An Unfathomable Truth

An Unfathomable Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or anything you recognize from it. I only own Tony and her story. All rights go to Jay Brannan for the lyrics I borrowed also.

Chapter One- Blistered Avalon (Prologue)

Tony was hungry in fact she couldn't remember the last time she did eat, not counting the beef leather that her companion threw at her, when they were filling up their empty gas tanks earlier that day. She didn't know where they were headed but from what she surmised probably a motel to debrief each other on their own hunts the evening before. She rarely found her own hunts; she was more of a soldier for him. He gave her hunts in clean pressed folders and she simply finished the job. She wasn't new to this, hell she'd been doing it since she turned fourteen but she still felt new. Was it only yesterday that she woke up still afraid of the dark? Now she new the truth, she would never fear the dark, she knew what was lurking in that spectrum.

Sitting across from each other, just as the sun was setting, a shit brown scratched table scattered with papers separating the two hunters. Atop of the papers was tonight's feast, Chinese takeout; which somehow fit with their surroundings. Tony knew the inside of the motel by heart it was always the same, one run-down after the other. I left normalcy and routines long time ago, Tony mused as she bit into what was too obscenely gross to be called chicken, then why does this seem normal to me now?

"What do you mean the house was empty?" Tony grimaced slightly as she watched her companion speak with his mouth full of food in mid chew, losing her appetite more and more as she thought about things, she couldn't help feel slightly frustrated and disgusted as she swore she felt something hit her on her cheek. Sighing, she flicked off the assaulting semi-chewed piece of food from her face.

"I mean Gordon, the house was abandoned. No nothing, as in… empty. Face it; you got a bust. Must I break things down into monosyllables for you," Tony couldn't help but spit back at him, she knew at any moment he could back hand her just for being short with him and his moods were so cold and hot. She could easily take him if things got too out of control; he was the one that molded her into what she was to this day.

"Lately every time you say my name it sounds… offensive." Gordon bit back smirking, leaning back he couldn't help but scrutinize her.

Something was off with her, he could tell a while ago but he somehow hoped it was just something he could blame on nature. It was as if something in her turned, she woke up one morning left and came back with her hair below her ears, and it was something he thought he would never see. From the time he took her under his wing she had long hair, always black, always in a ponytail. Nothing about her ever changed. She was as predictable as a mouse.

Then one evening, weeks ago they were both on separate hunts, she finished hers up rather quickly and came to help him with his little possession problem. They both knew he could handle something like that in his sleep but she was at that point, getting closer and closer to him. He had the girl tied up and was back handing her just as Tony slipped in. Not once questioning him, she simply leaned back to watch. He forgot she was even there when hours later that bitch tied to the chair refused to give him anything he wanted to hear about his cousin that had gone missing. Then the possessed bitch looked past him and found Tony's gaze. She kept muttering things that to him seemed utter bullshit but he looked over and growled as he noticed that Tony let that demon bitch get to her. He knew he wouldn't get anything out of her so he kept beating her and finally exorcised her.

Not once glancing back he got his stuff and went to his truck and waited. He lost track of how long she was in there for but finally after what seemed like eternity she stalked out and climbed into her car and drove off. They only spoke about it once and both were still cringing thinking about the punches that were thrown when neither agreed.

"You are; to me and everything that I thought I was doing this for. I need to take a shower." Grabbing her duffel bag, she stalked into the bathroom before slamming the door shut.

Making sure the lock was into place she thought about what was needed to be done. She wasn't happy, she owed Gordon so much for helping her and training her but they were different now. She was older, she was never selfish, she would have given him anything and he took everything he could get his bastard hands on. She spent a better part of her teenage years with him and she swore she could have loved him. But she was eighteen now and the circumstances changed the moment she finally opened her eyes to what kind of thing he really was.

Yes, it is better this way, Tony thought as she turned the water on. For once, not caring about anyone but herself she made sure to use all of the hot water. She still couldn't get the image out of her head, of him beating the poor girl to death and then him muttering the exorcism out, he didn't have to kill the girl and then finish the job, it didn't have to be that way.

She knew his cousin was dead, he knew it too but he couldn't control himself. And that is what scared her the most. How many times did she turn her back to him and trust him enough not to kill her? How many times did she do his dirty work? How many innocent lives did she kill too blinded by him to see that they were not evil? That made him no better than the darkness she swore to stand against.

Shaking herself from her thoughts she turned the now freezing water off and dried herself. Grabbing clean matching underwear she dressed herself making a mental checklist, as if that was the only thing that was helping her from running the hell away from him at that precise moment. Black pants, check. Black t-shirt, check. Black socks, check. Boots, check. Quickly glancing around the bathroom she threw anything else in her duffel that was hers, "let's end this shit", she muttered under her breath before opening the door.

Gordon looked up and looked her over, smirking again. God how she now hated that smirk, she could still remember when she felt butterflies when he looked at her like that. Thank god it was just an infatuation that she never acted upon.

Rolling her eyes at him she went around the room to make sure she got everything that was hers, trying to be efficient and fast as possible.

"What do you think you are doing?" He looks pissed and shocked. Why should he be surprised, she thought as she zipped her duffel up.

"Look Gordon, I think it's time. I mean I've been with you for four years now and thank you for all that but no thank you anymore." Shoving her arms through her coat she took out her car keys and slowly made her way to the door. He was still sitting by the table with that dumbstruck look on his face.

"Is this about that bitch?" He so did not even go there.

"No…I mean yes… no. Y'know what this is about? You are not what you were when I first met you; you've changed. No, you know what, you haven't. It was me all along that has changed"

Concentrating on opening the door she turned back slightly,

"I mean, did you think I would be your little soldier forever? You reaping all the rewards while I worked my ass off? Yeah, I love this job but how can I do it anymore when I don't even trust the intel you give me? You were never on the good side; you are no better than them. Be at peace Gordon Walker because goddamn, finally I will be." Shutting the door firmly behind her, Tony jogged to her car.

He's too dazed to come after me, she thought as she let out a breath she wasn't even aware she was holding. Throwing her duffel into the back seat of her 1969 Chevy Camaro, Gordon never liked her car, he thought it was too much, a simple black car to get the job done but she made sure too save enough to buy this baby when she turned eighteen. She adored the dark blue, bordering on black model, smiling as she silently traced her finger on her door handle, still new to her, she often caught herself gazing at this baby whenever she had the chance. Making sure she had all of her artillery locked in the trunk under a blanket flap, she started to feel herself relax slightly.

Getting in, she sped off, refusing to look back. Tonight was the beginning for her and deciding on blasting Jay Brannan as she drove away from this long over due bad nightmare was something she found comforting. Singing along she felt more and more herself that she had in a while;

You say good start

I say perfect ending

This world has no heart

And mine is beyond mending

Wiping down menus of food

I can't afford if this is my destiny

Then why am I so bored?

Am I suicidal? Or am I hungry?

American idol get the hell off my TV

I can sense the future

In this Pennsylvania night

It is sealed for my protection

But if I can pick my poison, I just might

Breaking up is hard to do

But waking up is harder I had plans, and they fell through

Now I'm back to beg and barter

Please review and flamers will be given to Gordon to handle. Thank-you! And huge creds go to my awesome beta reader gypsywoman1!!