Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. I just got this idea from watching "Adrift." Sorry that all my stories took so long to get up! I've been having problems with my login account. AGGGGGGGH! Well I'm back now with a ton of stories that have been not so patiently waiting for you to read. Thank you to everyone who voted for me for the Blackbird awards (or any other awards!)
Hopelessly Devoted To Kitty
Lance dialed the phone, "Hello? Is Kitty there? It's…a friend from school. Okay I'll wait. Oh Hi Kitty! It's me, Lance." He didn't notice Todd hopping and watching him from behind. "Hey! Kitty! No problem. You…wanna go to the mall with me tomorrow?"
"You want to go to the mall?" Todd shirked in horror. "With Kitty?"
"Shut up," Lance hissed out of the corner of his mouth. "So how about it? Oh okay so you'll call me…hello?"
"Going to the mall?" Todd shook his head in disbelief. "That's a chick thing yo!"
"She'll call me back," Lance hung up the phone with a sigh. "She said she'd think about it!"
"Oh hold the presses, The Queen of Kittyness is thinking about going to the mall with you! Hey you guys!" Todd yelled. "Guess what stupid thing Lancie-poo here wants to do with his precious Kitty Kat?"
"He's gonna sing to her again?" Pietro asked zipping over.
"Nope," Todd shook his head.
"He's gonna send her some more flowers?" Fred asked.
"Nope," Todd said. "He wants to take her to the mall."
"And?" Fred was puzzled.
"That's it!" Pietro said exasperated. "Lance wants to go shopping. With Kitty. At the mall."
"But isn't shopping like a girl thing?" Fred asked, still confused.
"That's what I said!" Todd spoke up.
"It is not just a girl thing!" Lance said. "Guys go to the mall too!"
"Oh yeah," Todd drawled. "After football practice all the jocks say to each other, 'Hey let's head to the mall! There's a sale on sweaters.'"
"Oh that reminds me," Pietro mocked. "There's some shoes that I'm just dying to try on!"
"Oh and I hear they have the cutest new bath and body boutique," Fred camped it up. "I hear they have the nicest new hand cream that's supposed to be soothing for the skin. To prevent chaffing in the cold weather."
"Oooh," Pietro camped back. "Did you hear about the new concession stand? There's this cute little server there that really melts your ice cream if you get my drift!"
"Ooooh!" All three of them squealed in a mock falsetto.
"Okay cut it out!" Lance snapped. "You guys have to label everything don't you? Well it only shows what small limited minds you guys have!"
"Oooh somebody's getting catty," Pietro mocked. "Rrrawww!" He made a fake clawing motion.
"Got it from Kitty!" Fred smirked. They all laughed at Lance.
"Hey Lance, you and Kitty gonna be picking out china patterns?" Todd laughed.
"Why do I even bother talking to you guys?" Lance stomped upstairs.
"Because nobody else will listen to you," Pietro called after him.
"I wonder why?" Todd laughed.
Lance groaned and flopped on top of his bed. He heard the familiar squeak of Todd's hopping. "What do you want Toad?"
"Hey we was all wondering something," Todd cracked. "If you and Kitty do go to the mall can you pick us all up some nail polish?"
"Get out of my face!" Lance slammed the door on him, then fell back onto the bed. He buried his face into the pillow in the hopeless attempt to block out the laughter of his insane friends. There was another knock at the door. "Go away!"
"Come on Rocky it's me," Tabitha said. "Open up."
"Suit yourself," She replied. Two seconds later the door exploded.
"Hey!" Lance shouted at her.
"Well I did ask if you could open the door," She smiled.
Lance groaned and hid his face in the pillow again. "What do you want?"
"Just wanna talk," She sat on the bed.
"You gonna make fun of me too?" Lance sat up.
"No. I'm not as immature as those guys."
"Could have fooled me," Lance grumbled.
Tabitha stuck her tongue out. Then she softened. "Actually, I think it's nice you wanna do stuff Kitty likes. It's really sweet, y'know."
"You're kidding aren't you?" Lance asked.
"No. I mean it. Really," She shifted her position facing him. "If I had a guy doing all those crazy things you do for me, I'd go after him in a flash!"
"You would? So, you don't think I'm being stupid over Kitty?" He scratched his head.
"I didn't say that!" She smirked. "I just think you're wasting your time trying to impress the wrong girl. But hey, who knows? Maybe you two will get together." She got up and traced her finger on his cheek. "But if it doesn't work out, well…let's just say there are other options." She winked and waved as she walked out. "See ya!"
Lance stared at the empty space where she stood for a full minute. Todd poked his head in the door. "Well this is an interesting plot development."
"Toad!" Lance threw a pillow at him.
Todd ducked and laughed. "Boy you really have a way with the ladies Lance!"
