A/n: Just a little fun loving one-shot. I may turn it into a story if I can think of a good one to go with it. If you get any ideas let me know.
Batman ran and swung and flung from rooftop to rooftop. He was alone tonight; Dick was back at home doing homework. There really hadn't been any big criminal disturbances this week so Batman had been pretty relaxed this time out. It was almost three in the morning when he started heading back towards his car, and towards his bed.
As he swung past a lower building top he saw the roof door fly open and to his surprise Harleen Quinzel stepped out sobbing. He swung down low and landed near by in the shadows. Harley looked more distraught then normal and under her left arm she carried a small fishing and tackle box. In her right hand she held a small mirror. In full uniform Batman could see nothing physically wrong with the girl, other then the fact she sounded like a dying moose. Then again that wasn't physically.
"Why do I even' bother!" She cried out. "Every time I even try it all just comes crumblin' down." She walked about to the middle of the roof and then dropped to her knees and sat down. She sat the box down to her left and placed the mirror down before her. She reached into the sleeve of her outfit and pulled out a small red and black handkerchief. Then she slowly pulled off her hood and her short blonde hair sprung free. She pulled off the black mask and started to whip the white make up off her face.
That is when Batman saw it, near her temple on the side of her head. Her hair was an orange red color and he saw the blood and nasty bruise and cut on her head. "I just said goin' to a different city would be fun for a bit. Stirin' up some trouble away from the Bat would give him some new ideas. Why do I even…" she stopped talking and reached for the tackle box. She opened it and pulled what looked to be rubbing alcohol out from the case.
"Come on Harley old girl! You've had worse then this. He ain't as bad as some of the men that have been in your life… at least he can be nice… sometimes…" This comment didn't make Harley perk up in the slightest. She poured some of the rubbing alcohol onto the cloth she had pulled from her sleeve and then grabbed the mirror. She turned her head slightly and started dabbing at the wound cringing as the alcohol stung the open gash.
"Maybe you could go back to the asylum Harley, I mean give it a year or two and you could be an upstanding citizen just like any of the other shmucks you steal from. Besides, after cleaning all these marks Mister J. gives ya I bet you could go and be a doctor. You always liked helping people more then hurting them… but it is pretty funny to watch them run away when Mister J. gases um!" she started to laugh and then grabbed her head as if it hurt her to smile. "Ya and just wait, you will spend two years of your life locked up and then right when you get out Mister J. will send you some flowers or you will see him on the t.v. and you will fall head over heels for the brute… your hopeless… how can you love a maniac… how couldn't you?" Harley said sounding dreamy by the end of her talking out loud to herself.
Batman turned to go, it was obvious she was already having a bad night, he had no excuse to arrest her and this deffininatly wouldn't help her want to come clean if he attacked her for no reason. As he started to move away he heard a familiar voice calling from the stairs. "HARLEY!" Batman jerked back to watch the scene, instinct told him to reach for a bat-o-rang but he didn't. He stood perfectly still and watched.
"Up here Mister J." Harley called cleaning her wound quicker. Just then the roof door flew open harshly, The Joker walked out in a purple tank top and his purple tux pants. "So there you are. What are you doing up here in plain sit Harley! If the Bat should swing by you would give away our location!" The Joker said approaching her.
"Sorry Mister J. I just needed some fresh air…" she said hurriedly putting away her make shift first aid kit. "You've taken off your make up." He said. Batman saw he had no smile, no laugh. The Joker was deffiniantly at his most dangerous right now. Batman grew tense ready to spring if he took a hand to Harley.
"Well maybe if you didn't hit the girl she wouldn't have to remove her make up and clean the blood off herself." The Joker, Harley, and even Batman turned in surprise to the side of the roof to see Ivy standing there, hands on her hips. "RED!" Harley screamed and stood and started to run towards the girl in green. The Joker was faster however and tripped Harley as she moved by. She fell and skidded a few feet leaving her chin and neck raw from the rocky roof.
"You jerk!" Red said jumping down from the ledge and going over to Harley. The Joker hardly heard as he wailed with laughter. "Talk about vertigo!" he cried.
