I don't own Twilight.
Part I — Renesmee Cullen
I didn't think it would hurt this much. Of course, I've only been alive for nearly seven years, what do I know? Most sixteen-year-olds would probably know more about this. After all, they've lived for sixteen years … and I – I just … wouldn't know how to react to this situation.
That's what I kept telling myself anyway.
In my heart though, I knew that I was just being a baby. So, Michael broke up with me. Big deal; life went on. Have a night of popcorn, chocolate, and a hefty glass of elk blood (my favorite) and I should have been fine.
Too bad it wasn't that easy.
I felt as if my heart was breaking into a million, tiny little pieces. Then those pieces were piercing my skin and they were tearing through, from the inside out. After those pieces broke through and fell to ground, I kept stepping on them and they cut my feet.
It hurt so much. Michael had been my first boyfriend and I really thought I … well, I loved him, like Mom and Dad loved each other. Or like Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. Like Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett loved each other. Or Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle did. But now, I felt as if I would be all alone forever … just like —
There was a rustle from behind me. Tearing my gaze from my favorite place, a cliff side that overlooked the ocean — my escape if the Volturi had ever come back and things got out of hand — I glanced back to the surrounding green trees and then sighed, turning my head back around to the ocean.
So, he was here to make me all better … just like he always did.
There was a little whine and then I could hear the rustling again. I caught his tall, lean form before he even sat down next to me; his russet skin and shaggy, dark hair, along his — always — bared chest, were like a beacon screaming 'look at me, look at me!' He dropped down and set his forearms on his knees.
I tried hastily to wipe the moisture on my face. I didn't want my best friend thinking that I had been crying over a boy. He would probably poke me and call me a loser. He would probably laugh.
"Hey, Jake," I mumbled quietly, silently cringing when my voice broke. "What's up? I thought you were on patrol today." After the Volturi had nearly killed all of my family seven years ago, Jacob and his pack — along with Sam's — took single-three hour shifts to protect us from any immediate attacks.
Jake loved it; he had told me once he preferred his wolf form over his human form. He said that he didn't have to think about anything except for the grass on the ground, the leaves on the trees, and how fast the air was speeding by him. Sometimes, like now for instance, I was just a little jealous.
I wished that I could escape this life sometimes. Just to be free for a little while. I wouldn't have to think of anything except the natural world around me.
" … Yo, Nessie? You listening?"
I looked over to him and cracked a sheepish grin. He glared at me but I could tell it was half-hearted. Jacob never got mad at me, no matter what I did. There was this one time when I was 'seven' and I had broken Aunt Alice's favorite vase and then told everyone I hadn't … Dad, of course, knew right away I was lying. Then they all got mad at me and told me the consequences of telling fibs.
Jacob though, he told me that lying wasn't a bad thing … sometimes, you needed to lie in order to protect yourself and others. But, I could always tell my parents. And if I was too embarrassed to tell them … I could tell him. He understood me better than anyone.
He lightly slugged me in the arm. Then he chuckled. "Sometimes you get lost in your own mind," he teased, tapping my head. I closed my eyes as his fingers brushed up against my scalp. He was always so warm; it made me feel safe … like he was my personal heater.
"Yeah, I guess," I mumbled, picturing myself throwing him off the cliff as his fingers were still touching my head. His laughter boomed, echoing off the rocky hills.
After a moment of listening to the rain falling over the ocean and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, he said, "Tell me what's going on."
I scoffed, trying to brush off the matter. "What? Wrong … why would you think anything's wrong? Can't I just come out here, to my favorite spot, just to enjoy the day?"
He rolled his eyes. "No," he replied sharply, teasingly. "You only come up here when you're upset. Even your parents, so blindly in love with each other, realize that. They pay more attention than you think; they all do, no matter if you think they don't love you as much as they love each other."
"I never sa —"
"Didn't have to."
Frowning, I bowed my head and out stretched my feet out. My aching toes protested to the act, but I curled and uncurled them. I was trying to avoid the question; I was just so worried that he'd laugh at me. I mean, I was like the epic failure of love. I had only had a boyfriend for a few weeks and already I was single.
