Coffee Deprivation by AndromedaMarine

"Gosh, Rodney, you look exhausted," John said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Aren't you going to have some coffee?"

Rodney glared fiercely at the colonel. "I would if there was any," he said with a dangerous air. "Someone thought it was funny to hide the whole coffee supply. I'm not the only grouchy scientist. Oh, and don't bother Lorne – he hasn't had any coffee for two days. Something about Cadman."

John grinned. "I know who it was," he said mischievously.

Rodney seized John's shirt collar. "Tell me," he hissed, his eyes wide in desperation. "I'm in withdrawals here, man! I need caffeine!"

The colonel snickered and shoved Rodney away. "I don't think you'll like who it is," he said in a singsong voice. He grinned again.

With an evil glint in his eye and a tight frown crossing his features he said dangerously, "I have control over showers, lights, and room temperature. I can make your life miserable."

Successfully convinced, John shrugged. "He's a new coffee addict," he said, providing his friend with a hint.

"Richards," Rodney guessed.

John shook his head. "Not military."

"Patterson."

Again he shook his head. "Hair's longer."

Rodney grimaced. "Seeley Hawkins?"

"Nope. Hair's a lot longer."

"Jensen?" Rodney said, surprised. "No, wait! It's Kavanaugh, isn't it?" The scientist's face contorted in rage. "God, I'm going to wring his filthy neck!"

"Calm down, Freddy Kruger," John said, blocking Rodney's path to the lab door. "No ponytail involved."

"Michaels?"

"You are a horrible guesser. A few tattoos. More rugged."

Rodney gave a twisted smile. "Ooh...Ronon is going to get it..."

John left before he heard enough to throw the Canadian in the brig.