A/N: thoughts are italicized, this story starts off the morning of the van incident in Twilight. The back story is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight up until the morning of the accident and she owns everything Twilight. I unfortunately do not…

I'd like to thank the people who are either beta'ing or helping significantly with this story on both fan fic and twilighted. People who deserve super loud shout outs are: siDEADde, tnuccio and VJGM they have all helped me make this story better and I appreciate it more than these simple words can convey!

Bloodlust

I could hear the loud rumbling of Bella Swan's truck before she turned onto the thin sheet of black ice that covered the ground and parked four cars down from the Volvo. The first person out of the car after me was Rosalie; she growled at the sight of the old red Chevy. Vile thoughts filled her head as she watched Bella carefully step out of her truck and examine her back tires. That little pest! Couldn't she skip town or go back to where ever she came from?! She's caused enough trouble already! I didn't need Jasper's gift to feel the hostility and envy rolling off Rose in waves.

As Tyler Crowley's van was rolling down the road, the rest of my family climbed out of the car. Alice was to my left, flanked by Jasper, Rose was to my right, and Emmett was already heading towards the main building. The van less than 100 yards from Bella's crouching figure when everyone heard the brakes lock inside the giant blue vehicle and tires squeal against ice. An atrocious screech erupted from the van as it skidded towards the rear end of the old red Chevy. Blocking its path was none other than, Bella Swan.

A look of sheer terror came over my face, as I whispered, "not her!"

Alice latched onto my wrist as the van slammed into the old truck. I heard a horrible crunching as the impact broke what I could only assume was her back. The force of the van caused the truck to spin into a brown Sedan parked next to it. The whipping of the two cars together snapped Bella's neck and her head lolled backwards at an unnatural angle. I took a huge intake of breath as shock rocked through my body. A sweet sensation filled all my senses making it hard to breathe, my entire body coiled like a wire wound too tightly around a pole. I could feel every muscle in my body tighten as four different voices flooded my head at the same time.

Oh no! Some one grab him! He can't take this! A southern accent shouted in my head.

What is that voice? "Get out of my head!" I whispered, grabbing my hair.

Crap! Stupid Swan girl! Now we're going to have to cover our tracks again! A boisterous voice groaned.

I don't understand what's going on in my head, why am I hearing these voices? "Get out or else!" My voice was still a whisper but there was a hiss behind it.

I fell to my knees, the screaming voices on top of the monster fighting for control, and the uncontrollable bloodlust was to much. All points of reason and any meaning of right and wrong were becoming lost to the growing thirst. I could feel the monster inside me slowly sliding to the surface.

Serves her right, stupid human. A selfish voice laughed.

Edward stop! Hold your breath! You can do this! A tinkling voice screamed in my head with fierce determination.

What was clinging to my wrist and who was it talking to?

I ripped my arm free of its grasp and in the process threw it to the ground. An evil smiled found its way to my lips as the monster inside ripped its way to the surface and lurched forward towards the dying creature in front of me. My eyes focused on my prey as I sprinted towards it. Blood trickled down its neck in a beautiful flow of crimson. I sank my teeth into its neck then swallowed a mouthful of the most exquisite tasting blood ever to cross my lips. Screams were beginning to register around me and a small whimper escaped my dying prey. I growled against its neck as I sank my teeth farther into it, gulping the blood down in hurried gasps. Mine…

"Get Tyler out of the van!"

"Move the van, Bella's stuck!"

"Hurry someone call 911!"

The screams and shouts of agony and despair broke my concentration right before strong stone arms were around me and I was being dragged away from the best thing I had ever tasted.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I growled at the burly beast carrying me.

"What am I doing?! What were you doing? You just put the entire family in jeopardy back there and you're mad at me for saving you?" The big man that was holding me threw me with surprising force into a tree nearly a mile away.

"You're supposed to be the strongest. You're the oldest one of us besides Carlisle and you just attacked that girl! Think of Carlisle, of Esme!"

The mention of those two names brought visions of a handsome blonde man in his late 20's and a charming woman with caramel-colored hair who was only a few years older.

"Carlisle? Esme?" I whispered coming to my senses.

"Yeah you know! Your mother and father! Edward snap to!" the big man shouted at me.

Slowly, my head cleared and a name came to mind: Emmett.

"Emmett? What happened?" Gradually, I began to remember what happened; screeching brakes, a crashing car, a breaking back, throwing something to the ground.

