READ THE A/N. AND THE DEDICATIONS, THEY ARE FUNNY TO THE POINT OF LAUGHTER! OH YEAH!
A/N: Guess what, I broke my wrist! Woohoo! But I am officially a Division Champion so the break was worth it!
Anyways, just wanted to put up a little chapter (and yes, I do mean little!). Sorry for the length, or absence of I have a lot of stuff going on right now! I had to do the gift exchange, and honestly I'm scared out of my mind that the person who I wrote for won't like it! Ah!!
Oh, I don't own Twilight blah blah blah.
Dedications: This week they are all going to my family members, and my best friend Allie.
Tnuccio (Mom) – Because she has schizophrenia (not literally). See she writes this story A Person Of Worth, and if you're not reading it go read it, now, and when she writes she has little people in her head that tell her what to say… So I have decided that by the power vested in me, by my super 14-year-old mind that she has officially been diagnosed with schizophrenia. So mother, this one's for you and the little people in your head. Oh and on the schiz note, this is also to Daniel Tosh, a comedian who in his words says, "I have little people in my head… they talk to me… But they only speak Spanish so I never know what the hell they are saying… I really wish they would get jobs or something!"
Sarah (my sister) – Because she started reading the first couple chapters of my fic (she had my mom print them out so she could read them) and came home today yelling at me. I didn't know why but she was like "I'm so mad at you! I can't believe you! You made me cry today in the middle of class!" Why? "Because when Renee sees Bella in the bed when she's pretending to be dead in the hospital… It was so sad! I was crying and the teacher thought I was hurt, and everyone was looking at me and I couldn't stop!" *snicker* "Don't laugh at me! It was so embarrassing!" Sorry! Gosh I didn't think it was that sad! "It was." Okay… "Fine." Alright… "Whatever." But the good part is that a couple of her friends want to read it next so, yay me, I have 11/12 year olds reading Not Her! Woohoo!
Allie (My best friend) – Because her driveway has officially saw her Britney. I'm sorry that no one is going to get this but it was so funny I almost peed my pants laughing at her. Love ya!
Also, my super beta's are of course, tnuccio, VJGM, and siDEADde love you girls!
Hope you like, and just to let you know this is a filler and summer is coming so I should be able to update more often, but finals are next week for me so at the moment updating will have to be on pause.
Chapter 13 – Changes
Slowly I ran my fingers across the cold ivory keys of my baby grand piano. I had been sitting here since Bella had left; nameless melodies flowed from my fingers. As I strummed the keys as I pondered how to tell Bella the details of her change. Wishing an answer would come to me the way compositions did.
Just tell her the truth! By letting her think Carlisle did it you are being spineless and deceitful. It's the right thing to do. She has the right to know… and you know it.
I shivered at the reality my mind spoke.
Yet another part was telling me that it wasn't time… that she wasn't ready.
That part of your brain is a coward. Tell her the truth. You can't build a relationship off of lies and deceit.
I dropped my head to my hands as I imagined Bella's beautiful face contorting with anger and pain at the truth. I could already feel an empty place in my heart at the thought of her leaving me.
Quickly I closed my mind off. Not submitting to voices but surrendering to the serenity I fought to find in my music. Dreading the future never kept it from coming. I'd have to deal with it eventually, but not right now.
Inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly I closed my eyes and let my hands roam. I felt the cool ivory pass gently under my fingers, as water would under a gliding boat. I was letting the music control me, carry me into another world. My fingers where racing rapidly back and fourth across the keys, shouting to the world the sorrow I carried on my shoulders for almost a century, crying with the pain I kept hidden.
The emptiness of my mind had brought a new being to life. A being so down and full of hate it failed to see the light in the ever-blackened night. The speed of the composition had dwindled and my hands slowed until they only touched the left keys, bringing the pain to its full height.
My eyes where still closed and my head was bent forward as the intensity of this symphony rang out through me. The blackest of my thoughts brought themselves to the forefront of my mind once again. Unable to escape the thoughts I fought to hide from.
Looking into the recesses of my blackened mind was like being in the end of a seemingly endless cave. Hoping, searching, for something to help me find my way back, a light or breeze, and it was then, yearning for my escape that I saw the brown thread weaving its way into my vision. The closer it came the larger and brighter it grew until it was clear it was a strand of hair. I couldn't help but smile as the happy thread danced on a breeze that wasn't there, twirling through a mind that didn't deserve its company. As it danced, it grew into more brown waves, all dancing to a different beat but coming together to make something beautiful.
I felt myself smile at the joy these dancing rivulets of brown thread brought to me, smiling as I heard an instrument in the background playing something only described as an optimistic melody trying to come out from under a dreary rhythm.
From the depths of the darkness and the inspiration of the brown, a face had begun to appear under the curling tumble of mahogany hair. The pale complexion of the woman in front of me could only be compared with the features of an angel, a sparkling, smiling angel.
