OKAY, I am BACK. I KNOW. I AM BACK. Wait, -cues music-
Gossip boy back to let you into the scandalous life of the rich and famouss....or just Edward and Bella. Hahaha..
Okay I am like, completely HAPPY to begin typing my A/N's again because some people actually LIKE to read it and it puts a smile on their faces. so (by the way, if u ever smile too much and turn into the whole Joker thing, i'm gonna become a dentist, hopefully, and i might be able to help) how is everyone doing? PLEASE REVIEW. i know, it's like, not even demanding, so like, GO AND DO IT DAMMIT.
I watched in terror at the shrouding darkness swallowing me whole. I couldn't understand what it meant, or how it related with my life, but I could feel it overtake me. It felt horrible...my body didn't move as much as I screamed for it to do something, anything but lie there, stuck in the same, vulnerable position. My mouth was hoarse and dry, impossible to call for help. I watched as my life flash before me, my childhood, my parents, my home, even...Edward. Everything was slowly fading away from my vision. It felt horrible, the lump in my throat swelled, suffocating me as I hoped for death...anything but this.
"Bella!" A voice called, the angelic sounds of...
"Bella!" That same enchanting voice broke through the darkness, like a beam of light through my nightmares.
"Oh." I exclaimed. Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead as I felt my sweaty body and wet t-shirt cling to my skin.
"Edward!" I wrapped my arms around him, sobbing as I inhaled his sweet scent. It calmed me down a lot faster than anything else. I sough comfort, and in him, I found the sense of security I needed.
He was taken by surprise from my embrace, but he slowly cooed me with soft murmurs, stroking my hair and back, steadying my pounding heartbeat.
I wiped my tears and looked up at his face, "I'm sorry. I was just..."
"It's okay, come here." He pulled me into a tender caress and continued to speak soothingly. "You were screaming so I thought you were being strangled by someone. But it was just a nightmare, thank God."
"I really don't know what happened...and, I'm very sorry for waking you up..." I looked at the bedside alarm clock and it read 8:00 a.m. It was a very late night we had yesterday, and the guilt was overshadowing the horrible nightmare. It felt great and all to have him here, but ...it was an awful thing for someone to come comfort me! If I ever had nightmares, as I sometimes did, my mother would come into my bedroom, make a hot chocolate with vanilla ice cream and sit down with me in my bed as we both drank the liquid.
"It's fine. Can you wait here for awhile? I'll be right back. You won't even know I'm gone." He got out of bed and smiled. I nodded and watched him go, feeling lonely. I never got over a lot of things from my childhood. Sure, I was bold enough to run away from home, and be independent, but was I really ready to fully "grow up"?
"Here's something I thought you might like." Edward's voice broke my reverie and as I glanced up at the mug, I was shocked.
"Is that...hot chocolate with ice cream?" I asked, completely taken by surprise.
He looked at me, half confused and half bewildered. "You knew?"
"Yeah well, it's a comfort beverage my mother always makes for me..." I chuckled and took my mug as he sat down beside me.
"Do you want to talk about it? I don't mean to pry..." I took a sip. It tasted exactly the same as my mother's. The chocolate was flavourful, aromatic and strong, with just the right balance of ice cream that had already begun to melt. It tasted excellent. It was then that I ached to see my mother, and realized just how much I missed home. Was I being irrational to run away? Too bad, the decisions made and if I went back now, it would just prove how immature and unready I was to my father.
"Just missed my parents, I guess." I propped a pillow on the wall and leaned against it. He sat beside and watched my face intently.
"Missing your parents doesn't involve screaming. Please tell me. It's getting me anxious and I don't even know where to start when I'm trying to comfort you!" He groaned like a big child. I saw in his eyes that he was sincere, that he did want to help me. What wrong was there in telling him how seemingly unprepared I was to live on my own...
"I feel...small, incompetant and well, just really unable to live on my own. I miss my parents, but all the aspirations I have just...I don't know. I want to give up. It's so hard for me to live on my own when I miss them so dearly, and yet this big looming fate of what I want and need is so different. The polar opposites of each other is making my head...big!" I groaned out loud, venting my frustrations in a very un-ladylike manner. Did it matter? I didn't have a good impression on Edward anyways.
"Do you want to hear my story? Of how I came..." He gestured around the room I was in, but I knew he meant a bigger picture, "Here?"
"If it involves the recipe of the hot cocoa, yes." Grinning and nodding, he moved to a more comfortable position, placing his mug down on the bedside table.
"This isn't a happy story. Our family is torn in so many ways, that it doesn't seem possible to repair it at all.
My father, the center of our family, and my mother had three children. Me, Emmett, and Alice. Emmett was the typical overprotective but soft and sensitive brother. A teddy bear, you can say. Alice is the eccentric, happy sister. We were a grateful family, all of us content with what we had. As my father's career as a doctor overtook most of his time, his workaholic schedule made us all disappointed in him. I could still remember the arguments my mother had with him, trying to reason out plans for our family's leisure time. He had none for us.
It wasn't that our own behaviour had faltered, nor was it the lack of care we were receiving, because my mother did. Normally, we would be perfect angels raised with manner and grace, but as we began to distant ourselves from the family, everyone had their own goals, whether it be good or bad. Emmett started going to bars, drowning his sorrows in alcohol. That was where he met Rosalie. She helped him get off liquor, and since then, they've been together and inseparable."
