Loose Cannon

Author's Notes: As anyone who has played Mass Effect will know, Garrus is a cop who cares little for bureaucracy and red tape. He cares more about dealing swift justice than arbitrary rules that hinder the authorities more than it does help them. He is, what, in old crime dramas would be called, a "loose cannon." This story is just a cute one-shot about Garrus. (Some basic knowledge of crime movies is recommended.) You might notice that Ashley is way cooler and nicer than she is in the game. That is intentional.

This is my first fan-fiction EVER. I've been writing my own series of novels (you can check out an excerpt from one of them on my account on deviantArt). I just felt like kicking back and writing for my favorite game ever. So my writing might be rusty-please be as honest as you can be about it. Extra points if you can identify the references.

DISCLAIMER-Bioware owns Mass Effect and all characters.


Another day, another mission, another descent into a disarray of guns and explosions. He hadn't expected Cerberus to go down without a fight, but he was surprised at the defenses all the same. The head officials had barricaded themselves in the facility and had reacted to the latest breach with aggressive hostility. So here they were, pinned between suppressing fire and the wall, with no safe opening for movement. Wrex took point at one of the nearby crates-his armor deflected the barrage of bullets at him, eliciting only the occasional grunt or curse.

As Wrex blasted henchmen away with an Armageddon X, Garrus sprinted on his toes (talons) to the crate opposite Wrex's position. The commando was right across the room from Garrus' crate; Garrus activated his optical eye-piece and peered over the top-nobody had noticed his movement. They were all focused Shepard and Wrex, who were still pinned on his right. He had to act quick if he was going to relieve his team. Silently and quickly, he powered up his sniper rifle; he then took a deep breath and popped out from behind the crate, aligned himself with the commando and roared,


He pulled back on the trigger-a shot rang through the room-and the commando fell to the floor, his head painting the wall behind him a visceral red. Hyped, Garrus waited a second for the cool-down before taking out a scientist through the ear and out the other. The rest were momentarily paralyzed with fear before running for cover. Wrex, however, would have none of that; he sent consecutively sent three mercenaries flying across the room before they had a chance. Garrus picked off the remaining two heading for the stairs. The trio took deep breaths. and headed for the office where data was inevitably going to be.

Along the way, Shepard uttered, " 'Say hello to my little friend?' "

"Friggin' pervert." said Wrex, as nonchalantly as a Krogan could.

"I was excited, it just...came to me." Garrus slowed down a little and tailed the two, muttering softly about about something-A cockroach? Shepard was slightly weirded out, but knew Wrex was just mad that Garrus had 'stolen' his kills.


Shepard didn't want to let Garrus down. Not after being hit with those sad, blue puppy eyes. Shepard decided to make an exception just this once. Or whenever his crew asked him. Ah, what the hell-he was a pushover, that's just who he was.

"Put him out of his misery so we can get going." he said.


Garrus turned to Dr. Saleon, and said, rather dramatically, "Your days of butchering are over, doctor."

Dr. Saleon yelled, Please! No, Please!!" Squealing incoherently, he turned to run but was shot in the leg and fell to the floor. A pistol fell from a table onto the floor in front of the Doctor, who crawled to grab the gun. but Garrus simply walked over to him and stepped on his injured leg, evoking a prolonged scream from the pained Salarian. Holding up his sniper rifle against his shoulder, Garrus spoke over the Doctor's moaning.

"I know what you're thinking. Being that this is a Naginta XII, one of the most powerful sniper rifles in the galaxy, and would blow your head clean off, you''ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky?"

When the Doctor didn't answer and simply kept struggling, Garrus lowered his gun to the Doctor's face and said, "Well, do ya, punk?!"

Shepard turned to Tali, confusion in his eyes.

"Er, what's he doing?" Tali simply shrugged her shoulders.

"I-I guess he's just savoring the moment, Commander."

The doctor stopped struggling, and held up his hands in defeat, hoping against hope that he would be spared. No such luck.

The sniper shot blew a sizable hole through the Salarian's head. Dr. Saleon was dead; Garrus finally finished what he had started. He took one long, lingering look at the corpse and turned to Shepard.

