I walk alone.
That seems to be the theme running through my life, at the moment.
I've learned so much about life recently. In all my childhood I was shielded from the worst that God can give us. Shielded by my loving (ha!) parents.

They weren't so loving to everyone. Not to Cosette.
Poor cosette, she was alone all her childhood. She's not alone now. Now it's my turn.

If I could have anything, I'd wish to have Cosette's life. Even to have her childhood. Not just because of him... I realise that some things are meant to never be. But because I grew up in happiness, but with false ideals. Cosette at least knew she was on the right side of things, that there was injustice in the world and she was not part of creating it.

God, I hate myself now.

Cosette's a shining light in my life as well as his. I can see the joy in his face when he speaks of her, and that fills me with a feeling painfully sweet. True love dictates that I long for him to be happy, and now he is.

I dream, of course, that I could be the one to make him happy like that. But unless my dream could be reality, I wouldn't want him to desert her for me. Not after I've seen that look on his face.

Maybe I'm not so alone. Others around me celebrate their joy at living... life can't be worthless after all. I've thought of taking my life, but I realise it would be a waste. For as long as I'm alive, I can do my bit to bring happiness to whoever's life I can make a difference to.

I love him.

I love him enough to be truly happy for him. And while I cannot live on wishes alone, I can live on other people's joy.