"I just got off the phone with Andy!! There's been reports of breaking and entering at the dog shelter."
"Gwen, I don't think we know of aliens who are that interested in Dogs. It's hardly our problem is it."
"Not an alien Jack, but your ex-boyfriend?"
Jack was up in no time...
"You must be kidding! John?" Jack stormed out of the office and into the hub where Ianto was working on some admin.
"OK. Ianto, with me..."
"Where are we going Jack?"
"John has been molesting dogs!"
"You must be kidding me? ...He's been giving the dog a bone ?"
"And you think it's funny, do you." Jack said as they stormed out of the office.
Jack, Ianto and John came back to the hub. They had retconned the kennel-workers and the poodle.
"John, one more time ... dogs are not consenting adults, no matter how old they are in dog years... they do not enjoy cross-species sex."
"But Jack, they feel just like the Grunkenders you know from the Gantum quadrant. Come on, you loved them."
Jack could see Ianto's eye do a somersault.
Jack did like the Grunkenders, they were soft and fluffy. He'd spend numerous days enjoying their hospitality.
Still, this was earth and he'd never seen a poodle emanating purple lights that made you tingle all over. He would have remembered.
"John, I don't care what they feel like. Repeat after me: We do not molest poodles !!"
"Ok! ok! ... We do not molest poodles.. but can't they give their consent in non verbal ways?"
"And what would you consider a consent John?"
"A waggling tail?" John said, sounding hopefull.
Ianto and Jack watched John leave the hub. muttering about looking for comfort as no-one wanted to spend time with him.
"You know Jack, I really don't see how you could fall for him."
"oh right, you can't see what attracted me in a gorgeous, sexcraving, mysterious, ex-time agent?" Jack grinned at Ianto. "Really Ianto, you of all people should understand."