Title: It's Okay To Be Sad
Summary: Something's upsetting Sam, and Dean intends to find out what.
Disclaimer: Still don't own them, still wish I did.
Author's note: I watched a very sad scene from "Full House", and I thought it would fit the Winchester boys, so this is what came out of it. So, don't worry if it feels like déjà vu, Jesse and Michelle are just replaced by Dean and Sammy! Anyway, hope I did good with it.
It's okay to be sad
When Dean went to pick Sam up from school, he knew something was wrong. Granted, the teary eyes and the quivering lower lip were a huge give away.
"What's up, champ?" Dean asked as he took his little brother's hand to cross the street.
"Nothin'" Sam sniffed, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. Dean frowned. Right. Nothing.
"Did some idiot tick you off? Just tell me who and…"
"No, it's nothing. No one ticked me off." Sam said quickly, not wanting Dean to jump at an innocent's throat.
"Then what is it?"
Sam's big eyes were shining with unshed tears. He looked at Dean, lost in thoughts. Making up a story Dean thought.
"I lost my favorite pen." The little boy said, and Dean did his best not to roll his eyes. Sammy, I know you're only six, but come on. I could do better at you age. Dean was about to demand the truth, but one look at his younger sibling's puppy eyes was enough to make him change his mind. He nodded and pretended he bought the story.
"I'll buy you a new one." He just said, hoping Sam would forget it, because he honestly didn't know where he would find the money.
Sam faked a smile and nodded. "Thank you." He whispered. Dean put on a smile of his own and changed the subject. The two brothers walked back to the motel, talking about movies, superheroes, the girl Dean was trying to seduce… They were chatting and laughing, but deep down, Sam promised himself he would keep his feelings inside. And Dean promised himself that he would do anything to know what was upsetting Sam.
"You got it Dean?" John asked.
"Yeah I know, lock the doors, salt the windows and all the phone jazz… I got it Dad."
"You know it only takes one mistake right?" John hadn't meant to make allusion to the accident with the shtriga, but Dean had taken it that way. John looked away from his son's sad eyes for a second, cleared his throat, then went on. "Anyway, I'll be gone until tomorrow morning, maybe afternoon. You think you can handle it?"
Dean rolled his eyes dramatically. "Come on Dad, who do you think I am?"
John chuckled. "And don't stay up too late tonight." He said as he got out.
"Yeah, yeah." Dean muttered as he locked the door behind his dad. Finally alone with his brother, he turned to look at Sam. The six years old was lying on his stomach, chin in his hands as he watched the newest Scooby-Doo episode. He didn't even hear his brother sneak up on him, or grab the remote control. But he did see the television screen turn black.
"Dean!" the little boy shouted as he jumped to his feet and turned to scold his brother. "I was watching that!"
"Yeah, well I need to talk." Dean said, deadly serious. Sam's frown disappeared instantly as he sat back down and looked at his brother.
"I did something bad?" he asked, his voice breaking a little.
"What? No!" Dean said quickly. Damn, why is that the first thing he thinks about? He sat down to face his brother and crossed his legs. "No, Sam. It's just…"
Sam dropped his eyes, looking at a small dark spot on the linoleum. "You want to know why I was crying." He finished for Dean, his voice barely a whisper.
"So… you admit that you were crying?" Dean asked tentatively. "I know you wouldn't cry over a stupid pen… Well, maybe you would, but you didn't." he added. Sam just kept looking at the spot, trying to come up with something. But he knew Dean wouldn't buy it, so he just said nothing. Dean sighed. "Come on, dude. How am I supposed to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong?"
Sam could feel his eyes burn, but bit down his tongue to keep his tears away. He took a deep breath, knowing the only way to get out of this was to do what Dean asked. "Miss Peyton wanted us to talk about our parents today." He said. Dean shook his head slightly, understanding immediately what was upsetting Sam. "I talked about Dad," the younger boy went on, "But when she asked about Mom… All I could say was that she was in Heaven."
"Oh Sam…" Dean started, hating the way his voice sounded. "I'm sorry about that. Teachers, you know, they always have to ask about our parents. They asked me too once. Good thing is, they'll never ask again." He added as cheerfully as he could. But one thing was still bothering him though. "Sammy, why did you keep that from me? You know you can tell me everything."
Sam looked up sharply, appalled by the hurt look in Dean's eyes. "Yeah, I know that. I'm sorry, I didn't wanna hurt you." He said softly. "It's just that… Dad always says that we have to be brave and…"
Sam hesitated to tell Dean the big secret, but he figured he owed him that much. "He says not to talk about it in front of you, because it would make you sad." He finished, looking back down at the ground.
Dean gaped at his brother for a second, not quite understanding what his brother had said. And most important, he couldn't decide whether he wanted to hug his father of strangle him. "Sam… Dad told you that because he thought it was better for both of us, but he was wrong." Sam looked up at him, surprise written all over his little face.
"Yeah." Dean nodded. "You see, I prefer when you share your feelings with me because… you trust me, right?"
"Yes, I trust you!" Sam said without hesitating. Dean smiled, fighting the urge to hug his brother.
"Then you can tell me everything, and I mean everything." Sam nodded at that, considering.
"I don't remember Mom." He admitted. "And sometimes it scares me. It feels like I never had a Mom at all. But I do know that she loved us and… I love her even though I can't remember her. And I miss her, and I'm sad when people ask about her." He said, trying to look as brave as he could for his brother.
Dean smiled sadly. "Yeah, she loved us a lot. I don't remember much of her, but I remember her perfume, or the songs she sang, or the way it felt to be in her arms…" he said, his heart aching as his mother's absence came crashing against him. "The truth is," he swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady, "I miss her too, kiddo. But it's okay to miss her, and it's okay to be sad. It just means that we love her so much and we think about her."
Sam nodded, looking away for a second, processing what his brother had said. "Dean?" he called.
Sam looked back at Dean, his big eyes full of tears. "Is it okay to cry too?" he asked, his lower lips quivering.
Dean felt his own eyes water, and he nodded sadly. "Yeah, buddy. It's okay to cry."
Sam got up on his knees and threw his arms around his brother, burying his face in the crook of his brother's neck. He didn't have to wait long until he felt Dean's arms wrap around him, holding him as he sobbed uncontrollably.
Dean hugged Sam tightly, rocking soothingly back and forth as quiet sobs shook his entire body. Outside it started raining, and he smiled through his tears, certain that this was his mother's way to tell them she missed them too.
If anything, I cried while writing it.
I hope you guys liked it!