Alice, my mind registered the name immediately!

It all came back to me…the blood, attacking my prey, Bella Swan, and drinking her blood. "Oh my god, Emmett, is she okay! Did I hurt Alice? Is Bella alive? Oh god, Emmett, did I kill her?" I was barely breathing as I rambled.

How could I have let this happen?

When Emmett didn't reply, automatically I looked up to find him talking on a small silver phone. "Yeah, he's fine now. No…he's thinking straight don't worry. He knows what he's done and he's worried about Alice and the Swan girl. How is she? Yeah? Okay, I'm on it." He snapped the phone shut with an audible click as I ran forward to meet him.

"Carlisle wants to see you now. He said if you go in through the back entryway you wouldn't cross any of her blood. Alice said she's fine and she recommended feeding before going to see Carlisle." Emmett stated quickly.

"Okay," was all I could reply as I hung my head and started off into the woods to look for a meal.

"Edward? Are you going to be all right? I have to get back to the school before kids start to get suspicious, not that that's likely with bigger things going on, but still." He said over his shoulder as he began running back the way we came.

It was obvious to me that Emmett didn't realize the true impact of what I'd done. I'd bitten Bella Swan but I hadn't killed her…perhaps he believed she would die on the way to the hospital but part of me was praying that wouldn't happen…not her…please not her. Of course if she didn't die then the alternative was too much for me to think about right now.

What had I done?

As I pondered my situation, I quickly took down a doe and drank it dry. There was no feeling in this hunt and even less as the gooey liquid ran down my throat. I was too appalled with myself to think about what was going on around me. The run to the hospital was much the same.

Carlisle was waiting in the physician's lounge in a far corner, reading a magazine. To the human eye he looked like he was waiting for something to do, but I knew better. His back was too straight to convey comfort and his mind was reeling. He heard my approach, stood, and walked out the doors that I had just come in, so I followed.

Outside I could just make him out about a mile into the woods. Edward, I want to talk freely to you, we need to be somewhere out of view from the humans. As I ran to him, the shame I felt in letting him down again washed freely through me.

"Edward, I, I don't know what to say. I never expected this of you. Even when you said that her blood called to you, I thought that you were stronger than that. You have resisted almost a century. I just…I don't know. Did anyone else see you? Did you kill her?" I flinched at his words.

I couldn't look him in the eyes as I replied, "No one else saw me do it, and I didn't kill her. Alice says that she is unconscious and is on her way here now." I looked up when I heard his sharp intake of breath. He was right in front of my face.

"You didn't kill her!" It wasn't a question it was an appalled statement. "You mean she is changing right now? With no one to guide her! Edward, what have you done?" Those were the last words he said to me before running off towards the hospital. I heard the clamor of voices as they carried her into an emergency room.

I followed my father's scent to room 3254. I held my breath and walked over to her bed.

"Edward, what are you doing in here?" Carlisle asked, still appalled with me. I pointed to my mouth and shook my head. He nodded in understanding.

I walked to the other side of the bed and flinched as I took in the dying girl in front of me. She hadn't died on the way to the hospital, her breathing was ragged and every time she moved she winced in pain. I could see Carlisle cleaning her cuts with movements that were beyond human speed. He quickly grabbed her off the bed and gently laid her on a stretcher as he wheeled her away to the x-ray room.

I waited in the room with my head in my hands. What have I done? This innocent child will be forced to live a life of darkness, all because of me and my lack of self-control.

As I wallowed in my self-loathing, Carlisle wheeled Bella back into the room. He moved her from the stretcher to the bed with one arm, and held her x-rays up to the light.

"Well, she has broken 7 ribs, her back, and her neck. That alone will cause her to be paralyzed. She fractured her right arm in three different places and her left leg has been broken in two different spots." He lowered his voice so only I could hear. "Where did you bite her?" slowly he closed the door to the room and shut the curtains around us.

"Her neck only," I whispered back, my head still in my hands. He quickly bit both wrists and ankles, and due to the extreme circumstances he ripped her shirt off and bit her on the chest inserting his venom straight into her heart. He silently changed her into a paper dress.

"Edward, what…" his sentence was cut off by a bloodcurdling scream. Bella's left arm flailed in the air reaching for nothing and she croaked out, "put it out, put out the fire," before another scream ripped from between her lips.

She was changing…everything was changing, what had I done?