"Come on Harley, we are getting out of here. Go and grab your things… I am not letting you stay here anymore." This silenced the Joker quickly, he gritted his teeth and looked at the red head that was helping up Harley. "Don't even think about it Ivy, she is mine and she is staying right here." The Joker said roughly reaching out and pushed Ivy away and grabbing Harley.
Batman watched as Harley smiled slightly looking dreamily up at The Joker, Batman knew from experience she loved when he claimed her. She thought it was him showing his love for her, it was really just his possessive nature. He had seen it way to many times, every time Harley had ever taken off and not come back she had prospered more then she ever had when she was with The Joker. And Batman knew The Joker hated that point about Harley, she was a genius with out him.
"Harley!" Ivy said angrily, "Don't let your heart get in the way of your head… which is STILL bleeding from where that MONSTER hit you!" Batman saw it then, on Harley's face. He saw the brief, almost unnoticeable look of distrust. Her brain knew Ivy was right, she knew she needed and wanted to leave. But her heart quickly over rode her brain and Batman saw that smile spread across her face and her knees go weak.
"Come on Red, everyone makes mistakes… I can give Mister J. another chance… he didn't mean…" The Joker had started to smile, he knew how good of a hold he had on Harley and he knew how quickly and thoroughly his hands and smile worked on the girl in his arms. "She's right RED, I didn't mean to… I just lose my temper… where would I be with out such a forgiving girl… such a lovely and beautiful girl…"
Harley squealed with excitement and Batman watched as Poison Ivy approached the duo with anger and rage in every step, "No! I am not going to let you manipulate her anymore. She doesn't deserve this! And you don't deserve her!" Ivy grabbed Harley's other arm and yanked hard. The Joker taken by surprise at Ivy's strength lost his grip quickly and his balance too. He fell forward and landed on his face. "Oh Puddin'!" Harley cried reaching back towards Mister J.
Ivy grabbed Harley by both arms and spun her around, "HARLEEN! You are one of the most intelligent women I have ever met! And yet you can't get it through your head that if he hits you once he is going to do it again! The man is a nut job and it's never going to change! He is just going to use you, abuse you and then leave you in a ditch dead or dying! Please, I am begging you, as your best friend, please! Just come away with me. Leave Gotham… and leave The Joker. He was fine before with out you…he will be fine after you leave."
"B-but…" Harley started. Ivy groaned and grabbed the mirror that was still in Harley's hand. "Look at yourself Harley! He ripped your head open because you wanted to go on Vacation! All he wants to do is hunt down the Bat… that is who he really loves… the goddamn Batman! He won't ever be able to love you like he loves killing and trying to kill the bat…"
"Harley." Came the cool and soft voice of The Joker. Harley turned slowly and looked back at the scary smile that she loved. "Come on toots, don't give up on us yet… we have always fixed things before… please… I need you." The Joker held out his hand and Harley started to reach for it.
"Harleen." Came Ivy's voice, it was soft and very matter of factly. "Listen to your head, just for a second… " Harley's hand froze and she waited for Ivy to continue, "You are tired of being beaten, you are tired of hurting people, and you are tired of The Joker… you are just afraid to admit that you don't need him anymore… you know for a fact that you can survive in the underworld of crime with out him, he may have got you started in this business… but you don't need him… please, just walk away…"
Harley looked at The Joker whose smile was slowly fading; she took a step back and pulled her hand away. The Joker's smile was totally gone now, his hands turned into fists and he took a step towards her. She quickly moved to stand next to Ivy, "Sorry Puddin'" she said, her voice changing, it sounded almost normal. "But Ivy is right, my head is telling me it's over… I'm not your punchin' bag anymore." She turned her back to the man in purple and started to walk away with Ivy.
"Harley!" The Joker yelled after the two retreating women. As they disappeared off the roof The Joker raspberried, "Ah who needs her…" he started to turn towards the door, "She'll be back." Batman watched as The Joker stopped and picked up Harley's discarded hood and mask.
Looking back to the side of the roof where Harley had disappeared The Joker had a look of fear on his face, "Please come back." He put his hands to his mouth, "Harley!" he cried. He waited a moment, but obviously to his surprise she did not come bounding back. "Harley!" he screamed again. She did not come running and Batman was shocked to see The Joker rub his hands nervously threw his hair. The Joker lifted his head and screamed again, "HARLEEN!" His face was distorted, and it was obvious he was in serious thought. He stood and ran to the side of the roof, "HARLEEN!"
