Ok, so for my class we had to write an essay, about a picture, whatever it inspired you. I picked a beach, because it was just beautiful, and it reminded me of pain in a way. That's when I thought of this. I had originally planned on using my other story about a girl who is going to think about her sister with cancer and all that, but then I was inspired by a fanfic story and used this one. The names in my essay are different, but for here on fanfic, I'm going to use the real names of the characters. It's just that if I turned it in to the class my teacher will be like "wtf? Twilight?" so yea...ok enjoy.
Tell me if it's good, and if I should send it into the class, or if I should use my other essay. PLEASE! My grade depends on it! lol.
A/N: 8/31/08 UPDATE: Well, I did turn it in, and I all this girls in my class, and this one kid wanted to cry, and they all loved it, and I, "captured the attention and hearts of many" so it was good. Um, I started writing it over, so it will no longer be a one shot...but there won't be many chapters because my chapters are like, 20 something pages long, so it will be like four chapters in one, does that make sense? Anyway, right now it's more of a side project. enjoy. :)
The air was salty, but what do you expect from the beach? The wind was just right as it hit the beautiful white tail of Alex's wedding dress. Her golden skin was in perfect contrast with the clean white of her dress. Her skin was absolutely beautiful compared to my milky pale one. Her blonde hair was in perfect curls, framing the face of my best friend's new wife. I sat still in my seat, trying to not cry. It was the most difficult thing I've had to do. I wanted to scream, to move, but I couldn't. It was simply impossible.
The thing was though that I didn't want to move. If I did it would only ruin his wedding. I didn't want to do that. I would never ruin his wedding. It was something I'd have to sit through. I pursed my lips as Alex repeated her part of the vows. Edward's eyes sparkled at the promises she was currently making. His eyes were full of love, love that I wanted to belong to me, not her. It was no lie that I was envious.
In fact I was angry, and depressed. All this time I had always loved Edward. I know, it was typical to fall for my best friend, but I couldn't help it. I had always dreamed of him looking at me that way. Of him looking at me like if I was the most important person in the world. I had always wanted him to say 'I love you' without thinking of me as his friend. It was impossible though. A dream that was too absurd for my own good.
My heart had always belonged to him, I had always loved him, and always will, but as he repeated the vows himself to Alex, I couldn't help but bite my lip. It was as if hope was being crushed slowly in me. There was no way for me to tell him now. It was sealed with a kiss; a kiss from him to her, which I now had to sit through and watch. I had to watch as his fingers tangled in her hair, making my own fingers twitch as I dug my nails into my skin.
I literally felt like if my heart was dropping to the floor. I felt as if life was over itself. I had to bite furiously on my lip, holding back the tears which only hurt my throat more. I blinked a couple times, hoping that the tears would stay in place, but my vision only became less clear. I sighed, as they finally pulled apart, and people started standing to cheer. He was walking with her down the clear sand, and my heart was thudding, the adrenaline washing over me like a wave crashing to the shore, which is exactly what was happening in the background.
I for once, wished I could sleep. All the memories of his smiles as he looked at me, the laughs we shared, Friday movie nights, and the partner costumes for Halloween, the serious moments when he helped me out, it all washed through my eyes. I had to watch him as he walked holding her hand down to the end. I couldn't hold it then as he whispered "I love you" in her ear. I let the one tear slip down my cheek, trying quickly to catch it. Edward didn't miss it though; he looked at me for a brief second, the hurt clear in his eyes. I tried to smile as best as I could, as my lips quivered. I felt the tears spill a little bit more, and I clapped slowly, trying to act as if they were tears of joy. Edward knew better than that. He smiled back slightly, and turned to look at his new wife.
I felt the pain go over me, but I was used to it by now. Ever since he and Alex started dating, the pain in my heart was inevitable, and I got accustomed to it. I learned to hide it. When he would miss our movie nights, to go out on real dates with her, I cried and cried at home, letting the anguish drown me. Those were the only times that I let myself show pain. I should have known that those movies where the best friends always end up together were just a big ball of bacon.
