Jaspers Plot – Alice's Trip

Bella's P.O.V

"Bellaaaaaaaaaa, Bellaaaaaaa." I struggled to return to my dream but the persistent voice was encroaching on my sleep. "Wakey, wakey eggs and bakey." I was finally woken from my sleep by the smell of horrifically burnt eggs and bacon. I opened my eyes to the sight of Alice shoving a tray of food into my face, on instinct I inhaled only to fill my lungs with the stench of burnt food. I started coughing desperately, attempting to rid my airways of the horrid smoke, naturally Edward was there in second rubbing my back gently and soothing me.

"What is that?" I eventually stammered out gesturing widely at the tray of food. Alice beamed pushing it further towards and me and bouncing on the bed.

"I made you breakfast, I saw that you'd be hungry when you woke up and I saw you making yourself eggs and bacon so with some tips from Charlie I cooked it. Eat up, I want to know how good of a cook I am, I've never done it before." She looked so excited and proud I couldn't not eat it; however it looked and smelt disgusting. I deliberated over it for a moment before deciding Alice's feelings were more important than my own so I should definitely eat up. I pulled the tray towards me, noticing there was a glass of orange juice, which I hope I could disguise the taste with. Just as I was about to take the first bite Edward stopped me.

"Are you sure you should be eating that Bella, the food you cook never looks as black as that?" He frowned at Alice, who was looking slightly nervous. I smiled hesitantly, part of me wished Edward wouldn't let me eat it but I didn't want to upset Alice, today would be bad enough without Alice being in a mood. So I quickly shoved the blackened food in my mouth and downed the orange juice before Edward could protest more. It tasted disgusting and not even the orange juice could erase the taste of ash from my mouth, but I smiled nonetheless and gave Alice a quick hug to say thank you.

"It was lovely Alice, I'll just go have a human moment then." Alice beamed and leaped off the bed, pulling me to my feet she pushed me towards the bathroom, babbling along the way.

"Are you still hungry? I could cook you up something else in a snap..."

"No, no Alice that's fine I'm all full from the eggs and bacon, why don't you wait here, chat with Edward while I shower?" I said as I stepped into the bathroom. She beamed at me and turned away shouting over her shoulder.

"Alright I'll pick you out something to wear." I sighed resigning myself to a very long day.

We arrived at Washington in record time, I held Edward's hand as we wandered into the mall Alice dancing excitedly in front of us. Alice whirled around suddenly bring our mini procession to a halt, and gave Edward a meaningful look. He cocked an eyebrow at her before turning to me and holding my hands in his.

"This where I leave you Bella, Alice will text me when you want picking up." He smiled sadly at me before leaning down to place his lips on mine, but I help up a finger to his face stopping his fast approaching mouth.

"What do you mean you're leaving? You never said anything about leaving." I said accusingly.

"Bella, how are we supposed to try on underwear and stuff with Edward hanging round? It'll be more fun this way!"

"This was part of the agreement; I'm sorry Bella I'd rather be with you. I need to hunt anyway; you'll be perfectly safe with Alice."

"Oh but-" I protested but Alice cut me off with her tinkling voice.

"Nope, Edward's leaving and that's final. I've been purposefully not looking into the future of this shopping trip just so we can be alone and finally give Edward a surprise. Do you how tempting it's been for me to peek forward just once? But I resisted, so now I'm sure you can manage to spend one day without Edward." I sighed and pouted at Alice's little rant, this shopping trip was turning out to be more trouble than it was worth and I wondered why I ever agreed to it. Stupid golden eyed vampire.

"Fine, I guess I don't have a choice then do I." I leaned up and pressed my lips against Edward's revelling in the feeling of his cold, hard lips against hers. He tangled one hand in my hair and pushed against my lips more desperately. When we finally pulled away I was breathless and Alice was tapping her toe impatiently.

"Be safe, I miss you." He whispered silkily in my ear and before I could even open my eyes he had gone, leaving a comfortable weight in my back pocket. Next thing I knew Alice was smiling devilishly and pulling me towards a store.

An hour later I had 3 over £500 dresses, 10 cheaper ones, countless new tops, several pairs of jeans and 8 new skirts; I was starting to believe the shopping trip was almost over. We had just stopped for lunch at a KFC outlet and despite the stressful argumentative day I wasn't feeling so bad. That was until I saw where we were standing, right outside of Victoria's Secret.

"No Alice." I said firmly, I could only imagine standing next to Alice me looking frumpy in some white lace number while she caused traffic accidents in some sexy piece of negligee.

"Come on Bella, I need new underwear, you need new underwear. We may as well make it nice stuff. Edward will have hernia when he sees this."

