Komui's Cure

Author's note: I know it's because I don't have any D. Gray Man readers here yet, but I didn't really feel motivated to finish this because I don't know if anybody will see it. I haven't gotten any feedback/reviews so far; I like to write for people and find it harder to do so when no one will read it. So, comments are immensely appreciated, thanks!

By the way, pure silliness-crack warning.

D. Gray Man and all of its characters © Hoshina Katsuro



"Nii-san?" Lenalee stood in the empty office amidst the plethora of papers, holding a coffee mug with a rabbit-face on the side. Hmm, that's strange, she thought. Reever said that he was in here just a moment ago.

"Where could he be? Nii-san!" Lenalee left the mug on her brother's desk and set off to find his whereabouts. She walked along the spiral corridors, bare feet padding the cool floor softly. After rounding a turn she almost ran into Reever.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Reever-san!"

"It's alright, Lenalee," the science head replied. "How's your idiot brother doing?"

Lenalee frowned. "I don't know. He wasn't in his office."

The scientist paled visibly. "N-not in his office, did you say?" Lenalee's dark eyes widened.

Reever slapped his forehead exasperatedly. "This is terrible," he groaned. "We have to find him before he gets himself into trouble. Let's gather some more people and form a search unit!" he ordered, breaking into a jog. Lenalee knew better than to ask if this was really necessary. She knew her brother Komui better than anyone, and because of this she followed Reever down the hall towards the Order's cafeteria.

"Attention, everyone," Reever addressed in a loud voice to the inhabitants of the cafeteria, which included most of the exorcists, scientists, and a few scattered finders.

"The head supervisor Komui Lee's whereabouts, although somewhere in this castle, are unknown at the moment," Reever began. "He is also ill and highly contagious, which makes him extremely accident-prone as well jeopardizing the safety of everyone here." More than a few gulps were audible. After the last time Komui had fallen ill, three years ago, it had taken months to repair the lower floors of the Order's castle, no further detail given.

"Not again!" An exasperated-looking Johnny cried out, clutching his hair.

Kanda Yuu sighed. "That idiot."

The supervisor's lab (location classified)

Komui had replaced his traditional white had with a hard yellow helmet generally attributed to the makings of his Komurin robots. Medicines were really Bak's area of expertise; Komui was better at creating the viruses than developing actual antidotes for them.

"A…atscht!" The sudden impact caused him to drop the drill in the midst of use, it clanging loudly on his worktable. This was the fourth time that that had happened, Komui grumbled, snuffling. He gingerly picked up his precious instrument, the metal feeling strangely cool to his touch.

So far the supervisor had created ten flasks of his newly created antidote, each containing bacteria samples from his own saliva in order to counter the cold's symptoms. Now, all that was left was to insert the flasks into Komurin V so that he would be able to obtain the medicine whenever he needed it. Komui pushed his oval-shaped glasses higher up the bridge of his nose and grinned toothily, chuckling. He really was a genius, he thought, beginning to laugh. And they all thought that his Komurins were useless huddles of metal.

"Uhm, Lenalee?" Allen Walker gave his companion a quizzical glance. "Is the fishnet really necessary?"

"Obviously you haven't seen shachou sick before," Tapp answered for her. He looked nervous, small eyes constantly darting from left to right.

"Nii-san can be a bit stubborn sometimes," Lenalee added. "Remember when Russel-san and I went into the village to get gifts?" Allen instantly became silent, gray eyes wide and glassy. It had taken ages to get that octopus head off.

"I'll take that as an affirmative," Lenalee smiled.

"Shh," Reever cautioned, holding an index finger to his lips. "We're almost at the lab."

"Wuahh, I finally get to see Komui-sensei's secret lab!" Allen exclaimed in a heightened whisper. His giddiness soon abated as loud metallic noises began to be audible from the corridor. Although, I may want to reconsider…

"S-shachou!" Reever cried out, having banged open the sliding doors to the laboratory.

"What?" Komui looked up, not seeming the least bit surprised. Lenalee noticed her brother's rather wan complexion, not to mention the abnormal flush tinting his cheeks.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kanda asked darkly, eyeing the newly instated Komurinbot.

"Why, baking bedicine, Kanda-kud!" The science supervisor answered happily, scrubbing at his red nose with his sleeve. Kanda twitched.

Johnny frowned. "You know that's not a good idea, Komui-shachou. Your Komurins are highly unstable."

"Yeah," Reever nodded. "If you want to make a remedy, you'll have to do it without the robot." He motioned to the exorcists. "Destroy it."

Komui's spectacles reflected the light and gleamed dangerously. "Destroy by Koburin?" He asked disbelieving before his voice took on the Komui's-going-to-eat-you-now tone. "Now that I can't allow."

"Get him!" Reever shouted, and the exorcists attacked.

It took almost an hour to bring down the director and his robot. The only reason the science team and the exorcists had been able to succeed was because Komui had been distracted by an unfortunate sneezing fit and had let his guard down. When it was all said and done, the lab was in shambles, the medicine flasks shattered everywhere, Komurin V in pieces, and the Order members utterly exhausted. Using the fishnet, Reever and the others managed to sedate and drag the head supervisor to his room and lock him inside.

Unfortunately a few days later, most of the members of the Black Order had come down with a nasty cold.

"Just a whip of my homemade soup and you should be back to normal!" An annoyingly cheerful and healthy Komui sang, breezing into the infirmary with a large tray.

"When I get out of here, I ab going to kill you slowly and cut the body into hundreds of tidy pieces," Kanda growled, although his threat sounded a lot less menacing from behind a Kleenex.

"Not if I get to him first," Reever muttered from the other bed. "'Choo! Ugh..."

The End.