Disclaimer: Only one I'm doing

Disclaimer: Only one I'm doing. If you think I own this then you have not read Harry Potter. Other than the story plot all things that are known in the Harry Potter books or as specified on the HP Lexicon are not mine. Thank you. Geez if I really owned this do you think I would be wasting my time writing this.

Chapter 1

Harry groaned as he bolted to the bathroom for the fourth time that week. Oh my god is that rice! When did he last eat rice? He rinsed his mouth out and sighed. The Dursley's were feeding him better since it was his last summer with them. Call it a going away present but ever since he had been getting sick he has wondered at the possibility that they might be poisoning him. Oh wait scratch that Dudley had eaten the rest of his food last two nights.

"Freak open the damn door!"

Harry opened it and gasped as the door slammed him into the wall as Dudley rushed inside.

"I have to piss like a racehorse and all you could do was listen to me whine," he grumbled.

"S'rry," Harry said.

"Yeah right. Sorry 'bout the door though no pain right?"

Harry couldn't stop the grin from breaking free. Dudley had turned into such a softy once they got to know each other. Well soft for Dudley that is.

"Yeah no pain. Umm I need to go write a letter see you later," Harry said and moved towards his room.

His room looked even more like a dungeon now that he had gotten it painted gray trimmed in red. He moved towards his bed and pulled out some parchment and a muggle pen. He blinked in surprise as the pen's ink changed color as he wrote. What the hell was wrong with him?



He heard chuckling behind him and blushed as tanned arms encircled his torso. A kiss was pressed to his neck and he shivered and smiled.

"What did he do?" Josiah asked.

Ron ignored him as his soon-to-be-dead-stepson walked into the room.

"Yes Mother," Blaise whispered humbly.

"DON'T YOU YES MOTHER ME YOU-YOU- UGH," Ron screamed and stormed off.

Josiah looked at his son and Blaise shrugged.

"All I did was tell him he should raise his legs higher in bed and you would go deeper. I didn't think he would go ape shit crazy," Blaise mumbled.

Josiah laughed and went to follow his irate fiancé.


"How dare that heathenistic little beast tell me such things? He makes me sooo…" Ron sighed in defeat and fought a laugh.

A fluttering of wings turned his attention towards the open window and he smiled.

"Hullo Hedwig. I hope Harry's treating you well," he said as he retrieved the letter.

He opened it and blinked at what he read.

Dear Hawk,

Umm how are you and Josiah? I'm okay but I think I have a wizarding STD. I eat a lot- well more than I used to- my stomach keeps cramping causing me to vomit in the mornings and my magic just changed the pen I'm writing with pink with a sparkly feather tip. Will you write back after your research and tell me what I have? I'll go see a doctor to confirm your findings.

Your Best Mate,


Ron blinked and then laughed as he ran to his room to respond to the letter. He failed to notice a baffled Blaise and a highly amused Josiah staring after him.

"Is he planning to kill me?" Blaise asked.

Josiah laughed and started to walk away as Blaise followed.

"Father I'm serious."


Harry awoke to a flutter of wings and the sun shining into his eyes. He reached out blindly and untied the parchment from the owl by him and sat up with a groan. He looked at the letter and could only stare at the swirls in front of him. Was this some kind of joke? A hoot drew his attention and he realized he forgot his glasses on his night stand. Ahh much better so what did Ron write?

Dear Falcon,

Holy shit you're fertile.-Harry blinked in confusion- Remember your one shot with Jag-oh yeah he remembered- did you use contraceptives. –Harry laughed of course not he wasn't a girl- Well in the wizarding world witches and wizards are split into two groups. Most men are dominate while most females are submissive but rarely magic creates Pulchrum. Pulchrum are men who have the insides of a female and therefore they can reproduce. Since you did not grow up in the wizarding world you were not tested at age 5. I was and so out of my brothers I was chosen by Josiah for this ability. Only pureblood dominates carry this gene so since your father was pureblood he passed it to you. Rarely a submissive can carry the gene but this only happens if magic recognizes they are the last of their line. I already made an appointment for you for Wednesday at 13:00 with Tyler Zabini my cousin-in-law. I will pick you up on Tuesday and you will stay until Sunday and I or Josiah will return you to you home.

Sincerely Your Best Mate,


P.S. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Harry blinked and sighed. Trust him not to be normal.

"BOYS TIME FOR DINNER!" Uncle Vernon yelled.

Harry walked slowly downstairs and took his seat at the table. After grace was said, they ate their meal in silence. Soon it was dessert time and everyone asked about each others day. Soon it was Harry's turn.

"Well I learned that men can become pregnant if they are wizards," Harry whispered.

Silence reigned for a short time and soon Harry heard Uncle Vernon intake air.