Alucard Buys an Xbox.

Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

Alucard walked the, all but deserted, streets of another town that had been besieged by undead. He had already dealt with the vampire 'faker' and had moved on to finishing off the ghouls. Although the night was almost pitch black, he was having no problems exterminating the vermin. The vampire yawned as he reached his arm behind his back and blew the head off of another ghoul. Then he turned a corner to see something that seemed very out of place.

There was a store that still had its lights on; and what was even more shocking was the fact that Alucard could sense a human presence inside the store. The No-Life King scratched his head. Nearly all of the town's population had been evacuated, and those who hadn't gotten out had all been turned to ghouls... or so he'd believed. Yet, he still sensed a human presence within the store. The vampire's innate curiosity got the better of him, and he walked over to the store.

Alucard reached the store and was surprised to find it unlocked. He walked in only to have the human pop out from behind the counter and shove a sawed off shotgun in his face, and the ancient vampire's expression quickly changed from surprise to annoyance as he stared at the weak thing that was THOUGHT is was threatening him. "Well, if you're going to pull the trigger, best get on with it. You're beginning to boar me."

The human eyed Alucard for a moment then lowered his weapon. "Sorry, I heard you enter and thought you were another zombie."

"Another zombie?" Alucard asked, mildly curious.

The man pointed to a door behind him. "Yeah, I've already blasted eleven of them. Was hoping you'd even it out to a nice dozen."

Alucard used his third eye to peak inside of the locked room. He saw a stack of headless ghouls lying on the floor within. Their bodies hadn't turned to dust, and the ghouls were still technically alive, but they couldn't do much without their heads. So they just laid there, twitching. And, the No-Life King felt a small amount of respect for the man. He was still weak, to be sure. But, he'd beaten eleven ghouls; and, for a normal (non-Hellsing) human, that wasn't half bad.

Alucard became slightly curious about the man. At least he was proving more entertaining than the street sweeping the vampire had been doing a few moments before. "What are you still doing here? This town was evacuated."

"Yeah, I know. But there was no way I was going to just up and abandon my store to a bunch of zombies. I worked too hard to save up the money to open it."

"But weren't you worried that the 'zombies' would eat you or turn you into one of them?"

"Mac, I grew up in Raccoon City. It'll take a lot more than a bunch of zombies to scare me away."

Alucard scratched his head again, trying to figure out how growing up in a city named after a small woodland creature would desensitize someone to an undead infestation. Finally, he just shrugged and chalked it up to one more thing he didn't understand about humans.

The man asked, "But just what are you doing walking the streets?"

Alucard grinned, "Why, I'm the vampire charged with exterminating the 'zombies', of course."

The man chuckled. "Yeah, vampire. R-i-g-h-t. Fine, don't tell me what you're up to. But I did notice that you're carrying an awfully big gun. You like to shoot things?"

"Actually I prefer to rip them apart and feast on their blood. But shooting's okay too."

The man laughed. "Man, aren't you a bloodthirsty one? Tell you what, I've got just the game for you."


"Yes, that's what I sell here. Didn't you read the sign." The man pointed to the far wall were a bright red "Gamestop" sign hung. "I figure that, while I'm here, I mine as well try to do some business. You're the first customer I've had all night. Tell me, do you have an Xbox?"

"A what?"

"I'll take that as a no. Stay here. I'll be right back."

The man walked out from behind the counter and went into the back room. Alucard heard him discharge a round, from his shotgun, into the decapitated ghoul that grabbed one of his legs. A couple of minutes later, the man came out carrying a moderately sized, cube shaped, cardboard box and a small DVD sized box. He walked back behind the counter and set both down. "Here we go. One Xbox 360 and one copy of Halo 3."

"Halo 3?"

"Oh, trust me. You'll love it. It's all about this incredible warrior who runs around killing aliens and Flood."

"He kills water?"

"What?" The man chuckled again. "No. No. Flood. They're kind of like zombies. Anyway he runs around killing them, trying to get back this lady who keeps bossing him around from inside his head. Once in awhile, there's even some normal humans around to help him out."

Alucard eyed the man, suspiciously. "This sounds like a very bizarre movie."

"It's not a movie. It's a video game."

"A what?"

It was the man's turn to eye Alucard suspiciously. "Oh, come on. You must have heard of video games before. Where have you been for the last twenty years?"

"Locked in a dungeon cell, actually."

"Oh, fine. I'll play along. A video game is interactive entertainment. You are the incredible warrior running around, blowing things' heads off."

It was then that Alucard became somewhat interested in this... this 'video game'. Anything that let him blow things' heads off was, at least mildly, interesting. "You don't say. So I take this stuff home with me, and I can blow the heads off of these aliens and 'Flood' whenever I want?"

"That's right. You can go on a rampage anytime you want. And if you like the single player, just wait until you try the multi-player. Hundred's of thousands of real life people from all around the world, just waiting for you. You all go online and try to kill each other as many times as possible. The guy who racks up the most kills in each match wins. They even rank your progress so you can see how good you are compared to the other players."

"Really? What will you humans think of next?"

The man ignored the question and continued in his sales pitch. "And you don't just blow their heads off either. You can beat them down. Lunge at them with energy swords. Blow them up with grenades, rockets and explosives. Even splat them with vehicles."

Alucard's mouth was starting to salivate as he imagined himself doing each of the things that the human was describing. This 'Halo 3' sounded like an excellent way to kill time between missions. "How much?"

"Well, because you'll be needing the system too. It'll be a little expensive. Five hundred for the set."

Alucard's face dropped. Hellsing didn't actually pay him, so the only money he had was what he could lift from his victims. And the last 'faker' only had about three hundred and fifty dollars. "My, my. That's a lot of money."

The man could sense his chance, at making a sale, slipping away. "Tell you what. We can go preowned and knock the price down to around three hundred. The stuff will've already been used by other people, but it's guarantied to work. And if you go preowned and don't like the game, for any reason, you can return it within ten days and pick a different one."

"Hmmm?" Alucard stroked his chin for a moment. He wasn't too crazy about the idea of taking something that someone else had already broken in. As a vampire master, Alucard had a thing for 'virgin' possessions.

"Come on. Hundreds of thousands of victims, just waiting for you to kill them. Are you really going to walk away from that?"

That did it. Alucard reached into his pocket, pulled out the cash from the last 'faker' and handed it to the man. "I'll take it."

(I know I said, I'd do whatever got the most votes as my next Hellsing fic. But I was talking about my next good sized fic. I've got a second chapter planed out and maybe, could even, do a third. But that'd be it for this story. I'm not writing this as a big multi-chapter, tens of thousands of words, fic. I was just bored and decided to kill some time, the same way I did with Crossovers Can Drive You Crazy.

Well, what did you think? Should I do another chapter, leave this a One-Shot, or just delete it because it's too far fetched? Please review and let me know. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)