That...was satisfying.", he said, in an almost orgasmic undertone.

"Good," he replied, "Remember that feeling; that's how it should be. Every time."

"I will, Commander."


Shepard was inspecting the weapon stocks with Ashley down in the hangar. It was a relaxing respite from the continual fighting his job required. And with Ashley spouting jokes and hearty witticisms, he felt like he could finally wind down. As he was buffing a shotgun, he could audibly sense Wrex walking towards him. Actually, he was more or less stomping. Shepard turned to face Wrex, who was standing there, arms crossed as usual. He simply glared at the Commander.

"I'm gonna ask you you something, Shepard."

Just as well; the commander thought. He knew Wrex better than to think he would ask if he could ask a question.

"I'm all ears, Wrex.", he said comfortingly.

"What the hell's wrong with the Turian?"

Shepard raised one eyebrow expertly and replied, "Garrus, you mean? I don't follow."

Wrex sighed. "We were talking 'bout the Genophage over lunch."

"Yeesh!", exclaimed Ashley under her breath.

Glancing at the human, Wrex let out a guttural scoff.

"He knew better than to screw with me 'bout that. But one thing led to another-I was telling him about that time I killed my father with my dagger in the ambush."

"Yeah, you told me about that."

Wrex grunted. "Right. So I'm telling him; and out of nowhere, he says some shit about "bringing a knife to a gun fight" or somethin' and says 'bye.' "

Someone coughed behind Shepard, who turned around to find Ashley feverishly cleaning the rifles, fumbling and dropping one of them.

"You okay there, Ash?", asked Shepard, this time not expertly raising his eyebrow, but expertly stroking his jaw-lined moustache.

Not looking up, Ashley responded, "What, yeah, no I'm...not-of course I'm, uh okay."

"You sure?", said Shepard.

" Of course, uh, why would I be?"

The commander glanced at Wrex, who just stood there. Stolidly staring at the distracted chief.

"Ya know, Williams, Garrus has been saying a lot of weird shit lately."

The commander nodded...and expertly raised one eyebrow. "Would you happen to know anything about this?"

Defeatedly, Ashley put the gun down and turned to Shepard. She rolled her eyes upwards, as if trying to recall something.

"Okay, you remember the last time we were on the Citadel-you were helping out that Elcor diplomat and the Consort."

"More like 'Constitute', if you ask me.", interjected Wrex, smiling grimly. Ashley paused to high-five Wrex, as Shepard rolled his eyes. Ashley continued hesitantly.

"And you said that me and Garrus could go off and do whatever we wanted while you were busy and that we'd meet back at the ship in an hour, right?"

"I remember."

"So Garrus and I went down into the Wards to window-shop. And we stopped in front of the Cinema-Vid Emporium. I asked Garrus if he had ever seen a movie. He said no-didn't even know what I was talking about. So I took him in there and rented out a couple of vids I thought he might enjoy. You know, for when we're on long flights."

"So all, the weird stuff he's saying...?"

"Yes!" Tali had decided to join in the conversation, walking in from behind. "Just last night, he was murmuring about the 'little, angry, hairy man' in his sleep."

"Oh, dear." murmured Ashley, covering an obviously embarrassed smile.

"You and the Turian are sleepin' together?", asked Wrex, who was grinning wickedly, as Shepard and Ashley shot startled glares at him.

"No, Wrex. In case you have forgotten, we each have our own sleeper pod-this isn't the Flotilla.", replied Tali, clearly not getting the joke.

"Well, my guess is he's trying to do what he can to be like the guys in the movies.", said Ashley

"What movies did you get him?"

"I just grabbed a handful-I remember taking out 'Serpico' and 'The Untouchables.' But there were, like, three others."

Shepard scratched his head. "'Untouchables? I vaguely remember that name."

"It's an old, old, old mobmovie. It's been digitally restored, like, a dozen times over n-"

"Hold on a minute!"

"What?", retorted Ashley.

"When I hear 'mob', I hear 'criminals', and when I hear 'criminals', I hear 'guns', and when I hear 'guns', I hear: 'Fighting.' Right?"

