Title: Out of My Mind
Author(s): bexi21 and KathyJay
Disclaimer: We own nothing in this story except for our own little plot line and any characters you may not recognize. Everything else is property of the genius Stephenie Meyer.
Spoilers: Make sure you've read Twilight and at least up to Chapter 3 of New Moon.
Synopsis: Bella can't fathom living her life without Edward in it. When he left her behind in Forks, his intention was to protect her from himself. But leaving her ignited something no one ever foresaw, not even Alice. Because of Edward's decision, he's killing his one true love. Can Bella be saved before she is lost to Edward forever, or is she doomed to a fate beyond anyone's control?
A/N: For areas in italics, some things were either paraphrased or directly quoted from the following pages and books; 'Twilight' - pgs. 450-451, 455-456, 463-464; 'New Moon' - pgs. 69-70. Most of that material is property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement was intended. This was purely to depict flashbacks in the story. It's all for entertainment purposes and we receive no profit from any of this.
Also, I will be putting a link to a video preview of our story in my profile. Credit for the video goes to KitKatCullenBar :)
He's gone. I can't bring myself to even think his name. There's a hole in my chest so wide I'm surprised the rest of my body doesn't collapse around it. I was shocked when my body actually enabled me to fall asleep after what happened, but when I did, I was tortured by dreams of him. I don't know if I would call them nightmares... Any way that I could see his face can't possibly be referred to as a nightmare, especially now that he's gone... How else can I keep him with me?
I was in the dance studio, scrambling on my hands and knees on the floor trying to get away from the hunter. James. Warm blood spilling down my head pooled down to the wooden floor, the smell of it twisting my stomach... It was sucking my consciousness away with it... Let it be quick... My eyes were closing...
I heard, as if from underwater, the final growl of the hunter. I could see, through the long tunnels my eyes had become, his dark shape coming toward me. With my last effort, my hand instinctively raised to protect my face. My eyes closed, and I drifted... A sharp pain slashed my upraised hand...
Carlisle was bent over me, working on my head. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."
Edward's face was drawn. I watched his eyes as the doubt was suddenly replaced with a blazing determination. His jaw tightened. I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it in place. Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin.
At first the pain was worse. I screamed and thrashed against the cool hands that held me back... Then, slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb...
"Is it all out?" Carlisle asked.
"Her blood tastes clean," Edward said quietly. "I can taste the morphine."
I was lying in a hospital bed. Edward leaned in slowly; the beeping noise accelerated wildly before his lips even touched me. But when they did, though with the most gentle of pressure, the beeping stopped altogether.
He pulled back abruptly, his anxious expression turning to relief as the monitor reported the restarting of my heart.
"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." He frowned.
"I was not finished kissing you," I complained. "Don't make me come over there."
He grinned and bent to press his lips lightly to mine. The monitor went wild.
I was standing in the middle of the forest with Edward. The trees began to spin around us, faster and faster until I fell to the ground.
Edward glared his icy gaze down at me, his voice echoing repeatedly though his lips did not move. "I'm no good for you, Bella... My world is not for you... I don't want you to come with me..."
He turned and started to run away from me, so fast that he got lost in the mess of swirly trees.
"Edward... wait! Come back. Edward, don't leave me. Please..." I begged the trees to stop spinning.
And suddenly, just like that, they did. And then it was black. Nothing but black. My quick and shallow breath echoed too loudly in my ears. There was no other sound, no wind, no birds, no trees...
"Edward?" I whispered, my voice cracking.
I strained my ears and held my breath, hoping to be able to hear him though the pitch black. I heard a low growl right behind me and I turned around to a pair of bright topaz eyes glowing in the darkness.
"Edward." A tear burned my cheek and I could see him clearly now. His expressionless face tore my heart to pieces.
"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
I woke up screaming, sitting upright in bed. I couldn't breathe. It hurt too much. I clutched at my ribs. The pain was crippling.