I was curious at this point, "Wait, was that bartender woman...her?"
Edward nodded, smiling. "Yes, she owns that bar. Emmett is now an entrepreneur and began starting some businesses around Manhattan, one of them is that bar."
"So you actually go to your brother's girlfriend's bar to sing...and get paid for it? That's so odd..."
"Actually, it's my brother's fiancee. They're getting married next month." He sighed and sipped his mug. "Anymore questions or can I continue?"
"Oh, yes please. So what happened to Alice?" My own cup was nearing the bottom as I moved the cup in odd positions, trying to make sure the liquid was mixing with the ice cream and cocoa.
"Well, she fell in love also. Ran away from home, leaving nothing but a note with an apology, saying she had to follow her own dreams and love. No one's heard from Alice...she requested for us to not look for her, and we gave her that much."
"What happened to your parents then?" Was it bad to sound excited to want to learn more about Edward's dark pass? The 'mourning' business Rosalie told me about was itching to find its answer. Was this linked to it?
"As you can imagine, both of my siblings have left the family, wanting their own lives. My father had a few plans, wanting to find another half for me, trying to keep me from straying to find my own dreams. He looked among the rich and powerful men who had daughters, and found one girl. Her name was Elizabeth.
I still remember the time when we first met, her golden hair held up in a messy bun and stray locks everywhere. Her fair skin almost shimmered in the sun when we went to a family picnic my mother had arranged. I truthfully didn't know who she was at first, nor knew that she was who my father wanted to marry into our family. Weeks passed, we did many things lovers did; piano playing in evenings, reading books on the lawn during the Sunday afternoon, but at the time, I never felt 'that way' towards Elizabeth. It was like treating her as if she was my sister."
Pausing and choking a little before he continued, he looked at the bracelet around his arm, moving it this way and that.
"One day, Elizabeth dragged me to the park where we had first met. The day was unseasonably cold and rain had begun to fall, skies gray and gloom. She led me under an oak tree and with a strong, loud voice, she yelled out 'I love you Edward Cullen!' She then reached forward, pulling herself up towards me and tried to kiss me. I wasn't thinking straight at that moment, but I took hold of her shoulders, stopping her, and watched her struggle with tears. Her face was wet, though it was unable to tell whether they were tears or the rain. I thought it was tears."
Edward stopped, taking a deep breath and a tear welled on the edge of his eyes. I didn't know how to comfort him, yet part of me wanted to do something...anything. I felt helpless, watching him fight to hold himself. My arm automatically held onto his, firmly grasping it. I didn't know if soothing him and stroking his hand would help, but I had to try everything.
"You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to." I said, caressing his cheek with my other hand, brushing away a fallen tear.
He took a few more ragged breaths and continued. "I confronted her, asking her what she was trying to do. She didn't answer, but instead, ran off. I followed, scared she might get sick from the rain. No use, she ran into the street and a car was passing, it skidded in the rain and..."
His body shook with crying, cursing himself for his stupidity. His clenched fist was turning white, paler than his already fair skin. I tried to unclench it, hoping the nails hadn't broken into the skin membrane yet.
"I - could have - stopped her..." he said through hitched breathing. I could see how hard he was trying to compose himself, to hide behind a mask.
"Let it out, you'll feel better." His arms embraced me, taking me by utter surprise as he cried. If the despair and guilt wasn't killing Edward inside, I would have rejoiced at our proximity. There were fresh tears when he stopped, truly having let everything out.
"I'm sorry. I was holding that in for too long, I guess. I couldn't even go to her funeral. I was scared I would breakdown there...and here I am!" Edward did a few more controlled breathing before turning towards me, looking at my wet t-shirt.
"I'm also sorry for that." He pointed towards my soaked shirt, which was so unfortunately, white, and revealed the outline of my bra.
"It's fine..." I stammered, getting up and finding a sweater to put on.
"That outburst, I thought it wouldn't be as dramatic, but I guess it just combusted. You don't think I'm a drama queen, do you?" He chuckled, a little.
"No, I think it's rather cute even." I walked up to him and whispered, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." Tapping his nose and slipping into a sweater, it felt light again. The atmosphere didn't have the hanging veil of shadows that it once had. Edward it seemed, was genuinely smiling, the smoldering twinkle in his eye returned.
"Thank you. For everything." He said, getting up and taking both our empty mugs of hot chocolate residue.
"Remember, if you ever need someone: I'm here." I laughed and hoped that he would trust me enough, to tell me what he was going through.
"Hey, you too." He closed the door softly on his way out, humming a more lighthearted tune.
so how'd you guys like that? im starting to get good at building emotions up from reading so much books in my spare time, lol. i was reading romeo and juliet recently(i memorized the balcony scene in act 2 scene 2? I think... the one with "he jests at scars..." one), and then im off to read..vampire academy. it's a SUPERB series by richelle mead so check it out!
so like recently i was really busy playing soldier front and all so i didn't type much, haha. OH. AND I LOVED my springbreak cause i got to sit at home, in front of my computer and i think my butt started growing moss and other fungus..ew, lol. or maybe it's cause i didnt shower much (i showered like, once every 2 days? hahaha...)
so okay, well gossip boy has to go off and like, do his thing, whatever it might be.
xoxo, gossip boy