Gosh, I haven't updated this in over a year o_O Sorry about that folks XD I swear it wasn't intentional. I bet none of you original readers are around anymore XD Ah well, here's a chapter anyway.

Enjoy :)

The sun was high in the sky, shining rays of pleasant sunshine upon everything on earth. Kish was refreshed from a night of sleep, his wounds somewhat less painful.

He was very much ready to proceed with the next phase of his current plan. His mind was prepared, his heart was set and his body could do nothing but grudgingly go along with it.

The question now was who was next on his list?

Kish sat upon the bricks, his legs crossed as he studied his clipboard. Casting an eye down the list of possible future lovers, he sighed.

The obvious choice had already gone. Such a shame. He had thought that he would be able to complete his plans with just one well thought out selection, that he would never have to resort to Phase 2. Unfortunately, now he was left with people he would find it more difficult to be attracted to and, perhaps, put up with at all.

Kish twirled his pencil in his fingers thoughtfully, his eyes closing in thought, "Ah, so… we have the Monkey, the Bird and the Fish!" He paused, his voice becoming a mumble, "A brat, a snob, and a…"

He trailed off, giggling at his own hesitation, searching his mind for something to say about the last mew.

Lettuce… what wasnoticeable about her? She was quiet, shy and… quiet. She even had the blandest food inspiring her name.

He chuckled for a moment, realising that he knew absolutely nothing about the girl. She was just… there in the background…

"But…" A smirk spread across Kish's features, an idea striking his mind. "Perhaps…"

His mind busied itself, latching on to that revelation.

Zakuro, he had to admit, had been a bad first choice. She was cold, more refusing than Ichigo and, he winced, practically lethal. She may have seemed like a person Kish would take interest in but even doubted that Zakuro would find him a possible match, with her awkward personality. People like her just weren't capable of grasping greatness, even when its magnitude was as great as his.

But Lettuce, the compulsive apologiser, seemed the giving type and, more importantly, she wasn't one to fight back. Perhaps his advances wouldn't be quite so readily rejected by the easily spooked green-haired girl?

Kish raised his eyebrows.

Maybe he had gone about this the wrong way. He had always assumed that the plan would be temporary charade that he would only need to keep up for a short amount of time. Now he knew he'd over-estimated how effective his plan would be be. He should have known that Ichigo, as stubborn and immovable as a wall, would not change so quickly. This plan needed to be long term rather then short term. He needed to build a fizzing relationship rather than just display his apt courtship skills to win Ichigo over. Having Lettuce as his toy for a while would be beneficial for his image, for he could show Ichigo how supportive and fun he always was. It might even break down Ichigo's firm (and entirely incorrect) opinions of him, for she'd see what she was missing, a passionate boyfriend with a little sparkle. She would recognise him as an interesting significant other, unlike dull Masaya or the goody two-shoes 'I will protect you' Blue Knight. Ew.

Kish chuckled as he put the pencil to paper and he drew a quick tick besides his next victim's name. He floated leisurely up into the air, a smile plastered across his face.

"Ah, Ichigo." He mumbled, eyes upon the horizon, "You'll realise you love me soon enough. I promise."

Kish appeared high in the air, floating above the ground where a fight was raging yet again.

Below him, five figures were fighting a large mutant cat and, beside him, his brown-haired comrade was sitting in mid air.

"Kish!" Shouted Taruto in surprise, "What're you doing here? I thought you were too busy sulking to come and help?"

Kish smiled at his scowling companion, and giggled, "I wasn't sulking, I was coming up with a master plan. Now, I've come here to claim what is mine."

Taruto looked at him strangely, "You're not going after that old hag again, are you?"

Ichigo and Zakuro stopped fighting simultaneously and spun round to see him. Zakuro swore under her breath.

Kish didn't bother answering the younger alien's question. The boy would know soon enough what he was doing. Besides, he was feeling rather flattered that he now had the complete attention of two Mews. Gosh, he hadn't done anything yet!

He studied the faces of the two girls, his gaze lingering on the pink-haired cat girl. Ichigo looked somewhat curious and, wow, was that masked jealousy he saw? Oh, surely it had to be! He bet that Ichigo was already missing his attention, why else would she be looking so obviously lost? Surely after this plan, she would crack. Then she'd be his forever!

Kish silenced his thoughts. He must not get ahead of himself. He needed to move ahead with his scheme if he was to catch Ichigo's heart as well as her attention. Without thinking further, he floated down towards Zakuro in order to initiate the first part of this new plan.

"Ah, Okami-san." He mused sadly, forcing a frown to pass across his face. "It's been fun… so very fun. I have much enjoyed the time we have spent together, brief though it was, and it shall forever remain in my heart. However, I regret to tell you that the pain," He couldn't help wincing slightly at the mere thought of it, "you afflicted upon me has caused me to rethink our relationship."

