I have an announcement, my readers.
This is the end of the story.
My well of creativity slowly dried up with each new chapter. Every time, the jokes were more forced, the message was less subtle, and the overall tone was more ranty. So I've decided to quit beating a dead horse and end with my dignity at least slightly intact. I covered every topic I wanted to, and covering any more topics would have just seemed nitpicky. I hope you all understand.
On with the fic.
End on a Gay Note
After scanning her files for quite some time, the girl turned back to face the teen. "That's it. There's nothing left," she stated flatly, closing the laptop.
"Glad that's over," the teen sighed, stretching his shoulder blades. "Now that I've been eternally scarred for life, let's wrap this up."
"Just get the lecture over with," the girl muttered, rolling her eyes.
"Me?" the teen said in surprise. "I've been talking this whole time! Let's hear what you've learned."
"Well, I, uh…" the girl stammered, caught off guard. "I know that porn fics are an acceptable guilty pleasure if they're written well, but I have to be careful not to write too many. Otherwise, Porn Without Plot becomes Writing Without Purpose. Readers don't just want to read about sex, they want actual, respectable stories with plots and characters they can get into."
"Good, good," the teen smiled, nodding. "Now talk about characterization."
"Writers should take the time to flesh out and develop their characters. Good characterization makes the story more believable and establishes a standard of quality. Don't twist and distort characters into the way you want them to be; that's a sign of immaturity. Authors should never write something just for self-gratification. All writing is for an audience; if you have a good idea, write it out in a clear, professional manner. You'll get appreciation and respect more often this way."
"What about the authors who say 'don't like it, don't read it'?"
"That's just an excuse. I know that now. A fan writer's work is being posted on the internet for the world to see. Anyone with half a brain and an internet connection can read it. Given the fact that readers take time out of their lives to read fanfiction, the least an author can do is make it worth their while. The whole 'don't like it, don't read it' mantra is really just a way to avoid criticism. Writers grow from receiving constructive criticism. Refusing to accept it just makes an author look conceited and immature."
"Any messages to the rabid shippers?"
"Just one: chill out. It's not really that big of a deal who hooks up with who. There are better things in life to be obsessing over. You shouldn't attempt to force your views of a franchise on anybody, either. Logical, civil debates are fine, but don't freak out. No character, franchise, or ship requires you to defend it to the death to be a fan. "
"Do you have anything else to say?"
"Not really. I think I get what you're trying to say. Treat fanfiction and the fandom the same way you want to be treated: with respect and appreciation. If you won't do this, there really isn't any point in being a fan at all."
The teen grinned satisfactorily. "Exactly. I knew this wasn't a waste of my time. You're a sensible fan now."
"Too bad none of the other fangirls I'm friends with will believe any of this," the girl remarked. "You'd have to do this to every fangirl in existence if you wanted to make a difference."
"Oh, I prepared for that," the teen replied, producing a PDA from behind his back. "I recorded our entire conversation onto this little doodad, ready for playback at a moment's notice."
"Smart," the girl said approvingly. "Never would have thought of that."
Her watch beeped, causing her to glance at it and gasp. "Oh no, I'm late for the Organization XIII Worship party! Sorry, gotta dash!" she said apologetically, leaping out of the chair and running to the door. She stopped just as she reached the doorway.
"What is it?" the teen inquired.
The girl slowly turned back to him. "…What are you going to do with that recording, anyway?"
"I figured I'd type up a transcript of everything we've talked about and put it online," the teen answered. "You know, to give a word of advice to the public."
"You're going to post it?" the girl asked skeptically. "Who'd want to read something like that?"
"You'd be surprised," the teen laughed.
Just a little nod there to all my faithful readers and reviewers. If I've managed to make even one person a better writer from reading this, I've done my job.
If you're still hungry for parody, I strongly reccomend the excellent fic Those Lacking Spines by Organization XI. The tone, structure, message, and humor are all MUCH better than this high-handed story will ever be.
Throughout the course of writing this fic, I've noticed that about half of my reviews wanted me to add more depth to the fangirl and give advice on how to write quality fiction. I hope I managed to come through here. Better late than never, I always say.
One last thing I need advice on: are my jokes good enough for me to try to write another humor fic? I need to know if I suck at humor as badly as I think I do.
Thank you for reading.