"Forget it Toad! It's Kitty I'm interested in! Got it!" He pointed.
"Oh yeah, I got it, but does she?" Todd thumbed in Tabitha's direction. "Personally, I think she's just on the rebound from Blue Boy. Hey, have you noticed that all the girls you have a connection with end up having some kind of thing with Fuzzy?"
"Toad do me a favor and die!" Lance groaned.
"Think about it, well there's Kitty and Tabby who both have some kind of thing for him," Todd counted on his fingers. "Maybe chicks dig the tail. Go figure?"
"Toad…"Lance's voice was getting dangerous.
"Then Mystique turned out to be Blue Boy's Mommy," Todd went on. "And Rogue and Mystique have some kind of mother daughter connection somewhere. Maybe Blue Boy and her are brother or sister or something? Or maybe the Boss lady just adopted her or something. With her you never know!"
"Yup, the way I see it, Fuzzball's your main competition," Todd hopped next to the bed.
"I am not, repeat, not in competition with that blue furred freak!" Lance shouted.
"Oh yeah right," Todd rolled his eyes. "Just out of curiosity, was he in the room when Kitty hung up on you?"
"Umm…I dunno," Lance's eyes darted.
"He was, wasn't he?" Todd asked.
"Okay I thought I heard him in the background, so what?" Lance answered defensively.
"I rest my case," Todd folded his arms.
"You're gonna rest in peace if you don't get outta my room!" Lance shouted.
"Sheesh! Don't get so defensive!" Todd backed away. "I'm only tryin' to help!"
"Toad you can't even get a girl to stand next to you, let alone date!" Lance shouted. "You're the last person I should get advice from!"
"True," Pietro zipped in. "Run along now Toddy and let us men work this out."
"Oh no…" Lance hid his face in his hands. "Not you too!"
"Lance, Lance, Lance…" Pietro patted him on the back. "Oh Lance what are we going to do with you? You need help."
"I'm not the only one," Lance groaned.
"Lance, it's time you realized how much this Kitty obsession of yours is ruining your life. Fred bring in the chart!" Pietro shouted.
"A what?" Lance shouted as Fred brought a presentation board with a chart on it.
"Lance this is something we made to show you how much you need our help," Pietro said. "Go ahead, Fred."
"Thank you," Fred got out a pointer and pointed to the chart. "This is what we call your "Coolness Factor". Or CF for short. This measures your coolness, your charisma. Your style. What makes Lance, Lance. Take a look at the beginning of the chart two weeks before the soccer incident. Here you are at a whopping 97 %! Now here is your factor two days after the soccer incident. A swift drop to 50%. And quite frankly it all goes downhill from there."
"I don't believe this," Lance said. "You guys made a chart?"
"Actually several charts," Pietro told him.
"You see Lance," Fred turned to the next chart. "I don't think you realize how much of a wishy-washy mopey head you have become. Take this chart which shows your recent EF, or Embarrassment Factor. This measures how much of an embarrassment to the Brotherhood you have become! See here's me at only 5%. That means I'm not much of an embarrassment. The lower the number the better. Here's Pietro at 25%…"
"Hey!" Pietro protested. "How did I get that number?"
"Well I added in yesterday's little dance exhibition in the cafeteria!" Fred told him.
"So I like to dance," Pietro made a face. "I was happy."
"Too bad the lunch lady wasn't," Fred said.
"Hey I was just showing her my appreciation for her not serving us mystery meat!" Pietro folded his arms.
"Moving on," Fred continued. "Here's Toad at 30 %, and you way up here with a whopping 90, yes 90%!"
"Wait a minute!" Lance said angrily. "I am not more of an embarrassment than Toad! Come on! I mean really. You only gave him a 30? He is at least a fifty and you know it!"
"Well I do admit I kinda graded him on a curve," Fred scratched his head. "But he has been trying really hard lately and he's been getting money for us pickpocketing."
"Yeah and he doesn't smell as bad as he used to," Pietro said.
"Oh I don't believe this!" Lance snapped. "What's next? You guys gonna nag me on how much time I've wasted on Kitty?"
"Just getting to that," Fred switched to another chart. "Chart number three…"
"I am outta here!" Lance stormed out of his room.
"But this is a really good one!" Fred called out after him. "I even used two different colored magic markers and everything!"
"I'm leaving!" Lance called out as he grabbed his jacket. "And don't you guys try to follow me!" He grabbed his keys and opened the door. He came face to face with a wall of snow. "We had a snowstorm?"
"Gee Lance I dunno I mean there's only ten feet of snow out there," Todd drawled.
"Didn't anybody bother to shovel out the walkway or something?" Lance said exasperated.
"Obviously not," Pietro shook his head.
"So I'm stuck here," Lance came to a horrible realization. "With you guys."