"How do you hear four things at the same time?" asked a bewildered Tali, whom Wrex just ignored.

Ashley just shrugged impartially. "Yeah, pretty much."

"That asshole, I'll kill 'im!"

Shepard cried out, "Wrex?!"

"What you're telling ME, is that the Turian has had something to entertain himself onboard, while I have nothing better to do than hang around the STINKING lockers, bored out of my thick Krogan skull?!"


"Without telling me! Hell, if I can't shoot anybody on this ship, then I might as well watch people do it on screen!"

"Well, it's not Garrus' fault-he can only watch them on his omni-tool.", reasoned Ashley.

Wrex sighed. "Huh, no big screen, eh?"

Shepard spoke up again.

I...guess that they couldn't fit it into the budget.", he said quietly.

"I find that hard to believe," piped up Tali. "Billions poured into an experimental frigate, and they couldn't fit in a theater?"

Shepard looked around at his crew: Wrex was visibly unhappy at being deprived simulated violence; Tali had a point that a theater was hardly the most expensive thing a ship could have. Ashley was back to cleaning her rifles-she deserved some leisure time now and again. Garrus was all the way at the other side, working diligently on the Mako radar-board from underneath. He could do better than a screen less than the size of his arm.

"I think this can be remedied, guys."

Well, he was a pushover, after all.

He strolled over to Garrus who was still unaware of their movement towards him. Shepard thought his ear implants might''ve been turned off, for whatever reason possible. He crouched down and tapped Garrus on the shoulder; startled, Garrus jumped up and hit his head against the Mako. He rubbed his head, sucking in air through his teeth. He pressed something on his ear implants and an elegant, sweeping waltz escaped from his omni-tool. He quickly turned it off.

"Oh, I'm so sorry-I, uh, didn't know if you could hear me."

"That's okay, Shepard, it's my fault. So, godf-commander what can I do for you?"

Shepard smirked as he stroke his moustache. "Well, Ashley tells me you've become quite the movie connoisseur."

Garrus' eyes widened slightly at this remark.

"Oh, dear. I'm sorry, I, uh, apologize; Ashley just..."

Shepard held up a hand to silence Garrus.

"No problem, Garrus. But I have a new project for you and Tali."

"Anything for you, Commander.", he replied cautiously.


"When's the last time you picked your feet, Willy? Who's your connection Willy? What's his name?...I've got a man in Poughkeepsie who wants to talk to you. You ever been to Poughkeepsie? Huh? Have you ever been to Poughkeepsie?"

"If C-Sec were like this, there'd be no need for bounty hunters like me.", remarked Wrex.

"What absurd clothes that man is wearing!" exclaimed Tali.

"Why are they beating that poor man? He didn't do anything wrong." whined Liara.

"He's a dope pusher, that's kind of the whole premise of the film," answered Garrus.

"What, beating up people?", said Kaiden.

"No! Well, yeah, but also busting up a drug trafficking scheme."

"I'm not even sure where this takes place, Garrus," wondered Ashley.

"It's New York City, back in the 1970's, a year or so after the actual bust happened."

"Wait-this actually happened?" Tali indicated the screen.

"Well, the red suit might not have happened."

"All I want to know is if there's going to be any more killings like at the beginning?"

"You can count on it, Krogan.", Ashley replied.

Shepard sat up in his chair to speak; everyone listened, the movie paused.

"We're going to need to decide who picks out the movies for the next time we drop by the Citadel."

Joker fidgeted in his chair up in the bridge. "Nobody's challenging that, commander. But let's watch the the rest of this!"

"Agreed." He nodded.

"Put on play," growled Wrex.

The End

So that's where I decided to end it-it was getting a tad long. I hope you liked it-please review!

I've decided to make a series of this. A story for each teammate (besides Kaiden, he sucks!) and their experience with human films. I'm thinking next I'll do Tali and her viewing of The Matrix and I, Robot, among others. The following stories will likely be shorter, as this was also an introduction. I'll admit my story wasn't very exciting. But I hope you liked it a bit.