A/N: Inspired by many many SEASON TWO SPOILERS. If you don't want to know about anything that happens through episode 2.04, then please PRESS THE BACK BUTTON NOW.
For those of you still with me, here is my explanation for Blair's motivations during the second season's first three episodes, starting with her feelings about Chuck's abandonment at the Helipad; Song lyrics are by Collin Raye; I own nothing... not even my own insecurities.
What the Heart Wants
When Blair Waldorf boarded the Bass' private plane without him, she remained optimistic. Chuck Bass may not have been the most reputable person in the Upper East Side, but he'd never been one to lie.
It seemed that he'd started making exceptions on that account lately... but only in her case.
She was watching the sun set from her bedroom, the one in the Tuscan villa turned Bed and Breakfast that he'd reserved for their little getaway, when she realized he wasn't coming. A phone call to her best friend Serena was all it took to confirm it.
Chuck had abandoned her.
After having a good long cry about being fooled about his intentions and humiliated by him again, Blair resolved to tour Italy, make her way over to her father's place in France, and forget that Chuck Bass had ever touched her.
It almost worked.
She was staring at the Eiffel Tower in Paris, The City of Lights, when she finally resigned herself to the fact she missed him. The feeling was an old familiar, so she'd fought it and the flashbacks to the few months after her dethroning where she'd first become acquainted with it.
After she'd given in to Serena's pleas for her to stay instead of running to France, she'd shut herself in her room and told herself that she wasn't allowed to miss him anymore. Blair Waldorf could command her heart to let go... especially when she wasn't willing to accept that there was need it to.
It was less complicated than admitting that she might actually care for the bastard.
Now that months had passed since then, she could look back and know that the emptiness she'd felt wasn't her loss of status, it was his absence. No matter what the capacity, he'd been a part of her life for years and it was natural to feel the loss.
She'd pretended to not notice his existence at school and succeeded in building that illusion until the day came where she was forced to acknowledge him. Part of her blamed Serena and her neediness for bringing the Upper East Side's re-instituted Queen Bee back together with its former Playboy. Other parts knew it was only a matter of time anyway.
In truth, she'd only been waiting for him to make his move. The grand gesture that he'd presented in the form of his moving Best Man speech was a welcome surprise, as were the sentiments he'd expressed on the dance floor afterward.
It was too good to be true and she should have known that it was.
Looking back on it now from her Father's kitchen table in Lyon there was no other word for his abandonment than obvious. Chuck had been the perfect gentleman since he'd put himself back in the race for Blair's heart; she'd even expressed that fact to Serena.
It was clear now that his uncharacteristic behavior was probably their downfall.
She'd thought a trip to Tuscany was a tad bit too romantic for one as new to the relationship game as Chuck Bass, but it'd been his idea. Therefore, he must have been ready to go on vacation alone with her. And believing that was how she'd found herself on a plane without him.
There was a tiny voice inside her head that told her it was her fault; letting him think that she'd needed him to change when all she truly wanted was to give their former fling an actual try. She'd allowed him to open doors and take things slow when what she craved was their former fire for each other landing them in bed for a few days.
It was beginning to look like they weren't meant to have a chance.
When one of her replacement travel companions introduced her to James, she'd known right away that he would bore her to tears. He, on the other hand, seemed to be smitten with her. Spending a few nights out on the town with him led him decide to fly back to the states at the same time as her; he had business there anyway. She'd not objected to his plan; a transcontinental flight was a terrible thing when you were alone and she had fresh knowledge on the subject.
She was tentatively dating him, even though she wasn't really interested, because she knew what it would look like when she arrived back in New York: she was fine without Chuck.
It floored her when her former flame met her at the bus station on Long Island and thrilled her that she'd had someone to kiss in front of him. The crushed look on his normally haughty face was worth the lackluster kiss.