"Bingo!" Todd said. "Well who's up for Sock Puppets?"
"Me!" Tabitha raised her hand.
"Oh yeah! Sock puppets! Great!" Fred and Pietro joined in.
Lance was frantically tearing at the snow with his hands. "Maybe I can dig my way out!"
"Come on," Fred grabbed him, dragging him away. "It'll be fun!"
"No it won't," Lance moaned.
"Oh come on," Fred sat him down. "You'll like this! We made up a skit especially for you!"
"You shouldn't have," Lance moaned. "Really."
Fred sat him down on the sofa. Pietro and Tabby went to set up the sock puppet playhouse they made. Lance tried to escape but Fred pulled him back on the sofa and held him there. Todd sat on the other side of Lance.
"And now!" Pietro spoke in a funny voice. "Sock Puppet Theater proudly presents its version of Lance in Love. Staring…" A sock puppet Lance popped up. "Everybody's favorite Rebel without a Clue…Lance!"
"When does the hurting stop?" Lance groaned.
"And…" Tabitha's voice came out. "His love interest, the clueless Kitty!" A Kitty sock puppet came out, complete with pink outfit and ponytail.
"Just when I thought you guys could not sink any lower into insanity…" Lance moaned.
"Hey Kitty," the Lance puppet 'spoke'.
"Oh like, hey Lance," Kitty puppet replied. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Uh, uh…Nothin," Lance Puppet said. "Hey Kitty wanna go somewhere and move mountains together?"
"I do not sound like that!" Lance protested.
"Yes you do," Lance Puppet replied.
"No I don't!" Lance snapped at the puppet.
"Yes you do!" The puppet replied.
"No I don't!" Lance got up and stared right into the puppet's 'face'.
"Yes you do!" The puppet replied in his face.
"No I don't!"
"Yes you do!"
"I do not sound that ridiculous!"
"Yes you do. Because you are ridiculous!"
"I am not!"
"Then why are you arguing with a sock?"
"I'm…I'm not arguing with a sock!"
"Could have fooled us!" Todd said.
"I'm arguing with the idiot controlling the sock!" Lance made a grab for the puppet. Pietro moved out of the way laughing.
"That's it! I am not going to sit and watch any more of this because you clowns are bored!" Lance shouted.
"Fine we'll watch videos instead," Pietro said. He zipped in a video and turned on the VCR. "Here's a good one!"
"Lance's eyes widened in horror, "Where did you get that?"
"Heh heh," Todd giggled. Lance swatted him on the shoulder. "Ow!"
On the screen was Lance holding a microphone. He was singing to a very embarrassed Kitty.
"You know I'm just a fool who's willing," Lance sang on the TV. "To sit around and wait for you. But Baby can't you see there's nothing left for me to do. I'm hopelessly devoted to you."
"Oh no," Lance covered his eyes. "Why me?"
"But now there's no way it hide, since you've pushed my heart aside. I'm outta my head hopelessly devoted to you. Hopelessly devoted to you." The TV Lance was singing on one knee.
"Hopelessly devoted to you! Hopelessly devoted to you!" All the other members of the house sang to Lance. Lance screamed and tore the tape out of the VCR.
"Don't you people have anything better to do than to make fun of my love for Kitty?" Lance snapped.
"No," Pietro said matter of factly.
"It's become our hobby," Fred told him.
"It's more fun than we had bugging Mystique," Todd said.
"It makes living here much more fun than the mansion," Tabitha said.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGH!" Lance screamed and stormed upstairs.
"But now there's no way to hide," They all sang as Lance stormed into his room and hid his face under the pillow. "Since you pushed my heart aside. I'm outta my head, hopelessly devoted to you! Hopelessly devoted to you!"
"If you guys don't cut that out I…I'm going to join the X-Geeks!" Lance shouted. "No I wouldn't. What am I saying? Okay I'll do something just as bad! I have no idea what it is, but it will be bad! Really really bad!"
"Can't be half as bad as your rock puns," Pietro cackled.
"Watch it Pietro!" Lance shouted and hid his face in the pillow. He heard a noise and looked at his doorway. They were all standing there smiling. "What?"
"We love you Lance," Fred chuckled.
"So we got ya a gift!" Pietro said right before he chucked a snowball at him. The next thing Lance knew, he was being pelted with snowballs.
"Okay!" Lance jumped up. "You are all going to die!"
"Yeah right," Pietro cracked. "Lance we've all seen the way you throw snowballs! You couldn't hit the broad side of Blob!"
"Its true, he can't," Fred said.
"Oh yeah well how about this!" Lance focused his powers and shook the house. A crack opened in the roof and dumped about a foot of snow right where Lance stood. They all laughed as Lance made a face.
"I have got to learn to think before using my powers," He grumbled.