He sighed sadly, "I'm afraid, Papi-chan, I can't go on with your cold ways. It's tearing me apart. So… my pet, I end our relationship. Goodbye."

Kish forced himself to turn and float away to drive in the message. He had only just managed to keep a straight face. Zakuro had looked so intensely puzzled, oblivious. It was entirely amusing. As he moved away, he heard a comment resembling 'Good riddance' (though, frankly, it was probably more exteme than that) coming from the wolf-girl. He smirked as he came to rest beside a very puzzled Taruto.

"I thought you liked the cat-hag?" He said Taruto, bewilderment upon his face.

"It's part of a plan." Kish whispered with a giggle.

Taruto just rolled his eyes.

Kish ignored him, focusing instead on the task at hand. He scanned the earth beneath him, looking for the mew next in line to get the honour of his 'love'. He spotted her on the edge of the battle scene, vainly trying to pacify a Kirema Anima from behind, and playing a poor amount of attention to him. He smiled. Perfect! She was barely involved in the fight AND he could catch her unaware! What a perfect time to make her his!

Chuckling to himself as he clicked his fingers. The air swallowed him and he reappeared a milli-second later a little way away from Lettuce.

Completely oblivious to the alien behind her, it was only when his arms grasped firmly around her waist that she froze.

He breathed gently into her ear, "Hello, my little goldfish."

In return, Lettuce simply turned a bright shade of red. She made no move to shake him off, she simply stood there, completely mute. It was only after a few moments of silence that she managed a stuttered acknowledgement;


Kish was surprised to feel a pang of warmth for the girl. Her girlish cringing was quite amusing to watch, he had to admit. He missed the cattishness of his Ichigo, yes, but this would do nicely until the cat-girl realised her undying adoration for him.

"Ah, my little fishy." He murmured with a deliberate sensuousness, "You're so pleased, I've taken your breath away. Dear Lettuce, I have finally realised that we are meant to be and I'm sure you feel the same. Let us not refuse our love any longer."

Kish was not quite sure how she would respond to his best Masaya impression, but if Ichigo liked her dull-as-dirt boyfriend's sickeningly romantic comments, he was pretty sure Lettuce would too.

Lettuce responded by turning a deeper shade of red.

Kish felt a pang of frustration. Was that the only way this girl was going to react? As well as being completely irritating, this wasn't going to help him create a sizzling relationship. He pondered for a moment before coming to the conclusion that Lettuce was probably overwhelmed and that he would get no decent conversation out of her at this moment in time. He judged, grudgingly, that it was perhaps best to leave her for a while to let her figure out what to say. Besides, he mused, perhaps some time away from him would illustrate what he was offering her? Perhaps that idiotic earth 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' would ring true in this instance?

"Ah, Iruka-chan," He chuckled warmly, "A little shocked, I see? That's cute."

He let go of Lettuce and quickly forward so he could look at her properly. 'Tomato' would have been a more suitable name for the girl in that moment. Kish was pretty sure she'd pass out if any more blood rushed to her face.

"It's no matter," He grinned, "Answer me later. I shall wait for you, Sakana-chan. Keep thinking about what I've said, I shall return for you!"

Without further ado, Kish swiftly disappeared before the eyes of five gawping girls and one bemused alien.

For the rest of that day, Kish bided his time, waiting patiently for late afternoon. He knew that, if his genius plan was to work, he must catch his choice Mew alone.

Hidden in the bushes, the green-haired alien was relieved when he finally spotted Lettuce emerging from the bright pink building ahead of him.

He had been lying in wait, sat awkwardly in a tree, since the Mew Mew's (comical) headquarters closed, and that was more than an hour ago now. Needless to say, he had been getting exceedingly restless. He had had no idea what could be keeping the green-haired mew from leaving the café. Perhaps she had decided to stay back to clean… or maybe she'd had a sudden urge to bake cakes. Or something else ridiculously time consuming. Perhaps she was enjoying an ongoing illicit affair with the blond guy?

Ah well. She was out now. His patience had paid off. Now his Phase 2 could really commence.

He watched shy girl begin to wander homeward for a few moments before he clicked his fingers, transporting himself to just in front of the girl.

He had expected his sudden appearance to shock the girl, but he had not expected the surprise to be so prominent on her face. As soon as she spotted him, Lettuce's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open and she looked as if she was about to faint. The girl staggered backwards in notable fear, seemingly unable to speak.

Kish forced the smile to remain on his face, despite feeling a pang of disappointment. Aww! As much as he adored the trembling-under-your-mightiness look, he didn't find it very satisfying when a girl was completely incapacitated by his presence. He preferred to use his seductive techniques on girls who had more bite.

Ah well. She would do, anyway.

"Hey Fishy!" He grinned at her widely, placing his hands on his hips, "I told you I would wait for you but making me stand around for that long was pushing it a little."

