Here is a small fanfic I wrote AGES ago for the sheer heck of it which has parody-ish humour . It's part of a series of them I am going to write, so look out for later chapters (which will be put up when they are written). I'm not going to tell you what the story is about, so you'll just have to read it. This is a side project. Those of you who have read HTMMSHE, my other fanfic, and have complimented me on my humour, take a look at this and see why I don't do so too often XD Anyway, ENJOY!
Atop a high tower a pale face, framed with green bangs, watched the distance. A look of sadness, rejection and betrayal was spread across his features, his eyes narrowed in anger.
"Once again, you reject me, My Kitten." He muttered to himself, his voice bitter. As he thought over the last few weeks, filled with relentless of fighting, his heart grew heavy. Whatever he did, he was turned away and abused more, and each time he was broken more and more. Yet, the more she refused him, the more he wanted her.
Why is Ichigo so stubborn? Kish asked himself, his search for an answer futile.
Kish scanned the horizon, watching flashes of green, blue, violet, orange… and pink. Pai was vainly attacking the city again… by himself. The Mews would beat him soon enough, they always did, but Kish wasn't going to help…
"You need a plan." Kish muttered to himself again, his eyes dropping to his hands. "Something to make Ichigo love you… something special… something…"
Kish paused, and reached behind him, bringing out a board with paper stuck to it. He reached to his ear, and pulled out a pencil from behind it. Studying the paper, he looked at the boxes he had checked.
Making-Ichigo-love-me-and-want-become-my-kitty-checklist-3… because-Taruto-ripped-up-the-first-and-Chimera Anima-ate-the-next…
Be romantic technique… check Ichigo didn't approve of me trying to get her to come and live with me whilst the rest of her planet died and got taken over. Dumb idea anyway.
Try the hard-to-get technique… check. Dumb idea… she hardly glanced at me whilst I tried to stay witty and superior.
Be perverted technique…check. This never works… no clue why.
Physical technique… check. Note to self: Grabbing Ichigo round the waist equals instant bad reactions…
Stalker technique…check. See Be Perverted. Ok… I do have a clue. I don't think she likes me staring at her through her bedroom window, even when she isn't changing…
"Hey!" Shouted Kish in surprise, a smirk spreading across her face. "There's one thing I haven't done! It's not even on the list!"
Kish hurriedly ripped the paper from the backboard, and flipped it over onto the blank side. He hurriedly scrawled the name of the next technique, drew some badly drawn boxes and scribbled some names beside them.
"Hmmm…." He mumbled to himself, looking at the names. "Let me see… which one would be the best first… Minto? No… too stuck up. Pudding? Taruto would hate me… Zakuro?"
His eyes widened and Kish gave out a sly snigger, his body becoming animated. He floated up into the sky, his face beaming.
"Yes! The wolf-girl!" He cried, "She's the one. She's older, and she's mature! She's developed… and moderately attractive."
Kish chuckled again, rubbing his hands.
"Why didn't you think of it before?!" He asked himself, his voice rising in volume slowly. "You could get Ichigo to love you so easily! SO EASILY! And all you need to do is follow some people around for a week."
Kish looked down at the place where the last pink glow had come from, his knowledge telling him that that was the last place Ichigo had been.
"Ichigo, My Kitty," He said, his face glowing with excitement. "I will have you yet!"
Kish appeared abruptly in the middle of a battle scene, his hands by his side. He floated in mid-air, a few metres away from Pai, who was attacking the Mew Mews by directing various kinds of Kirema Anima's.
Pai turned to him, and smiled slightly, "So you've come to help?" He asked, "Good, the Mews are wea-"
Kish frowned, "No, no, no!" He said loudly, with enough volume for anyone to hear. "I'm here to see, My Toy!"
Ichigo, startled, below froze, and began to back away. She knew what was coming next. That perverted alien would come and get her, and perhaps fight a kiss out of her.
"Kish… this is no time for ga-" Started the cat-girl, trying to sound professional.
Kish's eyes flickered to Ichigo for a moment, and he gave her a dismissive glance, hardly letting his eyes settle upon her form before scanning the world below for something.
Ichigo felt confused. What was he up to? Why wasn't he being perverted?
Kish finally spotted what he was looking for, and he suddenly began to float towards whatever it was. He began to grin stupidly, knowing Ichigo was watching his movements with a lot of interest. It was working!
"Let the Jealousy Game commence!" He muttered under his breath.
"Aha!" Cried Kish, a boyish smirk crossing his face. "There you are, my little Puppy!"
Kish let his eyes focus on the older girl before him, and he let his perverted instinct take over. He stared at the skimpy outfit, a cheeky look on his face. He couldn't help but notice that her bodice was extremely tight, and it revealed quite a bit...
Kish giggled, he wouldn't usually be like this, but he knew Ichigo was watching so he had to look attracted, didn't he? He had an excuse!
Zakuro looked at where Kish's gaze lay, and a concerned look crossing her face.
"Kish, I suggest you join the fan club." She said flatly, turning away from his perverted eyes. "Although, I'm afraid I don't work for Playboy."
Kish's jaw dropped open, and he was left without anything to say for a moment. However, then he remembered his plan, and he restored himself to his previous stance.
