Hello everyone! How are you all? Did you miss me? Do you remember who I am? Either way, welcome back to TUDOR TALK! The characters are as follows…
AT: Arthur Tudor
HT8: Henry the Eighth
HT7: Henry the Seventh
KF: King Francois
PW: Perkin Warbeck
RIII: Richard the Third
AB: Anne Boleyn
ET: Elizabeth Tudor
MT: Mary Tudor
JS: Jane Seymour
….and Me! And if you haven't seen "The Little Mermaid," I apologize for any confusion this chapter may bring! Without further ado…..
AT: Zut alors! Is that who I think it is?
HT8: SINCE WHEN DO YOU SPEAK FRENCH?
HT7: THE PRETENDER!
AT: Hello Father. And yes, I believe that is the pesky Perkin.
HT8: WITH CHAPUYS?
AB: I never imagined you as a Disney fan.
CHAP: I'm particularly fond of the Little Mermaid.
PW: We were just about to start watching it! Come and join us!
HT7: NO, WE WILL NOT JOIN YOU!
RIII: Is someone still a little insecure about their thin claim to the throne?
HT7: At least my bones weren't found in a carpark!
RIII: AT LEAST I HAVE AN APPRECIATION SOCIETY!
AT: Careful Richard, you're starting to shout in capital letters.
HT8: THERE'S NO SHAME IN THAT!
AT: I just value my ability to hear properly, that's all.
PW: You lot better hurry up and sit down! The previews are almost complete!
ME: You do realize you can just use the fast forward button?
CHAP: Do have patience with us madame. We're still trying to understand how to work the remote control.
AB: I could assist you!
KF: I think I have an instruction manual!
CHAP: Thank you your grace. And Madame concubine…I suppose.
AB: I'm disappointed!
CHAP: That I still do not accept you as someone who might have possibly been queen?
AB: No. We've been dead for centuries and you still haven't come up with anything better to insult me with than "Concubine."
CHAP: Hmm. You bring up an interesting point.
HT8: DAMN IT! DON'T YOU SEE SHE JUST GOT YOU TO AGREE WITH HER ON SOMETHING?
CHAP: I may despise Satan's Concubine and all that she stands for, but I do not deny her intelligence.
AB: I think we've finally made some progress!
PW: Satan, you say?
CHAP: Obviously Anne has had to occupy herself since she was sent to reside in Hell.
HT8: Ah! But She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would settle for no less than becoming Satan's Queen!
AB: I already paid the price for giving my maidenhead to the most hellish King of all.
RIII: It's so nice to be thought of as the most evil king for once!
HT7: SAYS THE MONARCH WHO STOLE THE CROWN FROM HIS BROTHER'S TWO SONS!
RIII: I do believe you just acknowledged me as a monarch.
HT7: GOD IN HEAVEN!
AT: Oh just let it go Father. We're missing the start of the movie.
HT8: GOOD HEAVEN, WHAT IS THAT WOMAN WEARING?
AB: Do you expect her to wear a gown underwater?
HT8: SHE COULD AT LEAST WEAR MORE THAN TWO SEA-SHELLS!
AT: It's probably a bit late to change the movie now.
HT8: THE INDENCENCY!
HT7: Good God, no wonder you couldn't father a male child, if you're that afraid of female flesh!
HT8: I DID FATHER A CHILD!
AT: That died at the same age as your sweet brother.
HT7: Good thing you had Elizabeth! Ah, that's a good name.
AT: Maybe you should have named me that Father.
HT7: Don't be ridiculous. Arthur is a noble name, worthy of praise and admiration!
AT: If only I'd had a Merlin.
HT8: (Completely ignoring Arthur) THAT CRAB IS TALKING.
AB: This is going to be a long movie, isn't it?
PW: What a strange king you are. You can't accept sea-shell garments and talking crabs, but completely accept people bursting out into song.
HT7: DON'T JUDGE MY SON'S STRANGENESS!
AT: Only family members get that privilege.
AB: And former wives.
ET: And his daughters!
KF: Ah yes. You had so many daughters Henry.
HT8: You make it sound like a bad thing!
AB: I'm so glad you disagree with daughters being a bad thing.
HT8: TO HELL WITH ALL OF YOU.
CHAP: Would you all quiet down? Ariel's just signed over her voice to Ursula.
HT8: What a foolish child!
ET: People do foolish things when blinded by love.
PW: And ambition.
ME: Perkin, were you really one of the lost princes? And do you ever regret becoming the face of a rebellion?
HT7: Of course he wasn't….
ME: Let him answer himself!
