A.N Hey guys this is my first fanfiction ever about Twilight. I hope that you love it just as much as I do. Please review after you've read it. I don't care what kind of review it is, just please R&R.

Disclaimer: I do not and will not ever own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer holds that right. whispers lucky brat. Lol.

Well this is my story of how Isabella coped with losing Edward in New Moon only Edward and everybody else are human. See how Bella has been able to live at all after he left. NOTHING IN AFTER EDWARD LEFT IN NEW MOON OR IN ECLIPSE AND BREAKING DAWN EVER HAPPENED. (I figured that I would just let you know. Lol)

Now onto my story

"I don't want you anymore, I no longer lover you." His words cut through my heart like daggers. I blinked rapidly, my mind not able to grasp what he was telling me. I shook my head and stared at the cold emerald eyes that pierced my own.

"I don't understand, I gave you everything." My voice was steady, considering that my heart and soul were breaking before him. "Why are you trying to hurt me?" The tears were tugging at the corners of my eyes.

"Maybe you did give yourself to me a little too quickly. You aren't a challenge anymore. You're just too easy…" His words trailed off as he turned and walked away from me. A.N I know that many of you hate me right now but it does get better I swear it does.

I woke up feeling the familiar ache in my heart after I relived the worst living nightmare of my life. It's been 2 years since then and my subconscious mind keeps dreaming sometimes that it never happened. When I look at my dingy apartment in Seattle, and at the crib that is lying near my bed I know that he truly is gone. I stare at the face of my angel and smile. He truly is the most beautiful little boy that I've ever seen.

Yes, little boy. A little boy with bronze curls and my brown eyes. His face however reminds me of the man who left me. The man that I still cannot force my self to hate and force my self to stop loving. I've given up on hope, yes, but I've never given up on how much I still love him. Anthony, my most adorable creation, has become my new heart and soul. I will do anything in my power to keep him safe and protected.

2 years ago, when I found out that I was pregnant, I left Charlie. I didn't give him and explanation; I just went down to La Push and asked Jacob to run away with me. A.N yes I know that Bella doesn't really know Jacob after Edward leaves but just pretend. Lol. Ever since then Jacob has been working days as a mechanic, while I have been working nights at the local club. We set it up this way so that Anthony is never alone.

I work as a cocktail waitress or at least that's what I tell Jacob. The truth is that I started out as a cocktail waitress and worked my way up to a stripper. Some say that it is degrading but I don't find anything degrading in it as long as my son has food in his belly.

I caressed his sleeping face and smile down at my creation. He looks so peaceful and serene when he's like this. He almost looks like Ed- No! I force my mind to stop thinking his name again; I just can't handle the baggage of it anymore. I kiss his cheek lightly and head towards the bathroom to look at the damage that I've done to myself.

I turn on the hard fluorescent light and close my eyes. I know that I'm staring at the mirror; I just now have to make myself to open my eyes. I take a deep breath before I do so. A sob chokes my throat as I fight not to cry. My arms are the worst, tiny scars and fresh cuts now line the edge of my wrist, which is why I wear gloves on stage. I realize that I don't want to kill myself; I only want physical scars that can make me understand why I'm in pain. The emotional scars aren't great either but at least with the physical scars I can control how much I'm in pain. I turn my head to the side to stare at the right side of my neck. They are covered in purple hickey's that line my collarbone. I tremble and pull my arms around my torso, fighting to hold myself together.

As I stare in the mirror the thing that frightens me the most is the dead look in my eyes. I hide this look from Jacob and Anthony when I'm around them but this look is what I've been living with for the past two years. The dead look that says something's died inside of me and I just haven't figured it out yet. I wrap the jacket tighter around my body and head towards the living room, sprawling across the couch to aimlessly flick through the channels.

"Bells! You home?" I hear Jacob come in and plaster my best fake, professional smile over my face. I can't help but smile when Jacob is around. Once or twice he's gotten a real smile out of me and he's the only one that know how to. I sit up and let him sit next to me. "What have you been doing all day?" He asked, giving me a friendly kiss on my cheek.

"Nothing, just sitting around the house waiting to go to work." I smile and look over at the clock. "Oh and I see that now I've only got half an hour until I have to be there." I stand up and smile at Jacob before going into the room and getting dressed.

(Four hours later)

I take a deep breath before I push myself out into the bar and cocktail area. I'd already done my three sets on stage and now is when I go out into the crowd and please the men individually. I hear laughter from the corner table and hear and big shout of happy birthday. I figured that maybe I would get the most there, seeing as how they were all very drunk and looked like they had money.

I walked over to the birthday boy and sat down in his lap. "So how you would you like a private dance with me for your birthday?" I asked seductively in his ear, breathing coarsely and sexually.

Someone handed him 30 and he stuffed it into my little boy short panties. "I think that I would love that." He voice sounded familiar but I just couldn't place it anywhere. I smiled against the side of his face, leaning away and staring into his face. A face that had gone from drunken happy to shock. "Bella?" He asked staring at me like he knew me.

"Yes." I said calmly, I still had no idea who this is.

"Don't you remember me? I'm Mike Newton. I went to high school with you before you left 2 years ago." My heart was pounding in my throat by the end of his little speech. My jaw hung open and I couldn't help but shake my head.

I took out the money and handed it back to him. "Happy birthday." I said before standing up and starting to walk away. A hand stopped me and it was Mike's. I stared down at him and his drunken stupor took over him.

"Now why not just give me one dance." He said standing and stuffing the money back inside my boy shorts. I closed my eyes and nodded, I couldn't just let the money go so I did what I had to do.

I took him into the back room and sat him down, before sitting on top of him and grinding. He was moaning in my ear and trying to kiss me. "You don't know how long it's been since I've thought about you sitting on top of me, riding me." His words were vulgar but I was used to vulgarity. I just wasn't used to it from someone that used to be my friend. "Are you allowed to fuck your customers or do I have to pay you more for that?" I pushed away from him and saw the sadistic smile marching across his face. I shook my head and ran away backstage. I sank down into a thin straight backed chair and let my face fall into my hands.

I let a few tears slip but I couldn't allow myself the privilege of crying until I was safely in my bathroom at home. I looked in the mirror and wiped the tears from my eyes, getting back to my original and professional face. I smiled and walked back into the throng of people.

I kept my head up high and was everything that these men wanted me to be, on the inside I was the scared little girl left alone in the dark….

A.N Okay that was chapter one. If you don't like it trust me it gets better. Edward will appear in the next chapter I promise you. And BTW there is a slight relationship going on between Jacob and Bella. But you'll find out about that in the next chapter.

So you know that drill Hit the little button and start reviewing. Please? Lol Stay tuned for the next chapter.