Suddenly I heard my song playing as if his piano was right in my bedroom, then his perfect voice was whispering in my ear: Bella... Don't cry, Bella.
"But you left!" I whimpered. My voice was so small.
I'm right here. Listen to my voice, Bella.
I looked around the room, sniffling, wiping at my face. Had he come through my window and was hiding somewhere in the darkness? No. It was my mind playing tricks on me. He really was gone... but his voice was comfort enough for now. At least I still had that little piece of him left.
Don't cry, Bella. Go back to sleep.
The piano kept playing my song and I obeyed him, laying my head back down onto my pillow after I turned it over so the tear-soaked side was on the bottom. "Don't leave me," I whispered into the darkness, hugging my arms around myself. I closed my eyes. "I love you..."
I will always love you.
His soft, angelic voice echoed around me as I welcomed the sleep that clouded my mind. I could feel the tears warm on my skin, slowly slipping down my face. I tasted their salt as they rolled over my lips and pooled into the material of my pillow. Every nerve in my body was singing and when the last syllables of his words pierced my mind, I felt my legs relax. My arms grew slack and the beating of my heart slowed to a pace almost inaudible to my own ears. Soon, there was nothing but black.
He was so devastatingly beautiful as he stood before me. His liquid gold eyes shown with such intensity, that my limbs were frozen in place. We were like two statues standing in the middle of the forest. I was the lowly human girl, desperately clinging onto the image of his face. And he was anything but human as his nose flared dangerously when the wind blew my scent to ruffle the strands of his bronze hair. He was infuriating, powerful, stunning. He was Edward – my Edward. And he was leaving me.
I could feel my throat constricting at the thought of never seeing him again. My heart began to beat rapidly beneath my chest and even when the tears clouded my sight of his glorious face, I knew that his expression hadn't changed. He was still cold and hard, still so much more superior to me. Did the hysteria that was surely about to burst through me not make him feel the smallest hint of guilt? Pity even? I'd take anything if I could only see those topaz eyes sparkling with emotion for me again.
"You promised!" I pleaded, willing to drop down to my knees and beg if I had to. "In Phoenix, you promised you would stay – "
"As long as that was best for you."
I knew it then. When I looked into his eyes, rimmed with the tiniest trace of black, I knew that he no longer loved me.
Sweat dripped down the back of my neck. I was gasping for air, willing the oxygen to fill my lungs that burned painfully within my chest.
"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"
Charlie had burst through my door, his hair wild, eyes crazed. "Honey, what's wrong?" he asked again, clearly on the verge of panic, as he looked me over.
It was then that I glanced down at the sheets that were twisted over my leg. My other leg was hanging off of the bed and the alarm clock was now lying on its side on the hard wooden floor. "I-I…" I swallowed hard, furrowing my brow as I tried to concentrate. "It was just a nightmare, Dad. I'm fine," I lied.
His small dark eyes narrowed in on me. Hadn't I been told more than once that I was a terrible liar? "Are you sure?" His voice was gruff from the lack of sleep, something that was undoubtedly my fault.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
He huffed something inaudible and then nodded. "Let me know if you need anything, Bells."
"Ok," I whispered, watching him retreat through the doorway.
'She was always a terrible liar. What the hell did that Edward do to her?'
Bewildered, I stared into the back of his white nightshirt. "What did you say?"
"What?" Charlie turned around quickly to look at me, his eyes confused as they glistened in the moonlight from my window. "I didn't say anything, Bella. Now, get back to bed. You've got school in the morning."
He then closed the door, leaving me to sit in my mess of tangled sheets as I stared blankly at the spot where he once stood. "This is insane," I whispered, threading my fingers into the roots of my hair. Sighing heavily, I allowed my body to give way to gravity and collapse back onto the mattress. My eyes stared unseeing towards the ceiling above me, studying a patch of whiteness and imaging it to be part of his skin – so close to me and yet so far away. Slowly but surely, my eyes fluttered close and all was dark once more.