PW: Oh dear, can't we just finish watching the Little Mermaid?
AB: Don't fret, that's why the pause button was invented!
RIII: Go ahead Perkin. Tell all the dear readers your true identity!
GB: I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your little interrogation, but KATE MIDDLETON IS SET TO GIVE BIRTH ANYTIME NOW!
HT8: What have the astronomers predicted?
AB: That the sex of the baby no longer matters?
Me: You do realize they've changed the inheritance laws, right?
ET: Surely you don't have a problem with the new law?
HT8: OF COURSE I DO!
GB: IT'S A BOY!
AB: That was fast!
Me: Can you tell I've taken more than a few months to write this chapter?
HT8: A BOY? ON THE FIRST TRY?
KF: It seems that not all English men are lacking in Y-chromosomes!
PW: They also had the benefit of modern medicine.
HT8: THE PRETENDER HAS A POINT!
HT7: DON'T AGREE WITH THE PRETENDER!
HT8: I'LL AGREE WITH WHOM I LIKE, FATHER!
KF: How adorable! A father-son spat!
HT8: WHAT'S ADORABLE ABOUT A SPAT?
KF: The fact that you two sound so alike in your adorable anger!
HT7: WE ARE NOT ADORABLE!
HT8: WE ARE NOT ALIKE!
HT7: Are you not proud to be like your father?
HT8: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
AB: You were always complaining about him.
JS: I remember several distinct occasions when you called him a "Money hungry miserly moron."
HT7: I AM NOT MISERLY
Me: That's the part you found insulting?
HT7: I do not deny that I was hungry for money. MONEY THAT A CERTAIN BLOOD-RELATION OF MINE WENT THROUGH RATHER QUICKLY.
HT8: You have to spend money to make money!
AB: Since when did this become an economics fanfiction?
HT7: SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MONEY? ON WHAT? MORE ILL-FATED VENTURES INTO FRANCE?
KF: Yeah, who do you think you are, Henry V?
HT8: SHUT UP FRANCOIS.
ET: Military victories are not only made on land!
AB: Don't worry Bessy, we won't ever let your father forget that.
CHAP: Would you all kindly stop talking? I cannot hear Ariel sing.
KF: Oooh! Does the Spanish ambassador have a thing for redheads?
ET: King Philip certainly did have a thing for gingers.
CHAP: I will never forgive Philip for treating Queen Mary so poorly.
ET: If only you had still been in England, ambassador! Perhaps she would have chosen differently.
CHAP: Why can't life work out like a Disney movie?
AB: I'd love to hear you burst out into song.
HT8: That foolish girl! Signing away her voice to an evil sea witch?
ET: So you're enjoying the movie father?
HT8: It makes no sense! How in God's name does one seal away their voice in a conch shell?
Me: You can accept mermaids, talking fish, but no magical shell?
HT8: There is only so much I can take!
PW: Apparently there is one thing I couldn't take.
CHAP: The throne?
HT7: THANK GOODNESS!
PW: No! I care not for that any longer!
AT: You mean your wife, Catherine Gordon?
PW: (Sobbing) Yes! I haven't seen her since I departed the Earth, so long ago.
HT7: No hard feelings right?
PW: I only wish to see her again!
AT:I have a Cat that I hold dear to my heart as well.
PW: Let us commiserate together my brother!
HT8: HEY! HE'S MY BROTHER! NO STEALING!
AB: What are you, eight?
MT: There shall be no need for sibling theft Papa. I know where the Lady Catherine Gordon is.
PW: I shall be forever in your debt if you tell me!
MT: I accept your offer, Perkin the pretender. However, you will to wait until the next chapter.
PW: Such torment!
ET: You want to see the movie with us don't you?
MT: It is my favorite Disney film.
CHAP: That's why I picked it.
KF: How sweet! I'm getting cavities!
RIII: Will Perkin reunite with Catherine Gordon? Does Mary get to enjoy her favorite movie? And will Henry the Seventh finally admit that I have better hair than he does? Find out next time!
HT7: HEY THAT'S THE AUTHOR'S JOB!
Me: Hey, even authors deserve a break!
RIII: So you do not deny that my hair has a more of a lustrous sheen?
HT7: Important men have more important things to do than to DEEP CONDITION THEIR HAIR.
AT: Oh dear, let's not have a War of the Roses redux!
KF: YOU CAN TAKE EM PAPA TUDOR!
AB: DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM.
Me: UNTIL NEXT TIME THEN!
Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry I've been so bad at replying to messages. I'll try to reply to everyone in the next couple of days. Hope you all are doing awesome, and again, thanks so much for reading! :D