His voice was filled with playful scolding, a tone he hoped would bring out the best in the Mew. However, despite his best efforts, the girl only seemed to grow paler.

Hmm. He had a feeling his playfulness was not going to work with this one. Shame… he didn't do serious very well.

"Ah Sakana-chan," He purred softly, "You should know that I won't bite. I would never hurt my little porpoise in a million years!"

Lettuce looked notably relieved. OH! He had it! Lettuce had thought he'd been there to attack her. He couldn't blame her, it was an easy mistake to make. Ichigo seemed to eternally believe Kish was trying to hurt her anyway. Perhaps she would speak a little easier now?

"So, have thought about your answer yet?" He giggled.


"Aww, come on, Fishy!" Kish murmured with a chuckle, "Surely you've realised you adore me by now. Have you still not made up your mind?"

He drifted downwards towards Lettuce, floating forwards to face her. She winced slightly as he raised his hand to her chin, grasping it firmly as he had done so many times with Ichigo. Now she was up close he could see she was breathing hard and trembling softly. Despite himself, he felt a pang of pity for the poor girl. As much as he enjoyed harassing people, he didn't enjoy scaring them witless.

They stood for a moment, gaze locked, before Kish could bare her petrified eyes no longer. He stepped backwards with a sigh, blinking as he watched Lettuce do the same.

The girl's figure straightened as she moved backwards, and Kish noted that she seemed to be trying to inject some confidence into her submissive form.

Hmm… perhaps he was in for a fight after all?

Lettuce looked at him with a shaky smile, "I-I have an answer for you, Kish."

Kish looked at her intently, feeling slightly silly for being shocked at the fact that the girl had muttered something comprehendible.

He then grinned. He was in luck. He was right, the shy mew could not refuse him. If he maintained a relationship with her, surely Ichigo would-

"My answer is no."

Kish's smile vanished.


He gawped at her, genuinely surprised. He was taken aback; it took him a moment to recover himself.

"Why?" He asked, feeling slightly downcast. He noted how depressed he sounded and quickly added, "We could have been so good together, Iruka-chan."

Lettuce coughed and began to look somewhat nervous again.

"B-because I know you don't love me, Kish." She mumbled with a blush, "Y-you love Ichigo."

Kish frowned. That was true. Perhaps this Mew was more perceptive than he had given her credit for. It was frustrating anyway… not to mention embarrassing. Fancy getting rejected by the most submissive Mew of the bunch! He was mortified. He was glad Taruto wasn't here to see this, he would be so smug and 'I-told-you-so'.

However, he mused to himself, he shouldn't be worrying about his wounded ego. He had a plan to put into action, and if Lettuce would not play ball, his scheme was doomed to fail. He would have to change tact if he was to get anywhere now.

Looking at the girl, who gave the impression that she honestly felt she was about to be eaten alive, Kish forced his frown away and took on a more comforting smile.

"Ah, Iruka-chan," He murmured, "You might well be right about that one. My adoration for you is strong, but it is fair to say my love for Ichigo is much greater."

Lettuce looked notably relieved. Kish felt like snorting with laughter. What a funny human she was!

"But," He said suddenly, making the mew snap to attention again, "That doesn't mean that we cannot get to know each other a little better, eh? We could forget about Ichigo… and give in to our desires…"

His voice was seductive, designed to lure in any hot-blooded female he came across. Unfortunately, it seemed the vegetable Mew (he could not get over how apt her name was!) had blood that consistently ran cold. Lettuce shrunk back as soon as he began his advances, and Kish became convinced that even a long spell in the desert would do little to warm up her blood. He chuckled.

"I thought not," He said dryly, grinning wildly. "It was worth a try though."

He frowned. What was he supposed to do now? Phase two was failing before it had even taken off… and he wasn't ready to give up just yet. But, what could he do? How could he get this Mew to cooperate?

Then, it dawned on him. Good gosh, he would have to be…


"But, Iruka-chan," He said plainly, "perhaps you could help me."

Lettuce looked somewhat taken aback and, to Kish's distinct amusement, she instantly took to studying his face. He had no doubt the green-haired girl was searching it for some perversion or masked playfulness, but he knew she would find none. His statements had been honest and sincere, without ulterior motive, so there he had nothing to hide.

After it finally dawned on her that his eyes did not hold any hidden mischief, she eventually uttered, with notable strength;

"Perhaps I can."

Kish smiled at her.

Actually… actually… he took back his statements about her being difficult and silly. The look on her face melted his anger away. It was quite a miracle. The Mew's eyes were so quietly intent and non-judgemental, he felt instantly at ease. The look on her face was cute… and ridiculously endearing. And there was something else… what was it? It wasn't ditziness or feistiness. It was intelligence. And empathy. It seemed this mew was the most deceiving of the entire bunch. He could see now that she had a multitude of things going on under the surface, that beneath the shy façade was a thoughtful being. It made him feel quite the idiot for thinking badly of her, for thinking she was bland. She might not provide his brand of excitement, but she was obviously a nice girl. After all, how many enemies offered to help their foes with a look of genuine sympathy in their eyes?

