By Anthony Alves
Author's Notes: A comical oneshot about Ganondorf. Enjoy.
Ganondorf, The King Of Evil, was trapped in The Sacred Realm and was not in the least bit happy about it. Covertly however, Din, the goddess of power, came to him, and made an offer.
"Yes, I accept the challenge."
"Then go holder of the scared triangle of power..."
Ganondorf had one general objective, go through one long day of an earth college without slaughtering anybody or failing. His first class...math.
Enter Math, Cold, Calculating Gerudo...
"This is ABSURD! I SWEAR that one times one time one equals the Triforce!" Ganondorf protested.
"Heh, is this guy retarded or something? And what's with all that weird clothing...it is so gay..." One male commented.
Ganondorf held his arms in the air, and started gathering energy so he could completely and utterly kill this nuisance. NOBODY mocked the Gerudo King and lived to tell about it...
"Stop that lightshow this instance or I will flunk you!" The professor threatened.
Ganondorf showed no signs of stopping, but a beam of light from a teenage girl's mirror was blessed by the goddess Din, so it acted as a light arrow and caused Ganondorf to fall to the floor, clutching his chest in pain.
"Darn you goddesses...darn you teacher...DARN YOU TEENAGE FEMALE!"
Enter Drama, Black Hearted Member Of The Chosen...
Ganondorf then made his way down the hall to his next class. Just before he entered the door, he hit the floor with a decent punch, causing the humans to fly in different directions. Ganondorf then laughed in his staple, evil laugh. The drama professor noticed this, and was utterly thrilled.
"My goodness! You are perfect for the lesson today! You're even dressed like a villain!" The professor exclaimed.
"What?" Was all the poor Gerudo could say before he was promptly dragged off into the classroom.
"Now, show them how it is done!" The professor commanded.
Ganondorf, wanting to pass the class, held out his hand, and sent a wave of dark energy make of pure hatred into the class. The students broke out their pencils, and proceeded to try and kill each other.
"This is better than I could have ever hoped for!" The professor cried out in joy.
Security entered the room, and subdued the class before anyone could die.
Enter Science, Desert Warlock...
In a flash that defied physics, Ganondorf had appeared at his desk and seat. But his muscular body held too much weight, and broke his old chair in half.
"And that class, is what happens when an organism intakes steroids." The professor told the class.
"Science is useless when you have the Triforce, the blessing of the gods...in your hand." Ganondorf mentioned in a dark, deep tone.
"Oh great, another creationist." The professor groaned.
"The three goddesses created Hyrule in a short span of time, what about it?" Ganondorf questioned.
"Where is your proof?"
Ganondorf held out his right hand, showing his Triforce Of Power.
"When I gain the last two pieces...I will become the only god!"
"Will you cure my mommy's cancer?" One naive student asked.
"No, I will use dark magic to fuse the two together, and use that being as a mini-boss for the next temple The Hero Of Time will undoubtedly face when I escape my prison." Ganondorf explained, and then chuckled out loud.
"I see your steroids have affected your frontal lobe severely."
"Silence future slave! I'll make you a redead if you keep this up!"
Enter History, Immortal Legend...
Ganondorf was on his way to his history class, when he saw a few kids drinking beer out in the open. Ganondorf snatched the drink right out of one teenager's hand, and easily gulped it down.
"HA! This is nothing compared to milk! Learn to drink like a man!" Ganondorf said with great pride in himself before leaving the group dumbfounded.
"...milk?" The boy said in disbelief.
After that incident, Ganondorf entered the history class and took out a history textbook only he could ever hope to lift without assistance. Shockingly, Ganondorf did not cause any commotion, but instead listened with great interest, hoping to learn how to exploit humanity. After that class, he headed off to lunch, and had to sit on the table to avoid crushing the bench.
Ganondorf had tried to gulp down some milk he cleverly stole, but spit it right out.
"WHAT?! THIS MILK IS EXPIRED?!" He cried out in rage as he crushed the cartoon in his hand, the milk bleeding from the cartoon through the areas inbetween his fingers.
Most of the students turned to observe the fully grown and intimidating man...whine over milk. One girl, on a dare by her friends however, walked up to the enraged man.
"Hey handsome, why don't you follow me to my dorm room and...vent some of that anger of yours?" She proposed.
"Try me later after I've drank so much milk, I can't even see straight, you filthy, disease ridden whore." He replied with an obviously mocking tone.
The woman scoffed, and walked away, not wanting to slap a man that would only hurt her hand if she hit him.
"Humph, worthless creatures. Not even worth killin-"
Enough! You're trial has been completed. You will be released and allowed to live in both this timeline and The Hero Of Time's present timeline...
Author's notes: Well that is the end of this oneshot. Reviews are appreciated and encouraged.