Her warm eyes were a dark orange, gleaming with hope and laughter. Her hair was billowing around her face in soft waves of chocolate curls, and her lips curving upwards in a smile that melted me.
I could practically hear her running through the forest as she came home to me. I saw her beauty as reflected in Emmett's mind and beautiful she was.
Il mio Bella. La luna nel mio cielo stellato, la ragione per la mia esistenza.
Il mio Bella.
Opening my eyes I realized that I was still playing and the song tumbling from my fingertips was as bright and happy as the light Bella brought into my life.
Getting up from the piano I was beginning to walk up to my room to take a shower when Bella and Emmett walked in the door.
Her eyes were radiating happiness and her hair was an excited mess around her face.
I watched as Emmett walked straight to Rosalie then turned and was stunned as Bella walked right into my waiting arms. She felt so right there, like the entire reason of my being was to hold her.
I felt the familiar tug at the corners of my mind as Bella asked permission to enter my psyche and have full access to my thoughts. I still wasn't used to having another being able to hear my thoughts, but knowing Bella could only share my power when she was thinking of me made it alright because I knew I was in her thoughts.
Kissing the top of her head I greeted her with a warm, Hello.
I felt her body relax deeper into mine when she answered back with such exuberance I couldn't believe it was the same person who, just weeks ago, had been lying in a hospital bed.
Bella's thoughts where as beautiful as her voice.
I have to go upstairs for a little while. I'll see you up there in a bit? She tilted her head to look up at me, her eyes twinkling.
I nodded and she smiled a hundred watt smile before she left. Not only did my mind feel empty without her enlightening presence but also my body yearned for her touch, leaving me feeling like I was missing a vital piece of myself.
Soon I heard the shower in my room turn on, soft music played in the background.
When the shower stopped and I waiting long enough ensuring she had enough time to get fully dressed before I went up to joined her.
The door was ajar just a few inches, I silently opened it and gazed in upon Bella facing the bathroom mirror, eyes closed, lips smiling, and a small brush running through her wet hair. I walked quietly over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders.
I felt her body jump a little at my touch, she smiled slightly as her body relaxed as I squeezed her shoulder.
"You're beautiful, Bella." I whispered into her ear, keeping our conversation between the two of us only.
"Thank you, Edward." Slowly she opened her eyes and pulled away from me just enough for me to see her face.
I grabbed her hand and walked us over to my couch. As I lay back, I brought her down with me so that she was sandwiched between the back of the couch and my side, her head on my chest.
"You looked like you had fun in the forest with Emmett today." I could feel her chest vibrate as she laughed.
"Yeah, we uh… did some sports?" I could hear the laughter in her voice.
"Sports?" I lifted my eyebrow questioningly, trying to imagine Bella playing sports with Emmett.
She full out laughed now, "Yeah, we talked a bit about life and then we hunted. After we raced a bit and arm-wrestled. It was really fun."
"You guys arm-wrestled? What happened?" I was completely shocked that Emmett wasn't shouting to the world that he had won… Unless the impossible happened and Bella…
"You won? You beat Emmett arm wrestling? Bella that's amazing! You know you have bragging rights now, right?" I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice; no one beat Emmett at arm-wrestling…no one.
"Bragging rights? What would I need those for?" I couldn't help but chuckle at the naivety with which my Bella spoke.
"Bella, love," I paused, not intending to have called her love. It slipped so easily from my mouth that I held my breath in anticipation of her reaction to the word.
"Yes?" She responded, letting me breath again.
"When it comes to Emmett, anything you have against him comes in handy. He is a great brother, and irreplaceable friend but he never passes up the chance to show someone up. Whether it be physically, verbally, or and as rarely as this happens mentally, he enjoys it. Immensely. Now you can shut him up whenever he makes a jab at you because you beat him at his own game." I remembered back to when Emmett and I had arm-wrestled… It hadn't been a fair fight considering Emmett was still considered a newborn, but I still took the challenge. We started out just arm wrestling and ended up breaking a table and a couple lamps and then it turned into an all out brawl which ended in a couple walls being removed and quite a few pieces of furniture having been depleted to nothing more than pieces of wood and fabric.
"Oh…" She chuckled, "then in that case I better keep that thought in mind."
The little devil of a voice wouldn't leave me alone.
Tell her now; she's content, happy where she is. It'll be easier now then any other time.
The voice was right. Even though I couldn't see her face I could tell she was smiling, her breathing; light and slow. I knew she was content and happy because my feelings where the same.
Now, now, now.
The voice was menacing. Taunting me. I tried to push it away, wishing it would let me be with my Bella.
Not your Bella, oh no. Never your Bella. A pretty face atop a pretty body, only to be flaunted in front of you, not yours to touch, or to hold but to watch.
You're not worthy; you're a lying, cowardly monster in the presence of the one only pure thing you've ever had in your miserable existence. You taint her purity with your lies.
