He slid his hands over my bare thigh and I shivered at the possessive touch. It only strengthened my resolve.
"Sev, come on. You don't love me, you love what I symbolize to you: happy childhood memories and the good, the light side of the darkness you are getting so involved in." I slid a bit further away from him on the couch. The living room seemed too dark to be my home all of a sudden. "Don't you see?" I begged him then, setting my pride aside as best I could, leaning toward him, suddenly conscious of the skirt riding up my legs again. "You want to do the right thing."
He scowled, but his eyes were riveted on my leg, or maybe more specifically the skirt. I reached to pull the skirt down, but he stopped me with a warm hand on my wrist. "Personally, I think you may be over-analysing the situation."
I really looked at him then and with a frown, I realized things were far more complicated than I had believed. Another realization hit me and though I blushed furiously, I knew what I had to do.
"Look, you and I both know we will not see each other again after this. As much as I wish it could be different, if you follow the path you have set for yourself, I cannot be involved." I took a deep breath and expected him to speak, but he did not. Instead, he just stared at me with those eyes like whirlpools in a river at midnight. So I continued. "I will assume you agree. So why can't we just be honest with each other? Act as if this were the last time we would see each other. Don't you remember, Severus, you once liked the person I am, not just how I look." And I looked at him then, expectant and demanding.
His eyes were closed unfortunately, but his hands had curled into tight fists in his robes. He was silent.
I did not have the patience for his usual games, however. "Well?" I said and suddenly I realized how brash and rude my tone had become. I slid closer to him until I could feel his arm against mine. The tension in him eased some when I placed my arm around him. My voice was soft and steady as I spoke. "Can't it just be Lily and Sev, hanging out together...enjoying their time together...talking, laughing...can you do that?"
He turned to me then, our knees bumping, and grabbed my hands in his. His face was pale, his lips twitching and his eyes flat. Gone was the arrogant sneer and cold glare. I didn't even try to decipher the look.
"Lily, as much as I want to see you happy, it is something I cannot do." I raised my eyebrows, but waited for him to continue, his hands now caressing my own with his hot fingers. "I know I was forward earlier, but I meant everything I said."
This stunned me, but I tried to hide it. "Refresh my memory," I said softly to him, my eyes on our hands. I remembered well enough, but if he could not say it again, it wouldn't be real. This time I was really listening, not focusing on how close he was to me.
He sighed and the agitation was pronounced in his slouch. "I believe my exact words were: 'I am sorry, but life isn't fair. If it was, you would love me as much as I love you.'" His shoulders sagged even further then and I fought the urge to look at him.
"Then what?" I whispered.
He sat up again and his grip on my hands became tight. I met his eyes then and could not help but smile widely. He was doing just as I had expected. He looked confused and nervous, his lip twitching again. I could see his confidence being regained in his face and in his eyes, his lips going taut in a tiny smile.
Again, he slid his hand up my leg, stopping when his fingers brushed the cotton of my knickers. It still felt possessive, but also exciting. Leaving his hand up my skirt, he leaned over me, pushing me back against the settee. He was so close our noses were touching as he whispered to me. "Please."
My grin faltered into a determined frown and I whispered back, "You understand don't you. This absolutely must be the last time." He nodded slightly, his eyes never leaving mine. I knew there was doubt written all over my face, but I kissed him anyway. His arms wrapped around me almost immediately, pulling me to him. His lips were all over my face and for a moment, I felt like a doll, limp, helpless, before I grabbed his face and brought his lips directly to mine. He squeezed me in response.
I could not believe the response of my body to his. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before with James, the only other guy I'd snogged. Severus and I had kissed when we were young, but it was not like this. Those close-mouthed experiments had been sweet and mild. This was hot, passionate...unusual. His body was very warm and thin, but also firm and reassuring. His arms formed an iron grip around me, his fingers pressing heavily into my sides. His lips were soft and pliable, following my own. I realized, suddenly, that he may not have kissed another girl.
Without thinking, I pulled back a bit. "Sev, am I your first kiss?"
He turned the color of a strawberry and said, "Does it make a difference?"
It didn't. He was right. I shook my head, my grin returning slowly. I tightened my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. "Come on then." I think he snorted, with laughter I silently hoped, before his lips met mine.