Disclaimer: All characters from Blade, Underworld, and Twilight belong to their respective creators. Not me.
Author's Note: I normally avoid the use of profanity in the stories that I write; however, in this case, many of the characters would not be considered realistic if their language was always appropriate. So if bad language offends you, please be aware that this fic has some of that in it.
by Amos Whirly
When I was in elementary school (Yes, I went to school. Once.) I ended up part of a class project that pretty much kicked my ass. It was one of those projects that required skills beyond those of any normal kid—coloring inside the lines, using a calculator, writing legibly. I remember it vividly because it was freakin' impossible. But I persevered. I fought the good fight and all that crap. I finished. (Of course, my teacher and classmates had to threaten me with torture and a slow death many times before I did finish, but I finished, damn it. That's the point I'm trying to make here.). And on the day we were supposed to receive our reward, when the teacher was supposed to pat us all on the back and say "Good job, children!" or something teacherly like that, she pulled a fast one on us. All the work we had done on that first project was just the foundation—just the basics—just the beginning of an even bigger, harder project. I'm not even kidding.
So when I say that the Daystar Virus was the first class project, you'll have some idea of what I'm talking about.
We—as in we, the Night Stalkers, protectors and guardians of mankind, equipped with all forms of sweet ass-kicking firepower—started it. The end of the vampires. Our geneticist, Sommerfield, whipped up a batch of genetically enhanced, suck-head killing virus, and we infused it with the perfect blood of Drake, the first vampire. Instant vampire annihilation. Any suck-head in the area dried up and died right then. In six months, they were all gone.
No more hunting vampires. But before we could get bored (not that Blade ever gets bored), we were neck deep in werewolves. Werewolves! What the hell?
So, of course, Abby and I set off after the top dog (I meant to make that pun, thank you very much). We heard his name was Sirius or something like that. Something about naming himself after a star in a constellation. I don't know. Astronomy wasn't my thing.
Blade stayed behind and did his solo thing—whatever his solo thing is. And that's when we met Selene.
Selene—major hottie in black vinyl (I told Abby she should start wearing black vinyl, and she racked me so hard I doubt I'll ever have children.)—and her giant, slobbering, hybrid boyfriend, Michael.
I guess it's the destiny of all great freak-hunting teams to have their own personal hybrid. We Night Stalkers have Blade (though it's questionable if he considers himself a Night Stalker); Selene has Michael.
But here's where it gets interesting, folks.
Selene is a suck-head. A vampire. How is this possible, you might ask? Turns out Daystar only eliminated vampires from the lower covens. The high coven survived.
In other words, all our work and Sommerfield's sacrifice, meant jack shit. Daystar wiped out a couple million vampires. But there were probably still a few hundred thousand left. And with vampires, who could reproduce themselves many multiple times a day, our chances of winning the war were as slim as they had ever been.
But, Selene did provide some hope for us to cling to. The high coven vampires weren't usually interested in humans. Only power. That and eliminating the Lycans, as Selene called them. Werewolves. Selene's high coven vampire buddies (the ones that were left after their own personal apocalypse) were hunting werewolves too.
(Ka-ching! I had a brief hope that Selene would sign up for the super secret Night Stalker decoder ring that Blade never claimed.)
That's when she lapsed into some boring monologue about the history of her people, her strand of the vampire gene. Something about twin brothers, both immortal, one bitten by a bat, one bitten by a wolf. And that's how their war started. Something about elders. I really only started listening when she told me how she chopped one elder's head off and threw the other elder into the spinning blades of a helicopter.
Sweet, juicy action.
And apparently Selene and Michael have one up on all the other vampire/Lycan hunting teams out there because they're two-for-two on the hybrid chart. Michael is a vampire-Lycan hybrid. Selene is a vampire with immortal blood in her veins. (More hotness points for her.) But, as a result of their peculiar genetic makeup, the rest of the vampires in the world pretty much hated their guts. So while they hunted Lycans, they were in danger of being hunted themselves.
I'm still not sure how Abby did it, but she convinced Selene and Michael to work with us. To help us bring Sirius down.
Selene and Michael agreed.
So one day, while we were out hunting Lycans together in the park at midnight, we ran into something none of us expected.
We found a nest of Lycans—and a vampire.