"But Alice, this stuff doesn't suit me; I'll just look silly compared to you." I protested while still allowing Alice to pull me into the store. I put my hand into my back pocket and held onto the tiny electronic device that Edward had secretly given me. I knew that somehow, somewhere in this store I was going to need it. I just needed to wait for the opportune moment.

Lingerie shopping is tiresome business. Alice was loading me with bras, knickers, baby dolls and some questionable fancy dress costumes. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it, Alice looked amazing in everything she tried on, as expected, but some of the stuff she gave me was quite cute and almost suited me. Just as I started to enjoy myself, relishing in the lack of customers to show off some of the baby dolls Alice had given me, Lauren, Jessica and Angela walked in. And just my luck they weren't alone, they were accompanied by not only Tyler, Eric and Ben, but to my deep horror Mike Newton. The baby doll I was wearing was one of the more conservative ones that covered my arms cut low on my enhanced cleavage and covered a small portion of thigh. Lauren spotted us first and after taking one look at me gave me the nastiest glare she could muster up. I blushed bright red as the rest of the group saw us and began to head over. Alice hadn't even acknowledged their presence, and was still bumbling about in the dressing room.

"Hey guys," Angela said cheerfully, holding tightly onto the arm of Ben. I attempted to manoeuvre my arms into some form of coverage but it wasn't really helping.

"Um hey," I stuttered, attempting to ignore the lustful glares of Mike, Eric and Tyler. At the sound of my voice Alice walked out of the dressing room. As she quickly took in Lauren's angry glare and the boys lustful stare a mischievous smile appeared on her face. She leaned one arm against the dressing room door, the boys gazes were immediately transfixed and her black and pink lacy bra and pants combination.

"Oh hello guys, fancy seeing you here. Actually its good that you arrived, I was just asking Bella but I'd much rather have a variety of opinions. What do you think of this lingerie? Does it make my boobs look too big?" As she said this she gestured her arms out revealing her perfect petite figure. I didn't think it was possible for Lauren's face to get any angrier but she managed it, Jessica stared on with unabashed envy while Angela attempted to avert her eyes seemingly embarrassed. The boys were another story. Ben was staring deeply at Angela's hair trying his very hardest not to look at the half naked vampire, Tyler and Eric were staring openly while Mike was attempting to look at the floor while taking what he thought were subtle glances in Alice's direction.

"Uhm, it's very nice Alice." Mike mumbled before turning his gaze on me. "Yours is nice to Bella." He stuttered and my face grew even redder.

"Really do you think so?" Said Alice staring maliciously at Lauren, "What's your opinion Lauren, Jessica?" She said plastering a fake smile on her face. Jessica stammered out some half arsed attempt at saying it was nice, just as Lauren was about to open her mouth Alice interrupted her. "Actually I don't think I well get it, this is really for someone who doesn't have big boobs. Never mind ay?" She said walking back into the dressing room and banging the door. I smiled sheepishly and turned to get changed.

"That Alice Cullen's weird, I can't believe she thinks she has big boobs. She hasn't got a nice figure at all she's all short and stout. She's just a slut anyway, I heard all the Cullen's have big group orgies together. That must be why Bella's always over there. I don't see why anyone outside the family would want to have sex with them, they're all retarded looking. I mean that big fat one Emmett or whatever, that skanky slutty one Rosalie, I mean hello white trash? And Jasper, I suppose he's supposed to look mysterious and angsty or something I think he just looks constipated. And have you seen their parents, talk about having kids' young I mean I know they're adopted and all but Esme must be a right slut. Burgh and Edward, you know the only reason he never had a girlfriend before Bella is because no-one would have him. Of course Alice is the worst of them all; short, chubby and slut talk about your triple whammy." I heard Jessica laugh unkindly at Lauren's comment while one of the guys coughed uncomfortably. I felt tears prick at my eyes as the anger rose in my stomach but before I could react, Alice's dressing room door banged and came off the hinges. I took a step outside to see Alice with dark black eyes staring at Lauren with the most animalistic smile I'd ever seen. At that moment I wondered how someone so small and cute could look so incredibly demonic.

"Sorry Lauren, care to repeat that little rant of yours?" Alice said her voice high and cute. Lauren took a step back and fear filled her eyes.

"What rant? I didn't say anything, right?" She looked to her friends for encouragement but they all leaned away from her.

"Really because I thought I heard you saying that my parents are sluts, my sister's a skanky whore, my brother's fat, my boyfriend's constipated and my other brother is a reject. Of course I could be wrong but I also think I heard you insult Bella here and call me, hmm what was it again? Oh yes a short chubby slut. Correct me if I'm wrong Lauren but I'm pretty sure you said all these things." I saw some newfound confidence appear in Lauren's eyes and it was at that point I pushed Edward's button. This sent a tiny electric signal pulsing to Edward's phone giving him a distress signal and our location, well that was what I hoped it did he hadn't really explained it to me just put it in my pocket.