"Oh, my little Wolfie is in a playful mood today, isn't she?" He said, floating towards her and putting an arm round her waist, glomping her to him.
Zakuro froze, and she turned to look at the alien, who had grabbed her from behind. A sheepish grin had taken over the beings face, and she stared at him coldly, making him exceedingly nervous. Not that he'd show it.
Pudding let out a giggle, finding it funny to watch her sharp-tongued friend within the grasp of the perverted Kish.
Zakuro continued to look at him, and Kish slowly began to let go of her, as if retreating.
However, just as she turned around to face the alien, he launched himself at her. Glomping her more tightly then before, he attempted to give her a peck on the cheek.
Yet instead of feeling soft skin beneath his lips, he found a palm heading towards his head, and then a sudden stinging pain working its way around his scull.
Like a lifeless doll, Kish was flung to the ground, Zakuro looking on unemotionally.
"I don't appreciate harassment." She said, taking out her whip with a cruel smile.
Kish lay on the ground, his hand covering the place where she had slapped him. A creepy giggle was emitted from this throat, and his eyes gleamed.
He got up and leapt into the air, turning to face the object of his love.
"You are feisty, aren't you, Papi-Chan?" He said, licking his lips.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the Mews watching him with intense interest. Jaw dropped, his Ichigo was standing in a cloud of confusion… and Kish though he could spy a little sadness in her eyes. Kish nearly started laughing hysterically at how easy this was.
Now for the next part of the plan, Kish said to himself, internally giggling.
"Though maybe attacking me went a bit too far." Said Kish, with a serious look upon his face. "You could have hurt me, my pet!"
The Mews looked at him oddly. Kish's face took on a look of slight madness;
Kish turned to look at the bewildered Ichigo, a serious sounding tutting noise being emitted from his lips.
"My dear Ichigo," He forced a look of mock sadness to come over his face, "It's been fun loving you, but I've moved on."
He floated down to just before her, enjoying the stares of all the people around him. Pai's expression was particularly priceless.
"I now have a new person to be devoted to… and I'm not looking back." He smiled. "Bye Bye Ichigo!"
Kish turned away before he could see her reaction, purposely turning his back. Knowing she would be upset made him unhappy, but this would all be worth it… it would… he'd make sure of it.
Turning back towards Zakuro, and giving her a romantic smile, he shouted, "You're my new favourite toy, Okami-san." He winked at her, "Aren't you pleased?"
"Ecstatic." Zakuro's ice-cold tone bit back.
"Ahhh…" Kish smirked, knowing her words were dripping with sarcasm but purposely playing stupid. "Great to hear!"
He floated back over to her and grabbed the purple-haired girls chin. He had to float a few inches off the ground to stay level with her. He forced his gaze into her eyes. Zakuro swiped at him again, but this time he caught her wrist to avoid another bruise. Hastily, Kish let go of her chin to grab the other arm, deeming her completely helpless to flail in his grip. Not that Zakuro was one for flailing.
Pushing his face until it was but a few centimetres from hers, he uttered daringly. "If you're so happy, then you won't mind if I do this…"
He then began to close the gap between their faces, feeling her hot breath on his face. Imagining she was his Ichigo, he closed his eyes and began to press his lips lightly against hers.
Zakuro passionately responded by…
Bringing a well-aimed knee up to his crotch.
Kish exhaled sharply, his eyes widening. He found himself instinctively letting go of Zakuro to nurture his injured privates. Pain pulsing through him, he dropped to the ground, desperately trying not to whimper. Tears formed in his eyes.
Zakuro, none the worse for her experience, simply began to stalk away from him, seeming completely undisturbed and serene.
"I'm going back to the café." She muttered, not even turning to look at the wounded Kish.
The Mews didn't stop her, their eyes remaining on the perverted alien, who was just beginning to recover from the pain.
Kish remained motionless, thinking through his next move. Kish had realised, at the exact moment that Zakuro's joint had reached his sensitive area, that this plan could not go on. DEFINITELY NOT! He'd rather take Pudding's childish yapping then have his most private area be crushed constantly, until they were beyond recognition.
Jealousy Game Phase #1: Failed
Kish raised his gaze to the amused Mew Mews, forcing a smile at them through the pain. Gritting his teeth, he spoke to them in a voice that was 2 tones higher then usual, "Aha… it seems Papi-chan isn't the one for me after all." He winked, "I guess I will have to go after the next fruit which takes my fancy."
He winced, "Bye bye Mew Mews!"
Then, to save himself from further embarrassment, he clicked his fingers and disappeared, leaving behind six people with their eyes open in amazement staring at an empty space.
Back on the tower, sitting on a bag of ice, a mortified Kish took out a checklist from behind his back. He uttered a hefty sigh.
"Ah, Ichigo." He mumbled to himself with a sigh.
He took the pencil out from behind his ear and swiftly crossed out the first name upon the current plan's list. Zakuro would no longer have any part in this plan.
He continued, his eyes closing, "My affections for Zakuro may have evaporated… and wounded I may be… it isn't the end. No matter who I have to love, I will have you yet. That is a promise, Koneko-chan."
Ah, Kish! What is he like? How idiotic is he for messing with Zakuro? Who will be next? Tune in soon to find out!