You have a chance to redeem yourself. Tell her the truth. Tell her now, while you still can.
I threw back at it. I couldn't… I just couldn't. She…
She what? She, she, she NOTHING!!! She needs nothing. It's you. You're weak, scared, afraid, cowardly, monstrous!! You're nothing…
I'm sure the voice would have gone on spewing horrors at me had Bella not began to speak.
"Edward, what was it like that first day I came to school in Forks? You… you hated me. So much that you had to leave." Bella pushed herself out of the crack of space between my side and the back of the couch, ending up with her torso lounging across mine and her legs beside my own. Her chin was resting on her crossed arms as she gazed, searching for something, into my eyes.
"Bella, the first day that you where in Forks High School I considered you nothing more than another student. I saw you in the other students' minds and I knew your name but you didn't mean anything to me." I saw the slight twitch in her features as I told her how inconsequential she was to me at the time.
"And then at lunch, I couldn't get into your mind… I was trying to see what you thought of us, my family and me, and I couldn't. I couldn't get into your thoughts no matter how hard I tried and it was very…frustrating."
She tilted her head to the side just a little bit, taking her very grown up qualities and turning them into those of a confused child, changing them from the exotic look of a woman and into the adorable look of a girl.
"But what I hadn't known, was exactly how much more you where than just another student walking the halls of Forks High. When you walked into biology that first day, and the vent blew your scent to me…" I paused, not knowing what to say next.
"Bella, that first day of biology you don't know how very hard I had to try and restrain myself from…" I stopped again, bringing my right hand from behind my head to stroke her hair.
"You smelled so good, Bella. Everything about you drew me in, like a shark to blood, exactly like a shark to blood. I had to think of my family the entire class, think about what it would do to them if anything where to happen to you." I couldn't bear to say had I killed her, not yet… I was dancing on the edge of a razor, tempting fate in ways it shouldn't be tempted.
In the very recesses of my mind a voice whispered, coward, before it once again faded to black.
Bella's face was so close to my own, a mere two inches separating us.
"That's horrible." Bella whispered, her breath encasing me in a sphere of mint and honey. "I'm sorry." Her eyes flicked quickly down to my lips in a movement so quick I wouldn't have caught it unless I was looking.
Slowly I propped myself up on my left arm, closing all most all of the space between us.
"It's alright, really." She looked so upset to have caused me so much pain…
She wouldn't look that upset if she knew how much pain you put her through. How horribly you hurt her.
This time the monster brought itself into full view. Bright red eyes glared out at me from under bronze eyebrows. Red lips smiled menacingly at me, the man's bronze hair a wild mess.
You know you can't keep me hidden forever. I'm you Edward. I'm you in your element, I do what you can't, I would be what you could never be.
I saw myself in my mind, my bright red eyes gleaming with fresh blood, that of a human's, of Bella's. I was the monster that had taken her life; I could not separate myself from the person she most despised, the person who ended her life.
Bella had slid her torso up only an inch but it was enough that our lips collided in a passionate kiss. There was no part of my body that wasn't tingling. It was as if every nerve I possessed had become sensitive to everything around me. Her lips moved with mine in unison as if we where two actors in a movie, the kiss a carefully practiced masterpiece.
When we broke the kiss we where both panting, silly when you think about it since neither of us had a need to actually breathe. Bella was still lying on top of me.
"I trust you Edward." She got off my chest and straddled my hips, sitting on my thighs. "I don't know why, I can't exactly put my finger on it but I know that somehow we are connected, and not just because I can read your mind."
She can tell, she can feel it; what would she do if she knew? If she knew that the reason you where so connected was because you were her maker?
"When I'm with you I feel happy, content," she smirked at me, "and not because I can do this without feeling self conscious." She leaned over and quickly gave me a kiss. "I feel like I can just be me, like I have nothing to hide."
It felt like my stomach was doing flips, knotting itself up.
"It's like something inside of me grew up over the past few weeks, like some part of my core broke off and was replaced with something beautiful… I love it Edward, " she smiled at me and ran her hand through my bronze hair, I leaned into her touch. "I love this."
"I love this too. Bella I love us." I fought to smother the beast in my head. I was not him, he did not rule me any more, he never would again.
Not now, I couldn't. I had just earned her trust.
And all you're going to do is betray her.
A/N: So did you like it or hate it?
The Italian translation of what Edward says as Bella is coming home is:
My Bella. The moon in my starry sky, the reason for my existence.
There are two song inspirations for this chapter the first part, when Edward is thinking of Bella and she comes right into his arms is Heaven Can Wait by Meatloaf and the second when he's thinking about telling her, it's darker and the song is Linkin Park's Papercut! Link in profile. Look it up, rock it out, lalala! Love you all! Oh and leave a review please
Sorry, I sound 14 :( I'm just in a really good mood right now! Also, if you didn't read the dedications up top go read them now. They are funny to the point of full out belly laughter (I know what a coincidence!)