"Yeah well maybe I did Alice, what are you going to do about it?" Lauren said, although her words seem menacing she stumbled over the words and we could barely hear her talking.

"Look lady, I don't know who you think you are judging me on my family when you know nothing about them, but I think it would be in your best interests to shut up now." Alice said jabbing her in the chest as she spoke. "In fact I think it would be in your best interests to never ever say anything that in anyway relates to any of my family ever again or I may be forced to rip your head of and then smear your brains all over your corpse before dancing around it in the lingerie that I just tried on." At this point Lauren had backed into a rack in Victoria Secret and with one last push from Alice fell to the floor. For some reason then Tyler seemed to have some form of nobility instilled on him at the sight of fallen Lauren and turned and pushed Alice with all his strength.

"Hey, leave her alone." Alice, in either a brilliant fake fall or geniune trip appered taken off guard and fell to the floor. Then there was a crack that seemed to resonate throughout all of America, before a resonating shriek of.


Somehow, somewhere Jasper's head peeked up "Alice," he thought before setting out at lightning speed towards Washington.

At the same time Edward had received Bella's frantic button pressing and was similarly heading out towards the shopping mall. They both met halfway and ran together.

Alice was fuming. Her carefully crafted false nail had broken in two.

"Do you have any idea how much these nails cost? They took 8 hours each to paint fully. It cost me $600 per nail. Does that put it into perspective for you Eric?" Eric Yorkie had made the mistake of saying it's just a nail. Alice turned towards Tyler who was cowering in fear. "I hope your intending on paying for this?"Tyler's eyes widened at the thought of paying $600 for a nail. Then Edward and Jasper burst through the door. Edward was at my side in a instant sweeping me up carefully into his arms and checking for injuries.

"What happened here?" I heard him question softly but I just nodded towards Alice who was being slowly calmed by Jasper. Edward looked over to her obviously getting the full story out of her mind. He nodded once before heading towards the group of frightened teenagers. Edward smiled warmly at them.

"Sorry about her, she's very defensive of our family. We all are. We're close and Alice has never taken well to those who insult us but no harm done. I mean she had each of the family members painted on that nail, and well you broke Jasper what do you expect? Don't worry about the nail Tyler we're not going to make you pay for it. However I think it would be best for all of you to keep a wide berth of Alice for a few weeks. Just in case. Enjoy Washington." He smiled at them all again and was began to walk towards the shop assistants.

"Hold on a minute." I could see Lauren struggling to get up from where she had gotten entangled in the display of bras. I held in a laugh at her face. "What about me? Your sister just like abused me. Aren't you even going to apologise? If she can afford $600 nails surely you can afford to offer me some compensation."

"I'm sorry but Carlisle is in charge of finances."

"So Carlisle will pay out for her manicure but isn't even willing to reimburse those who've been treated wrong?" Lauren continued, I sighed at her utter failure to know when to keep her mouth shut.

"Well Carlisle understands that Alice's nails are important to her. We'd be willing to ask him if he'd want to get some money for you but firstly we'd need to tell him why this whole situation came about. Now Carlisle is an understanding man so I'm sure he'd be able to overlook the comments you made about his family however he has to discuss all monetary issues with Esme and then Esme would be forced to find about what you said about her children and if I'm brutally honest it'd break her heart. Of course if that doesn't convince you, in our household there are no secrets so once Carlisle and Esme know it means that Rosalie and Emmett know and you can expect either of them to throw you through a wall. I mean Rosalie may not look strong but she'd give it her best shot after finding out what you said. In fact maybe, since it was actually you who has caused the most problems maybe you should be reimbursing us. Of course we'd never ask you to do that. It just seems selfish. But if you really feel you are owed something I will phone Carlisle now." Jasper's speech had officially shut up Lauren as Edward smiled proudly beside him. Alice was breathing deeply in the corner.

"Couldn't have said it better myself mate." Edward then patted him on the shoulder before leaving to pacify the shop clerks.

An: Yeah so the latest installment of Jasper's Plot! Which I'm thinking of changing the title of but since its not really going anywhere I figure why bother. Um yeah I kinda like this but I feel that my muse ran away with me and all the characters got a wee tad OOC so sorry about that. Hopefully no-one'll be too offended and if they are I'll just put it down to poetic license. Next time of Jasper's Plot is either Lauren's or Bella's revenge or Alice's revenge. I'm not sure so I figure whatever the reviewers want so if you have a preference lemme know and I'll see what to do. If I get nothing I'll just write them all and post them all up this chapter is dedicated to me because frankly I deserve it. Woop, woop.

If I don't post for long streches of time (which to be honest not very extra-ordinary for me but hey-ho) it's because the IB has made me committ suicide, I'll get someone to leave a note or something. Yeah so sorry about that. Mucho lovings! X