Genre: Humor, Parody
Time Frame: Season Two
Characters: Rose, Ten
Summary: Rose learns that Gerard Butler's face is not the 'Phantom of the Opera's' face. And yes, Gaston Leroux was right – about everything.
Notes: Just a silly, fluffy little piece that combines my love of two fandoms, and pokes fun at the more . . . narrow minded of Phantom Phans.
"This is all your fault, you know?"
"And just how did you manage to arrive at this conclusion?"
"Well, we're being chased through a maze of underground tunnels – there's mold. You didn't warn me about the mold."
"I'm sorry, I was too busy trying to warn you about more important things!"
"'Tis still your fault."
"Yes. Yes. It's all my fault – if one doesn't factor in the small point that YOU were the one who touched the mask!!"
"I asked for a peak. A peak! It wasn't my fault that he was so grumpy about it. I mean, c'mon - we've all seen the bad sunburn that's underneath."
"You call that a sunburn?"
"Well, that was different."
"What were you expecting?! I mean, the whole point of the mask is – what? You're looking like that and – oh, you're kidding. Rose?"
"You have that look."
"The disappointed fangirl look."
"I do not!"
"Yes. You do."
"That isn't a real look anyway!"
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"So . . .You were expecting Gerard Butler's face."
"Well . . ."
"Rose, I warned you before – Gerard Butler's face is not the Phantom's face."
"But it could of been!"
"And you took this chance, why?"
"There may be a genius with Gerard Butler's face loitering around in 1880 France. You happen to have a time machine – you didn't think that this was bound to happen eventually?"
"I don't factor in schoolgirl crushes when choosing my traveling companions!"
"You didn't exactly stop me, Doctor!"
"No. I didn't – I couldn't because somebody took my screwdriver."
"A girl needs insurance."
"You're completely delusional."
"Oh, shut up and run faster."
"No! I'm not running faster. There's bound to be a booby trap somewhere."
"Oh, like that water one Raoul almost drowned in?"
"No, I was thinking of a room of mirrors."
"Have you even read Leroux's work?"
"You know, for being the adamant fan you professed to be before making this little side trip, you know shockingly little about Erik's past."
"I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear that."
"You know, for all of your professing loathing for this story, you know a lot about it."
"Yes. Gerard Butler's face was simply too irresistible."
"It was humor, Rose. And no, I don't care for this story."
"The wrong people get together."
"Well, yeah. That's what everyone thinks, and really, that's what makes the story so appealing! The angst, the woe, the unrequited love and sheer beauty of an angelic voice trapped inside a demon's body!"
"You are starting to scare me. Really."
"Oh, c'mon. You know you love it."
"It's getting old. Ah! A right here should take us back up to the surface."
"You said that the last two rights."
"Well, you got us into this mess. Now is not the time to be mocking my sense of direction."
"You're telling me that in all of your Time Lord-y powers, you have nothing there to tell you which way will take us up?"
"I'm a genius – but catacombs designed by another genius are pushing it. Forgive me if I'm having a little trouble."
"You're making excuses."
"You better believe it. Aha! Here we go!"
"I still don't see anything."
"A trapdoor, this should lead to the stage."
"Do you have any idea how many trapdoors we have passed up?"
"This one is the one we want. See – there. The TARDIS is behind the Il Muto set pieces."
"I never doubted you for a minute."
"Right. So, what did we learn from this little side trip?"
"Don't trust you with directions, and we'll be right as rain."
"Funny. I mean, really Rose. You have to realize how much your media butchers classic literature. Once you take off the pink tinted glasses you'll see -"
"I've already said sorry."
"Good. Now, can I have my screwdriver back?"
"Rose . . ."
"I was thinking about one more side trip."
"So, Doctor. Have you ever met any Spartans?"