I sighed as everyone exited to follow after the new groom and bride. I stayed put, watching them as they walked away. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay here for long, and watch as they built their own lives, and had children….happily. It was just too much for my poor heart. I needed to start over, try to get over everything. I needed to move on.
I took a deep breath as I removed the 3 inch heels that Alice forced me to wear. She knew that I would eventually fall, especially in the sand, but she forced me in them anyway. I took a deep breath as I let my feet dig into the soft white sand under me; the grains playing between my toes. I walked towards the shore, setting myself down right where my feet could reach the water.
I remember the day that Edward told me he was going to ask Alex to marry him. I had been packing my bags to go visit my mom, when he appeared at my apartment. At first I had been so happy to see him, just the feeling as my heart sped up, and my cheeks grew hot, it was all an amazing sensation. I had hugged him fiercely, thinking he was there to say goodbye to me, but I was wrong.
"I love her." He whispered in my ear, as I held him. My arms had immediately dropped to my side, as I took a step back. My heart had completely stopped, and there was no sound in the room besides my ragged breathing.
"What?" I whispered back. I didn't know what to believe, but I had hoped it was some joke, or that I had misunderstood.
"I love her, I want to marry her." He said. His hair was disheveled, and he had that crazy look in his eye, the one he usually had when he's been over thinking. I didn't know what to think, my arms had turned to jelly, and my eyes were watering. I was desperate. I was praying, and secretly screaming at myself inside. They had lasted for quite a while, but I had been hoping all along that it was just another phase. Again, I was proven wrong.
"You can't!" I had screamed immediately. My tears were spilling already, my heart speeding up, and my knees buckling. I felt so broken, and vulnerable. Edward stepped back, looking at me cautiously. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
"Why?" He asked. I didn't know what to say to him at the time, and I didn't know what to do. I was feeling the rejection, and loosing the hope quickly, so desperately, I confessed. I had told him every little thought I ever had. I had expressed myself, and cried. I had eventually fallen to the floor; I was too weak to even stand. All the while he just stood there, looking at me. I couldn't even read the expression, or even see his face through the tears. He didn't speak, or touch me, or even try to help me. All he did, after I poured my heart out to him, was say, "I'm sorry." Then he walked out the door.
Things were never the same after that. They were too different, and Alex practically took my place in both his heart and in his parent's heart. It's almost like if I was holding that place for her. They took her in like a daughter, just like they used to do to me. I had cried myself to sleep that night and pretty much every night. My usually crowded mind was empty just like my heart. All I could think about was the loss and pain.
I sighed as I shook my head, it was silly, like if I was trying to shake away the bad memories. The sad part was that the hole in my chest would never be closed. It never could be closed. The pain that I felt would always be there, and now as he celebrated his wedding day, I left to California, to start over.
I passed my fingertips over the bit of salt water that had escaped my eye. I knew it was wrong, and selfish to be leaving his wedding, after all I was his best friend. But that title didn't feel like it belonged to me anymore, I had been replaced. I guess that's why I decided to not stick around; maybe it was because I thought it was some form of revenge, for Edward leaving me at my most needed time. For letting me fall without catching me. At the same time I knew that he had someone new to catch, and it wasn't fair to me, because it came around without a warning.
I sighed as I lifted myself off the sand and walked out to the beach house. All our family and friends were there, congratulating the newly weds. I blinked and looked down at my feet as I tried to walk past the crowd. I wanted to go unnoticed, and I wanted to be forgotten, like an old tree in the middle of the park, left behind and used when needed.
As I made my way through the crowd, I felt the familiar warm hand as it wrapped around my wrist. I pursed my lips, as I turned around to face him. His eyes were pleading, and his hand was wrapped securely around mine. Guilt hit me like a slap when I realized what I was about to do to him. I was leaving without saying goodbye. I knew I needed to say something, anything. I needed to say I was happy for him, but I wasn't, and that was selfish. I swallowed, and whispered the only thing I could say at the moment,
What ya think?