The events that immediately followed her arrival back into her familiar world were a whirlwind, centered around her very jealous ex and his ploys to prove her current boyfriend unfit. Chuck was still trying to show he could be the gentleman that he thought she wanted when all she really needed was who he'd already been. He seemed to think that his efforts would have her running back to him.
It wasn't going to be that easy this time.
They were standing face to face at one point, Chuck and Blair, and he was actually begging her not to leave with James. Chuck Bass was pleading with her to stay by his side where he knew she wanted to be. He was apologizing, admitting to being scared of how she made him feel and of disappointing her again...
It was surprising that he could talk about the feeling but not express it in words.
His inability to be honest with both of them told her that he couldn't be trusted, that maybe he'd lied about his reasoning for jilting her. Chuck Bass, after all, was known for what was in his pants, not his chest.
It was hard for her to believe that, but if he couldn't say what they both already knew, there must be a reason. There were many reasons, but guilt seemed the most likely.
When he couldn't give her the real reason why she needed to stay with him, when he'd stuttered over the three little words that would have broken her resolve to torture him, something inside her shattered.
A summer apart hadn't been long enough for him to realize all she needed was an honest him.
She kept dating James, even when she found out that his real name was Marcus and he'd lied to her about his identity as a British Lord. His gentle, understanding nature reminded her of Nate and the safe haven he'd been when Chuck had hurt her that first time... of when she'd run back to her 'first love' to avoid how deeply she'd fallen for his best friend.
It was easy to fall back into the 'golden couple' routine with Marcus assuming Nate's former role as doting boyfriend, even though not even Nate had truly fit that title by their end.
Chuck was always waiting, watching her, undressing her with his eyes and observing her robotic girlfriend performance with a knowing smirk on his face. He seemed to think she'd come looking for him when Marcus fell short.
It was too bad, really, because Blair didn't intend to play with fire again.
Being with Marcus had become safe and familiar, a way of starting over without the danger of getting burned. He wouldn't damage her the way Chuck had, so she let herself believe that Marcus would be enough.
And he was... until Chuck became impatient with waiting and decided to seduce her. Word had gotten around that Blair and Marcus weren't sleeping together, which meant that Chuck actually had a chance in hell of succeeding.
She was throwing a party at her mother's penthouse apartment when he decided to put his plan to win her back into overdrive.
It wouldn't have worked if Blair hadn't been so sexually frustrated.
Chuck was confident and oozing sexuality when he approached her, spouting quips about her wasting her potential. Telling her that he'd always been fascinated by her. Luring her into his web with that smooth voice of his. Somehow she was turned around in his arms with his breath hot on her neck, his mouth whispering sinful things he'd once done to her into her ear, his hand holding hers; she was powerless to move away until he'd suggested they have sex and the spell had been broken.
The problem was that she was now incredibly turned on with no way to flick off the switch. Making plans with Marcus to meet in her room, she'd arrived there just as the lights went out and Chuck had emerged from the shadows in her boyfriend's place.
It wasn't hard to pretend she didn't know whose lips she was kissing... even though her heart knew all too well it was Chuck.
When the power came back and Marcus discovered the two former lovers in a heated embrace, Blair had felt guilty. Even if her feelings for him were only an iota of the strength the ones she had for Chuck were, she still was fond of him. He'd helped nurse her back to sanity after Chuck had let her down and now she'd hurt him.
She was still trying to convince her heart that she didn't want the merry-go-round that was Chuck's idea of a relationship, so she pushed Chuck away and chased Marcus.
Now it was Chuck's fallen face, seeing her in the arms of his rival for her affection, that tugged at her heart. He stormed down the stairs past the Marcus and Blair reunion and she put the guilt out of her mind. Right now she needed to try and show Marcus that she wanted to stay with him.
It was the only way to keep her newfound sanity.
Starting over was what she wanted, it really was, so she gave it her best shot.
It wasn't Marcus' fault that his kisses paled in comparison to Chuck's.
Blair was lying under Marcus's clothed body on her bed, trying to be turned on by the kisses he was leaving on her throat or his hands roaming her body.
