Disclaimer: I own Cookie. Nothing else.
A/N - this was based on a true story. My dog is evil. Cookie Monster will never see properly again.
"AHHHH!" The yell echoed through the Brotherhood house, coming from the direction of Pietro's room.
"What!?!" Lance yelled, shoving Pietro's door open.
"Oh the inhumanity!" Pietro cried, hugging something blue and furry to his chest. He was dressed only in a pair of blue and white pinstripe pj pants and a guys white singlet.
"What? What?" Lance said.
"Who died?" Todd exclaimed, rushing in behind Lance, Freddy hot on his heels.
"Waahh!" Pietro wailed, "Cookie Monster got eated!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Lance said in disbelief.
"Your cat ate my Cookie Monster!"
"All of it?" Todd asked.
"Cookie did what?" Lance asked again.
"Cookie ate Cookie!" Pietro wailed again.
"It can't be that bad," Todd protested.
"Not that bad!" Pietro shrieked, "not that bad! Look what she did!" He thrust the be-eyed soft toy in Todd's face. "She stole Cookie Monster's eyes! His eyes!"
"Oh god, how horrible!" Freddy cried, hiding his eyes as the blue, fuzzy creation loomed before him.
"So let me get this straight," Lance said, holding the bridge of his nose with two fingers like people do when they're having to deal with idiots and it's giving them a headache, "Cookie ate your soft toy's eyes."
"Your soft toy's eyes!"
"Stop repeating yourself! It's irritating in my moment of crisis!"
"I'm sorry, but your soft toy's eyes!"
"Lance stop it!" Todd snapped, "can't you see that you're not making this any easier for Pietro?" Pietro was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, stroking the soft toy's head softly.
"Where is Cookie anyway?"
"Hopefully lying somewhere with a very bad stomach ache!" Pietro snapped.
"Hey she's just a baby!" Lance protested.
"A baby that has a penchant for eyes!" Pietro snapped, hugging the blue toy to his chest.
"She has a taste for blood now," Todd said quietly, looking around suspiciously, "maybe she's hiding out for us."
"Todd, she's a cat!" Lance cried in exasperation, "not even a cat; a kitten! A poor misunderstood baby who lives in a house full of suspicious morons!"
"Suspicious like a fox!" Freddy said. The whole group looked at him in confusion.
"What?" Lance asked.
"Uh, nothing," Freddy said, looking at his feet.
"I'm going to find Cookie," Lance said, leaving the group of paranoid teens behind.
"Can we trust him?" Todd asked.
"Yes, maybe Cookie's already got to him," Freddy said, voice quiet, eyes flicking about cautiously, "maybe she's controlling him and Lance is nothing but an unwitting pawn in her master plan!" As Freddy had been saying this his voice had been growing gradually louder. "AHHH!" the large mutant screamed, "THERE SHE IS!"
"EYE THIEF!" Pietro cried, jumping back into his room and slamming the door.
"Hey Pietro, don't leave us out here!" Todd wailed, banging on the speedster's door.
"Ahh, she's coming closer!" Freddy shrieked. Abruptly the door opened, Todd and Freddy stumbling in, before the door slammed once more in the startled Cookie's face.
Downstairs Lance heard the door slam. Immediately alarm bells rang in the oldest mutant's head.
"Oh god," Lance muttered, "what on earth has happened now?" Lance rushed upstairs and into the hallway, were he spied a very puzzled Cookie staring at Pietro's door and mewing. "There you are," Lance smiled, relieved that Pietro hadn't decided to exact revenge upon the poor kitten, "it's okay."
Lance picked up the kitten and stroked her ginger fur, "Pietro?"
"I have Cookie."
"Pietro are you really that angry with her?" There was silence. "Pietro?"
"She's not on the warpath?" came Todd's voice through the door.
"She's not out for blood?" Freddy asked.
"No you idiots," Lance snapped, "she's a god damn kitten. When did you last see a kitten on the warpath?" (Visualise this. It will make you laugh. A lot.)
"Ah," Freddy said.
"Good point," Todd added. Pietro's door opened and the two mutant's stepped out. Cookie was now happily curled in Lance's arms, purring softly.
"Ohh, she looks so cute!" Todd cooed, patting the ginger kitten on the head, "how could I have thought you were blood thirsty?" Freddy cautiously followed suit.
"Now Pietro," lance called through the door, "I know you're mad at Cookie but come out now and let's forgive and forget."
"I'm not coming out there!"
"Please Pietro? Cookie's sorry."
"No she's not! She's faking it!"
"Just come out you lunatic!"
"Fine! Stay in there and act like a brat! We don't care!"
Pietro listened to the sound of footsteps disappearing down the hall. "She was faking it," he muttered to himself.
Lance yawned. Moving sluggishly he wandered into the kitchen for a snack.
"AHHHH! What are you doing!" Pietro yelped, "you're not meant to be up at 3:00 in the morning!"
"Neither are you!"
"I'll have you know I'm always up at night!" Pietro stopped and frowned, "wait, that didn't come out right." It was at this point that Lance noticed that Pietro was hiding something behind his back. Nothing good hides behind Pietro's back.
"Pietro, what is behind your back?"
"Meow!" A small mew came from behind Pietro's back.
"Good god Pietro what have you done!?!" Lance cried rushing forward.
"I said nothing!"
"Give me Cookie." Slowly Pietro pulled the ruffled kitten from behind his back.
"Huh?" Lance frowned. Cookie was fine, in fact, she was purring.
"I felt bad," Pietro admitted, "I was mean to Cookie even if she is an eye eater. I wanted to make her feel better so I was feeding her some warm milk and oreos. You weren't supposed to come in."
"Awww Pietro you do love her!" Lance grinned from ear to ear, "see? It didn't matter about the stupid Cookie Monster. It was just a material possession."
"Don't push it Lance," Pietro growled, "Cookie Monster is not just a toy."
"Right. Sorry." Lance held up his hands. Together the two friends finished feeding Cookie. Then they wandered upstairs, a stuffed Cookie resting in Pietro's arms.
Pietro was just disappearing into his room when he turned and said, " oh Lance? I think you should check on your comic collection. I saw a bit of 'Brief Lives' on the floor."
"You what!?!" Lance snapped. Quickly the dark-haired teen rushed into his room. "COOKIE! YOU WRECKED MY COLLECTION!"
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See Lance, when it happens to you, material possessions do mater. *sniffs* My Cookie Monster has no eyes. *Waaaaaaahhhhh*