Batman watched in pure shock, was it possible that The Joker had finally attached himself to someone? Was it possible that The Joker had actually cared for the young female jester? Then The Joker flung the girl's hood and mask to the ground and stared at it. His eyes looked huge and glossy, he was shaking slightly and he sighed sinking to the ground, his back resting against the side of the roof's wall.
"Stop being so stubborn Joker boy, just go and apolo.." he froze and swallowed, "Go and apolo-" Batman saw The Joker shiver, "Apologize to the little tart… after all she does contribute. The cooking, the cleaning, feeding the hyenas, washing, drying… but she is so… GAH! That woman!" The Joker's head rested on his fist, his other hand was on his knee. "Please just come back, don't make me…" The Joker stood, "Fine, she wants me to come after her I will… but that's it… after that if she takes off she is on her bloody own." The Joker walked back to the door, "Just go after her… you know you want to… you need the stupid, stubborn, silly little…. fool." The Joker slammed it shut after him. Batman moved from the shadows and continued his journey back home. He couldn't help but noticed the affection that had been in the Joker's voice, even if it had been faint.
"How was the city Master Bruce?" Alfred asked.
"Anything exciting happen?" Robin also inquired.
"Nothing exciting ran into The Joker… and Harley Quinn and poison Ivy." Bruce said helping himself to some left over food. Alfred stood looking at Bruce in shock, the pink apron hanging from his arm dangerously close to sliding off. Robin still had the straw from his chocolate milk hanging out of his mouth, the end dripping onto his math paper.
"And you didn't call me?" Robin finally stammered looking worried.
"I didn't need to, we didn't fight. I just listened." Bruce said sitting down across from Robin at the island in the middle of the kitchen. He adjusted the stool and then started to eat some mashed potatoes.
"More like eavesdropped." Alfred said smiling and continuing to fold the apron.
"What happened, was it a illegal deal or something?"
"Well?" Robin asked sounding annoyed.
"Ivy was taking Harley away, and The Joker didn't want Harley to go…"
Once again the two other people in the kitchen froze and looked to Bruce, "Why are you acting like this is a every day thing?" Robin said looking to Bruce suspiciously.
"It was an ordinary thing, every couple has fights." Bruce said starting to eat his veggies.
Robin looked to Alfred, his mouth hanging open in shock, "Am I the only one here who thinks Bruce has lost it?"
Alfred raised his hand and then started to put away the dishes.
"It was odd, I know the Joker better then almost anyone and it almost seemed that he cared for Harley, that he didn't want her to go… like it would actually be a big deal to him if she left and didn't come back." Bruce said taking a drink of his milk.
"Don't tell me you think there is still some humanity left in that monster just because it APPEARS that he cares for Harley… I mean I bet if he could make some money off of it he would kill her like that!" Robin said snapping his fingers.
"I think it's more along the lines of, he could kill her if he needs to, but if he doesn't have to, if it isn't a necessity then he will keep her around as long as he can. I think she is the only person he has actually kept around himself. From what I have heard in the underground, they are considered the underworlds cutest couple and apparently it's even gone as far as intimacy."
Dick spewed the rest of his milk out over the table and looked to Bruce with a look of horror. "Bruce! Everybody and thier mother can put two and two together! Even I knew they were…. Like that… but why did you have to say it!" Alfred started whipping up the chocolate milk on the table. "Sorry Al." Robin said starting to pack up his books and papers.
"It's quite alright Master Dick. I can't blame you do to Master Bruce's inappropriate table conversation." Alfred said giving Bruce a Watch-yourself look.
Bruce paid no mind and finally went on after he took a steamed carrot into his mouth. "It isn't the deed itself it's the meaning behind it I am interested in." Bruce said standing and pushing the rest of the left over into the garbage. "Alfred, make sure Dick gets all his stuff done and then get him to bed its really late…"
"It's not really late, it's really early!" Dick shouted after Bruce who left the kitchen.
"I think it would be better if I started going out at night, and he stayed behind and did his home work." Dick said looking after Bruce.
"Agreed." Alfred said looking amused.
A/N: What you think? Info, opinions, reviews… no flames… not in the mood.