Bella's POV

I had spent a good portion of the afternoon at First Beach, relaxing for the first time in days. I had my LCD screen hooked up remotely to the cameras Esme installed into the house. Everywhere but Edward's room. Jasper was currently in the fetal position in his study. Rosalie had finally stopped chasing Esme, though for how long I was unsure of.

I was heading back on my bike through the woods towards the treaty line when I heard it.

A snarl and a string of profanities..

The further I traveled the louder the noise got until I reached the treaty line and discovered the source.

Edward.

My Edward.

Cursing and destroying anything in his path on the other side of the invisible line.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. I had never seen him so frustrated in my life. Not in Italy, not while under the threats of James and Victoria and the army of newborns. Never had I seen him so... broken.

Ah hell, I think I did this too.

"Bella!" Edward stopped in his pulverizing of an Evergreen to where I was leaning against my bike. Edward made to step across the boundary but I held my hand up, halting him.

"Edward sweetheart, what did the evergreen ever do to you?" I asked. I couldn't help the smirk forming on my face.

"There's a werewolf in our bedroom," he simply stated.

"I'm aware of this fact."

"He's stinking the place up. Like ass." Edward nodded solemnly as if this was the most important piece of information the world had every seen.

"Seth smells fine to me." I replied. I was hard pressed to contain my giggles but contain them I did. I had never seen Edward like this before.

"No, like ass." A giggle escaped. My sweet, gentlemanly Edward was referring to another living being as smelling like ass.

"Did Emmett body snatch you by chance? I knew I never should have let him watch that movie," I muttered.

"No my love. Emmett is currently watching his Roald Dahl on crack impersonating wife put our mother in a head lock."

"I saw," I held up my LCD viewing screen.

"Ah," Edward nodded his head, eerily calm.

"Jasper's in the fetal position in his study. I wasn't aware the life size cutouts would have that effect on him."

"Alice is a mumbling mess in her closet. What exactly did you do to it?" Edward asked. That's when I noticed his hand twitching by his side.

"You don't want to know. Edward, what's wrong with your hand?" I asked.

Edward glanced down before shrugging. "Bella love, if you don't get in my arms in the next two seconds I may be breaking a treaty."

I grinned.

This was my Edward.

But still, I couldn't...not yet.

"I'm sorry Edward, no."

"Bella, I need you." His voice was becoming desperate.

"And I need assurances that I won't become the next cracker jack prize in our family's demented version of keep away. I'm not a toy. Well, I'm not their toy. Yours, come our honeymoon on the other hand." I smirked at my fiancee.

"Bella, please," Edward ran his hands through his hair, violently pulling on the ends.

"Edward, can you promise me I won't be kidnapped, tossed around like a Jonas at a tween convention, painted orange, or taken internationally by our family? I swear its more dangerous for me and my sanity to be human around the family than if I was naked in the middle of Volterra. Victoria was less scary than Alice on a shopping spree."

"BELLA!" Edward wailed before he hit his knees on his side of the boundary line. "PLEASE! Our family will not touch you, just please come home! We don't have to go back there. We can run off to Vegas and then I'll take you far and away and I'll change you. We don't have to see them for the next century if you don't want to. Just please, I need you!"

I smiled as Edward stared at the ground, breathing hard. His hands clutching his head so hard I feared Edward would pull his hair out. And that would be a crying shame as I really do love Edward's hair.

Its so pretty.

"Well now, that's all I needed." I said as I launched myself into Edward's arms. Edward laid back on the forest floor, wrapping his arms around me, sighing contentedly. I peppered his face with kisses as I muttered, "No more Gene Wilder acid trips....No more shopping....no more skittles, EVER....and definitely no more road trips with Emmett...."

"Never," Edward sighed before meeting lips with his.

And that's where we stayed for the the rest of the day.

Alright, its not what I wanted but I'm just stuck and I need to finish this. Seriously though. Reviews get a naked Cullen to do with as they will. Its a naked Cullen free-for-all. Make them scrubbed the oven, write your psych paper (Jasper is especially useful for that) give that big presentation at work on Monday, whatever you want. Hell, drizzle them in chocolate and have a Cullen Sundae for all I care. Just don't let them perform surgery unless you pick Carlisle. That wouldn't work out to well.

Don't review and Mike and Aro will force you to become the third party in their love triangle. And they like their kink a little to much.

I don't think you want that.

*shudders*

Till next time, readers! :D