And she'd probably be pissed because he rejected her at the Chuunin exams.

This pink-haired girl, damnit if only he could remember her name! He was sure it had something to do with the color of her hair, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. She seemed…acceptable. She wasn't all that pretty, but surely the best choice. Tenten would just drool over him the whole night and Hinata-sama was…well…out of the question.

Only 10 more minutes. The sooner it started, the sooner it was going to be over.

Shino simply sat on his bed, waiting for time to pass. He had been uncomfortable while changing into a tux, because the bugs inside of him were getting restless. But he kept his sunglasses. It was better this way.

He didn't really root for anyone in this dating festival. He honestly didn't care one way or the other.

This Yamanaka Ino…he believe she was the blonde on Asuma's team. She was quite pretty, for one who cared about these sorts of things.

His parents had told him the Yamanakas own Konoha's best flower shop. He had been happy to learn this…bugs liked flowers.

Choji sighed, getting up. It was almost time and he had to go pick up Tenten. He was going to be there early, to show how much of a gentleman he was. The only thing bothering him was that he had nothing to do with this girl. He had never even talked to her…To tell the truth that wasn't his biggest irk. He was a sociable person so he didn't fear those embarrassing moments of silence. But he did hope to date someone else…someone he couldn't possibly ask out.

He sighed again, trying to put up a happy face. After all, he still had a few chances.

A/N: That's it for chapter one! I chose the most unlikely pairings I could think of for the first date :) Review if you liked it and even if you didn't! I'll try to update soon.