"It's about Michael, isn't it?"
I cursed mentally, narrowing my eyes. Damn him for always seeing through my pitiful attempt at brushing off a subject. "Yeah," I mumbled reluctantly. "He broke up with me."
He pfft'ed and I glared. "I knew you wouldn't understand," I muttered darkly. I didn't mean my voice to sound so rude but … he was just so irritating sometimes. Couldn't he have just a little bit of compassion for my love life?
"Understand?" he replied, still chuckling. "What happened?"
He was going to try and prove me wrong, I knew it. "He liked his other girl better than me," I explained. "So, he dumped and asked her out." I shrugged. "I just … I don't know … I – I don't understand. W-what did I do wrong?" I paused, and tried to halt the tears I felt building.
"I mean, I know it's just one stupid little crush and I shouldn't get so upset about it … b-but it hurts, Jacob." I looked over to him as the first of the tears started to fall. "Mom fell in love with the first guy she ever had a crush on. And so did everyone else in my family. They seem to know when they are in love. And I – I … I can't do anything right."
Jacob scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, feeling the heat he seemed to radiate all the time. He was my personal heater. No, more like my personal sun.
"I'm more like you than you thought," he said seriously.
I wiped my tears just in time to look up at him in surprise. As far as I knew, Jacob had never had a girlfriend or even any other friends outside of my family and his wolf pack. He met with a girl, Lizzie, a couple times for car discussion but their relationship was completely platonic.
"How?" I asked dumbly.
He chuckled a squeezed my shoulder lightly. "Well, to put it plainly, I was in love with your mother. We were younger, it was before you were even a possibility, and I thought I wouldn't need anyone but her. Of course, she loved your father too."
My eyes were wide and my mouth was hanging open. "No way!" I whispered. "You loved Mom? But … doesn't her smell repulse you? I thought vampires and werewolves didn't like the smell of each other. Leah always gags when she gets near Emmett."
I giggled at the memory of Leah and Emmett having to sit next to each other at my last 'birthday.' It had been a few months ago when I finally turned sixteen in my physical and mental size. Everyone ( including my Grandpa Charlie, Billy, all the Elders, the two wolf packs, and all my family of course ) had been jammed packed in the living room and those two — who definitely had no problem stating their honest opinions — could not stop from nearly killing each other during the festivity.
He laughed with me. "Well, this was way back when, when she was still human." Yeah, I remembered hearing the stories about Dad changing just minutes after I was born.
"I loved her more than anything. She used to call me her personal sun." I was shocked by the familiar nickname I had given him. My personal sun. I was more like my mother than I thought I was.
"It was easy as breathing when we were together."
I saw his eyes glaze over; he was probably remembering all the memories in which I had no knowledge of. "I didn't think I'd ever imprint on a girl, it was supposed to be rare throughout werewolves, after all. When she chose your dad over me, I thought my life ended. I was so bitter …"
A sad smile etched his features.
"They got married and popped you out a few weeks later," he grinned suddenly and his eyes locked mine. But the happiness didn't reach his eyes. It worried me; as Jacob knew me like the back of his hand, I knew him like the back of mine. When his smile didn't reach his eyes, he was sad.
I looked down, afraid to say anymore. But then, I remembered something he had told me, just moments before. 'I didn't think I'd ever imprint on a girl, it was supposed to be rare throughout werewolves, after all.'
"Wait, have you imprinted on a girl?" I asked my eyes like saucers I'm sure. I mean, I knew about Sam and Emily and the rest of the werewolves who had imprinted. They said it was like nothing they had ever felt before; like they had some kind of attachment and could hardly stand to be separated from the one they had imprinted on. It was almost too much to bear.
He nodded slowly. "Yep," was his answer.
"Who?!" I was so curious. Was it Lizzie? I had met her once; after you got past how freaky smart she was when it came to cars ( she even taught Emmett and Dad a thing or two! ) she was really cool and nice. She loved blood and guts movies like I did and hated eggs. We would both throw up if we had to eat one.