Unfortunately, for him, all she could feel was Chuck's phantom presence in the room, putting the man still in it to absolute shame. The way that Chuck's mouth set fire to every piece of flesh it touched, his hands searing her skin, his whispered mantra of her name was all that mattered now that she'd given in to him and it wasn't fair. Her body belonged to him, the first man to touch it and make it come alive.
It was then that she pushed Marcus away.
He seemed to have expected it; he'd asked her once if she'd only dated him to make Chuck jealous and now his suspicions were more than confirmed. Blair turned her head away as he left, trying not to think of the implications that finally following her heart would have.
It seemed that the traitorous organ only wanted Chuck, that it missed him just as much as it had that day in Paris on their thwarted vacation.
Blair was growing weary of trying to deny that her heart, and the body that it inhabited, belonged with him.
There was a nervous feeling inside her chest any time she gave serious consideration to forgiving him.
She'd been talking to Serena about how Chuck had spent his summer and trying not to be obvious about her intent. For once her ditzy best friend saw through her guise and described a Chuck Bass that was trying too hard to forget her. Apparently he'd been seen around with various girls over the summer, yet Serena knew he'd been home alone every night.
It looked like Chuck hadn't ditched her to be a manwhore after all; he might have been telling the truth about just being scared to fail her.
A summer of abstinence could explain his determination to seduce her in spite of her determination to forget him; the note of raw need in his voice when he asked her to sleep with him at that damn party still rang true in her ears.
Her infamous resolve was definitely waning.
Two weeks after the party that answered too many of the lingering questions in her, she ran into Chuck at school... accidentally on purpose.
He'd eyed her warily when she'd greeted him after weeks spent in silence; she'd resisted the urge to pick up where they'd left off.
And, after he helped her pick up the items she'd dropped upon their collision, she'd gone on her way to class with his unusually defeated eyes haunting her thoughts.
The clock had been ticking, waiting until she worked up the nerve to mend their rift, but that broken look in his eyes and the feel of his body against hers when they'd collided cinched the decision to act.
After school she went home, changed into something sweet yet simple, and showed up outside his door. The surprise on his face at her presence was worth the contrition she felt for it having to be there.
"Can I come in?"
He seemed to consider the implications of her crossing this particular threshold for a moment and she hated that he had to think about it first before motioning for her to come in. "After you."
Standing there, facing him, any plan that had been formed while she was dressing fled her mind. She felt ridiculous, speechless, while he stared at her expectantly.
The simple thing to say would probably be hardest; "I'm sorry."
"For what, Blair? Bumping into me today?" Chuck's face was guarded as he spoke, "You didn't have to come over here to apologize... it's the most action I've had in weeks. I should be thanking you."
Sighing, she stepped toward him while he remained rooted where he stood. "And I should be making that up to you." His eyes gaped at her as she raised her fingers to brush against his cheek, "Lost time is a terrible crime."
He looked incredibly confused as her hand dropped to his chest. "Can I get that in English, please?"
"Where do you want me to start, Chuck?" Her other hand joined the first at his collar, stroking the skin through expensive fabric as she listed her offenses. "That I shouldn't have chased after Marcus when he caught us? That I should have dumped him the moment I found out he'd lied to me? That I should have taken you back at the White Party?"
Bringing her face to his neck, she whispered, "Or that I shouldn't have fallen in love with my ex-boyfriend's best friend... one of my best friends."
When his arms wrapped around her, she felt like she might have gotten through to him. The kiss to her hair and the "I love you, too" whispered against the strands made it official.
She'd been trying to tell her heart that it didn't want the pain of loving him since she'd come back to New York.
Her heart had been trying to tell her that all it wanted... was his.
No fairytale ever started this way, but...
It ain't the mind that calls the shots around here when stronger powers pull two bodies near...
Nothing on earth can interfere when love is what the heart wants.
A/N: Well, there it is: another one of my season two Chuck & Blair reunion speculations. I'm interested to know what you thought.