Kish faltered for a moment and he was instantly annoyed with himself. Gosh, he was supposed to be thinking of his objective, not of other girl's feelings!

"I wanted to ask you to be my significant other for a while, Fishy." He forced the words out, knowing that if he did not do so immediately he never would, "It would be a no-strings-attached relationship… just until Ichigo recognised how good I am. She doesn't think I'm genuine, Sakana-san… I thought if I maintained a relationship with you she might…"

The words had begun to tumble out of his mouth of their own accord and he hastily stopped himself. What the heck? What had this Mew done to him? First, she'd broken his resolve and now she had totally removed his inhibitions. Did she have some kind of extra superpower, or something?

What was worse, he couldn't help but like her more when he found no pity for him in her eyes.

He forced himself to remain silent, casting an expectant glance at the mew. Lettuce hesitated for a few moments more before she eventually replied;

"I don't think that would work, Kish. You pretending to be m-my… significant other, that is." She said carefully. "Ichigo-san would be more likely to… dislike you for trying to date me…"

Kish's smile drooped.

Actually, Lettuce had a point there. Ichigo, being the fiery girl she was, would probably believe he had some hidden reason for dating the green-haired Mew. It was true his motives weren't entirely pure, but that was beside the point. A little bit of deceit was needed to make his plan work, so he had no qualms about misleading her. After all, she wouldn't care what he'd done to have her when she realised his feelings, she'd only be honoured he'd cared this much about her.

"No, Sakana-chan." He replied with a small smile, "We'd date as long as we had to, long enough to make her realise I'm not all that bad."

After Kish uttered the sentence he immediately regretted it. Perhaps it was best not to focus on the morals of this situation, seeing as this probably wasn't the most honest way of going about things.

"Anyway, I can make it worth your while." He mumbled quickly, "I could… urm…"

He pondered for a moment, wondering what exactly the Mew could desire, before a curious idea struck his mind.

"I could get you a date with Pai?" He finished, tentatively giving out the suggestion. Strangely, the bizarre proposal had formed in his mind after he considered how similar the pair were. Lettuce was bland and intelligent, so she and Pai would probably get on like wildfire. It was a long shot – or rather a medium shot, considering how well matched they were – but still worth an attempt.

To Kish's surprise, Lettuce curiously turned a shade of bright pink. He grinned.

Maybe he really had struck gold and uncovered a secret weakness. His instincts had been correct, the Mew couldn't resist talking to an aloof, mysterious guy with a secret emotional core. Pai probably wouldn't mind her either, as long as she appreciated extreme logic and statistics.

It would be hard getting Pai to agree to this, though. He was quite possibly the dullest bachelor Kish had ever met. He couldn't even be tempted into speaking about the opposite gender, it was as if their various assets didn't even exist. Oh, and then there was his ridiculous 'No relationships of any kind with the enemy' policy. How utterly boring, coming to earth and simply doing your job! He'd never understand that.

Ah well, he'd do it somehow. He'd… blackmail him. Suggest messing up his codes or something…

"No, Kish." Lettuce finally answered.

Kish gawped, "What?"

"I won't… do whatever this is under any conditions." Lettuce blushed again. Why was she blushing, for Earth's sake?

Kish sighed. He really had gotten his hopes up too soon. "Why?"

"I won't do that to Ichigo. It's unfair." Lettuce said softly, "Besides, if you really are suited to her, I-I believe that you'll win her over anyway. I really believe that"

Kish couldn't help but feel touched by this strange statement. It was almost as if she was stating that she was in favour of his plight, that she really empathised with him. Judging by her face, perhaps she did. Her blushing indicated that there might be a special someone she pursued as he did, but whom he couldn't know.

However, by the dazed look in her eyes, Kish couldn't help but figure that she really just a secret romantic.

Still, nice of her, although it was obvious now that she'd never play his game.

Jealousy Game Phase #2: Failed

"Ok, Lettuce. I understand." I was twisting the truth slightly, but she didn't need to know that, "I'll simply have to win over Ichigo another way."

He turned to leave, feeling both buoyant and wounded. He'd been both rejected and encouraged, how was he supposed to feel?


Kish blinked, spinning to face her. Lettuce was smiling calmly.

"Good luck."

Aww, well that was less funny and more... I don't know, an emotive piece with tinges of humour? Ah well, hope you enjoyed it anyway XD Please drop a review to tell me how much you enjoyed it (even if you thought it was awful) because that way I can improve XD

Hopefully next chapter will be funnier. I'll try and update this before 2011, k? XD

Thanks for reading!