Or maybe it was someone else. Maybe one of my classmates? Jacob, who hadn't aged since before I was born, went to school with to get some schooling done so he could handle a job that wasn't at a fast food restaurant. I hadn't seen him with anyone … was he keeping something from me?
"I can't say," he replied stiffly. "Why don't you ask your mom and dad? That should be an interesting story for them to tell you. Life before Nessie; yeah, I like it." He looked over to me and grinned again.
I nodded eagerly. "I will. Tonight. At dinner, I'll ask them."
"Ah, thanks for telling me in advance," he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Then I'll be eating at Emily's for dinner. I heard she's making enchiladas. They're awesome."
I narrowed my eyes but let it pass. One day without Jacob at dinner would probably be better for all of us. It was a little awkward for the vampires who didn't eat to watch as Jacob devoured everyone's meals while I ate part of mine and drank my blood from a cup.
Mom and Dad didn't like letting me hunt on my own too much. Kinda like driving because they never wanted me to do that either. But not really.
After another lapsed moment in silence he asked, "So, do you feel better? Or would you like me to go kill the guy who was blind enough to let you go?" He winked and I smiled, tucking a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. I blushed. Oh, how typical.
"Nah, don't," I said. "I'll just ask Alice to make me look hot tomorrow. Maybe then he'll realize exactly who he let go to waste."
He gasped dramatically. "Was that my Nessie Cullen that just said she'll take revenge?!" He put a hand on his chest, his mouth opened in fake shock. "What has the world come to!?"
I touched his forehead and showed him falling off the cliff again.
"Okay, I get it, I get it," he finally understood. "I'll shut up."
I grinned. "Thanks, Jakey," I said, referring back to the name I called him when I was only a few months old. Now I only used to make him forgive me.
"Sure, sure." He paused. "Ah, come 'ere, you brat."
He pulled me into a tight hug which soon turned into a tickling match. He won, of course; just like he always did. He knew that I was ticklish most up my sides so he always managed to win. He said he wasn't ticklish so I would never beat him. I didn't buy it.
I got up and brushed to dirt off of my jeans. "Well," I said, suddenly sad that our conversation had to come to an end. If he was going to Emily's, I probably wouldn't talk to him until tomorrow at school. I needed to head back now anyway; it was close to twilight. If I wasn't at home by dark, I'd so be dead.
"I guess I should head over to Emily's," he said, reading my thoughts. "And you should get home. Your parents will kill me if you're not back on time and find out that I'm the reason why."
He was already walking away before I even saw him get up. Sometimes, I wished I was the one with a little more grace. Even with my rapid changing-to-a-vampire state, I still couldn't stop from tripping or blushing or fidgeting every five seconds.
I blamed my mother. Everyone said she was exactly the same way.
"Hey, Jake!" I called. He turned his head, raised an eyebrow. "Um …" Suddenly, I didn't remember why I'd called him. Maybe it was because I didn't want my personal sun, the easy-as-breathing ( according to my mom ) best friend to leave me just yet.
"The girl you imprinted on. She's really lucky."
He turned around fully and smiled lightly, rubbing the back of his neck again. "Why do you say that?" he asked. "It's not like I'm anything special. Annoying, according to most people …"
"No, not annoying," I corrected. "You're just there. Always ready to protect someone. You said it was easy as breathing when you were with my mom …" He nodded slowly. "Well, it's different for me. Because, I can stop breathing any time I want. See."
I took a deep breath and held it to prove my point then went on.
"When I'm around you it's like …" I searched the words I wanted so desperately to say. "It's like my heart beating. I always know it's there but it takes no effort for me to keep it going. That's how easy it is being around you. As easy as my heart is beating."
He smiled to me sadly, though I wasn't sure why. "So," I concluded. "That girl is really special. I hope I can meet her one day." Then, I grinned at him like I usually did; all my perfect teeth showing and my eyes squeezed shut. He always told me I looked like a goof when I did that.
And he always smiled when I did.
Then, without opening my eyes to see if I had made him smile or not, I turned around and headed back home. It was already getting cloudy … I didn't want to be completely soaked by the time I got back.