It was odd, so Selene said (and if Selene says it, you better believe I'm going to listen), because no self-respecting vampire was going to be out hanging with Lycans. So we did the dogs and followed the suck-head after he scurried off in sheer terror.
Blade and Selene took point, of course, but Blade made it past her and hit the suck-head with everything he had. Knocked the sucker across the park and through five trees, and Selene was there to ask him what he was doing.
Now, I didn't get there until later, but Selene told me—us, I mean—that the dude up and kicked her. In the face.
So he and Selene fell into this freakin' vampire death match that uprooted half the trees in the park. Blade jumped in when Selene fell and cut the sucker to ribbons. That's when me and Abby got there. Michael had gone ahead of us and had made it to Selene just as she fell.
We decided that the suck-head had to be one of the high coven vampires, since Blade's killer sword hadn't turned him to ashes, but Selene didn't recognize him. And she had prided herself on knowing most all of the members of the high coven. It was essential knowledge, apparently, to know who was a threat to her and to Michael and who wasn't.
None of us doubted that Selene could memorize an army of facial features and remember them at will.
But before we could puzzle it out anymore, the vamp got up. Like the pieces of his body had just put themselves back together. He was perfect, like Blade hadn't just hacked him apart minutes earlier.
Abby and I tried to get in and fight, but he was too much for us. If Selene, Blade, and Michael hadn't been there, we'd be dead. It was that simple. He was way out of our league.
This guy—Man, we didn't know what to do. He was throwing Blade around like a rag doll; he even managed to break Selene's arm. He obviously didn't expect Michael's rage.
Yeah. Good old Michael. Not the best for strategy or even for experience, but the kid has heart, you've got to admit.
Michael tore him apart with his bare hands.
While Michael was helping Selene, Blade stood over what was left of the suck-head. Abby and I joined him.
I'm telling you right now. I about wet myself.
The frickin' suck-head was pulling himself together again. After Blade had cut him up. After Michael had torn him limb from limb!
Blade backed up flung an armful of silver daggers into the suck-head, and nothing happened. Selene regained her footing and unloaded a clip of UV rounds into the reforming corpse. Nothing. She did the same with a round of bullets loaded with garlic. Nothing at all.
By the time they had finished, the vamp was nearly on his feet again. He only laughed at us, grinning crazily, showing all his teeth.
Teeth. The vamp had teeth with no fangs. And his eyes were blood-red. His voice was more like a growl than anything else, and I don't know if it was the pain he was in or what, but I couldn't understand anything he said.
That's when Blade snapped. Stepped right up and cut the sucker's head clean off his body. And what do you suppose happened then?
You guessed it, sports fans. Nada. Zilch. Zippo.
The guy kept regenerating, even though Blade had a hold on his head.
So Abby came up with the idea to set the dude on fire. Why not? We'd tried almost everything else.
She shot a combustible arrow at him that immediately engulfed his pale body in flames. Once the body was flailing in anguish, Blade tossed the head back in, and we watched it burn. We waited until it turned to ashes and then waited even longer until the wind had scattered most of them too far apart to stick together ever again.
The suck-head was finally dead.
That night, back at Night Stalker HQ, Selene deduced that the vamp from the park was from a different coven. Another coven. One even stronger than the high coven she came from.
Stronger than Selene? Stronger than Blade?
It's pretty depressing, actually. To think all the work we'd put into wiping vampires off the face of the planet meant nothing. Blade wasn't exactly thrilled either. He sulked for half a day.
I suppose I could have just summed up our experience with the new breed of suck-head by telling you that we thought it was over and we weren't even close. But that lacked the drama that I was going for. To really understand the shit storm we unearthed, you really have to know everything that happened.
So, by now you're bound to be wondering exactly where I'm going with all this. Well, folks, the simple truth is I told you that story, to tell you this one.
Author's Note Part 2: My brother challenged me to do a Blade, Underworld, Twilight fic after I visited Forks, Washington. Curse him! I have too much to do to be starting another story, not to mention the two fics on here that are now on hiatus! But, oh well. Before I knew it, the story appeared in my head. So if you think this is a good idea for a fic, please comment and I'll continue. I have it all plotted out, but I don't know how often I'll get a chance to work on it, as I am currently pursuing actual publication of a novel. I'll do my best. Thank you for reading! )