Hi everyone, now this is something new huh? A Harry Potter fanfic! Yeah I have been distracted by Harry Potter fanfics and the idea that wouldn't go away until I had to write this. I hope you enjoy it. Please don't kill me, I haven't read the books so my knowledge is based purely on the movies and other fanfics.

Remember if you kill me or burn me at the stake none of my stories will ever be updated again!

The Golden Trio sat in the great hall listening to their final Dumbledore welcome speech as students at the school of witchcraft and wizardry known as Hogwarts. All the usual teachers were there, Hagrid gave them a wink and a smile, Snape ignored all of the students in favour of glaring at the headmaster, the chair usually taken by the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was currently empty. Harry was sure that the order was up to something on that point, having been conspicuously silent about it when he had asked.

Dumbledore was still talking when Hermione whispered to the others, "Now, we are not going to be getting as many detentions this year are we boys?"

"No 'Mione," they both answered in a quick whisper. The girl sat back with a satisfied smile.

"And I'm sure you're all wondering just who will be taking the post of Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, it is my great pleasure to welcome back Professor Lupin who has graciously agreed to take over the position," Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling madly as Harry grinned up at the rather bashful looking sandy haired man as he entered and took the empty seat.

There was a great cheer from most of the older students who remembered the werewolf and his teaching.

"Finally, bloody hell it'd have to be the last year they finally bring in a decent DADA teacher eh Harry?" Ron whispered.

"Yeah, took 'em long enough," he grinned at Remus as Dumbledore finished his speech and the food appeared.

"Guess they figure this'll be the last year they can really teach you to kill old you-know-who," Ron said stuffing his face, Hermione just shook her head at him.

"Snape looks pissed though, guess it's cuz he missed out on the DADA position again. The greasy old bat really should just give up, with Remus around he'll never get it," Harry grinned.

"Is that so Potter?" a silky voice asked.

"Um… no sir?" Harry didn't dare turn around, he hunched down.

"Well Mr Potter, I believe this is a school record, congratulations. That'll be detention tomorrow after dinner," Snape turned and stalked out of the great hall.

"Bad luck Harry," Ron said around a mouthful, "But at least you have the record mate. That's gotta count for something."

Harry groaned and slumped down in his seat.


Oh joy. Another detention with Snape. How incredibly novel. It was only the first day and Harry Potter already had a night appointment in the dungeons. How fun.

Harry knocked on the door, taking the moment to glare and stick his tongue out at the door before resigning himself to his fate.

"Come in Mr Potter," the dark voice drawled.

The teen walked casually into the potion's room.

"You're late Mr Potter," Snape informed him, leaning forward on his hands.

"I wasn't when I left the tower," Harry shrugged whimsically.

The greasy haired professor leaned back in his chair sneering, "Mr Potter, I have a deal to offer you, however if you are going to insist on being disrespectful you can just as easily listen whilst cleaning cauldrons."

The boy-who-severely-wanted-to-continue-being-disrespectful looked surprised but wary, "What sort of deal sir?"

"Better Mr Potter," Snape waved his hand and the door was locked, warded and silenced, "Now, this is of the utmost secrecy, you are not even to tell Weasley or Granger. I have recently discovered a previously unknown potion in an old journal and have received permission from the headmaster to attempt brewing it. However, I find myself in the frustrating position of needing your assistance."

"Uh, sir if I may remind you, I'm not exactly adept at potions, hence the whole detention thing," Harry said raising an eyebrow.

"Potter I am well aware of your utter stupidity, however this potion is supposed to aid in translating both written and spoken parseltongue."

"Um…great?" Harry raised an eyebrow, not quite sure where the man was going.

"Oh for goodness sake Potter!" Snape snarled, "Don't you know anything? Translation magic can only be performed by someone who understands both languages. It is the same with a potion, it must be brewed by someone who understands both languages because it involves incantations in both."

"I guess that makes sense," Harry blinked, "So you just need me to read some incantations sir?"

"No Potter, unfortunately the potion is very temperamental and needs almost continuous incantations, therefore I shall need you nearby for the entire process," Snape sighed.

"Oh, you said something about a deal sir?"

"Indeed I did Potter, if you assist me in making this potion in secret all your detentions until Christmas will be served with me and consist of free time to study, work on assignments or anything else you see fit, they will be held here however so it must be within reason. Also any house points I deduct from you personally shall be replaced later by either myself or another teacher, does that sound reasonable to you Mr Potter?" Snape crossed his arms over his chest.

"When do we start?" Harry grinned.

"Tomorrow night during the detention for your earlier impertinence," the greasy haired man smirked at him.

"Just lucky I came prepared then," Harry smiled innocently, "Otherwise you'd have no reason to give me another detention."

"Oh I had faith you'd give me cause," Snape drawled.


Harry Potter stormed into the Gryffindor common room muttering explosively.

Hermione Granger looked up from her book and sighed, "How'd the detention go Harry?"

He chose to throw a few more choice insults into the air before replying, "Bloody greasy git gave me another detention tomorrow night! As if I don't have more important things to do than clean his cauldrons."

"Bad luck mate," Ron looked sympathetic, "Nobody should have to spend their nights with the greasy old bat."

"Yeah I reckon."

Hermione pursed her lips disapprovingly, "You shouldn't speak about a Professor like that, it's disrespectful."

"Yeah apparently so is being late," Harry and Ron both rolled their eyes, "Well I'm stuffed, night."

"Night Harry."

So whaddaya reckon? Let me know eh?