Title: Journeys End in Crap
Characters: Rose (R), Ten (D), 10.2 (D2), Donna, Jackie, TARDIS (T), Wilf, Sylvia
Spoilers: Journey's End
Summary: R/D/D scene in JE in emo-vision.
Author's Notes: I wrote this one night in IM to try to cheer up JennyLD, my writing partner, because she was trying to write a post JE story and feeling gloomy. Then she posted it and people liked it. So... here ya go.
Author's Note the second: Apparently it's unclear that this is written like this as a joke. It's a humorous recapping of Journey's End. No, we don't actually write like this, which, if you look at our other stories, or our individual accounts, you'd know. So, again, this is a series of CRACKTASTIC adventures. Humorous recapping. Told in Valley Girl speak and other such fun ways, whichever happens to tickle our fancy at the time. Got it? Good. Now on with the story.
So, like... they landed on this beach, okay? And it was all cold and blowy and R's hair was whippin' around while D and D's hair was stiff as a board 'cause of all the product they used. Sharp enough to cut, I tell you.
Then, R's like, hello! Why are we here? And Jackie's wandering off all, oh yay, home, gonna call my baby-daddy. We ToTES named the baby after you fake Doctor. And D, bein' all dorky, is all, really REALLY really? And Jackie's all, OH SNAP! No! Dork.
Then D For Reals is like, Yo Donna, let's tell the fool what she's won. 'Cause I'm totes leaving her here with BOOBY. Donna's all, you best be steppin' off, yo. So, R, like he's totes human. One heart, gonna die... ISN'TTHATAWESEOMEYEAHIDIDN'TTHINKSOEITHERHTEYMADEMESAYIT!!
R's like... um?
And D and D share a look, all jedi-like and understanding and D For Reals is all sad and stuff and D for Fakes is all yo! I gots me a beautiful woman, yo! Gonna tap that ass.
(I don't know why they turned into hip-hoppers)
Rose is all... um?
Jackie's gabbin' away to the sand tellin' it about her kid Tony, and Donna's lookin' at her watch while T is all, YO! Show? Road? Let's get on it.
D tells R she's totes getting everything she ever wanted ever in her whole life, which, duh, is him, but like... not.
R is all... um?
D2 stands with glassy eyes doing nothing
R snaps out of it and grabs both of them. She's all, dudes... for serious, you gots to tell me what you were sayin' before during that other hellish time on this VERY BEACH--yeah, D I'm lookin' at you, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR!!--and tell me true, yo.
D and D2 are all... um?
D finally just goes for it, man, all uh... like I think I said your name. And that's totes all I was gonna say ever at all for reals, man. Yo.
R is all, what. ev.
D2 smirks and gets all up in her personal space, yaknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.
D2 whispers sweet naughty nothings into her ear and licks a few times, just for good measure.
Jackie wanders off to converse with a rock.
D is all... wha?? D2 TOTES just one-upped me... BEEYOTCH.
Donna's all, dude, you are one sorry mofo.
D2 is grabbed by R and snogged... and snogged... and snogged... D snarls and looks at his watch all, you're human now, WTFery?
Donna grabs D and tries to drag him away and he's all 'scuse me, isn't he human now, why's he still breathing? makes sad puppydog eyes
Donna rolls her eyes and grumbles about skinny aliens and the blondes that love them.
Jackie wanders to the water and chats with it.
D2 pulls away all FUCKYEAH! Got me some of that, D! looks around D?
T fades away all WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
R looks up and sees her man leaving. Again. Without goodbye. Without a choice. looks to D2 D2 looks back He gulps and he's all, oh, crap, she's gonna be blamin' me for that shit, yo.
Jackie wanders back.
R stares at her all... WTF?! Where'd you come from, 'cause, like, you weren't here, and now you are and did you SEE what he did to me again?
Jackie backs slowly away.
R glares at D2. D2 takes her hand all... hehe, hi, sweetie... um, remember when you snogged me and stuff? Can we do that again?
R's all raising an eyebrow at him and scoffing and he's like... um?
D2 gulps and stares after T and is all... tiny voice D... take me with you. Halp.
Meanwhile back in the T, Donna's all gabbitty-gabbitty-gab, talkity-talkity-talk, yakkity-yakkity-yak. D don't talk back.
D is leaning against the T all emo and stuff, hair droopin' and puppydog eyes on full.
Donna's still yakkin', and movin' around the console and flippin' things that make T sigh in feminine adoration.
D's all standing in the corner. Hair droopin', puppydog eyes still on full, Snow Patrol running through his mind.
Donna sings along a bit, flippin' switches and tappin' her foot, all, yo, D, cheer up, you've got me! And I am AWESOME. Look at me being AWESOME!
D is all, yo, gots my pain here don't I? Gimme time, shoot. Emo don't just blow over in seconds ya know.
Donna yakks some more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more-more D smacks her on the side and she resumes singing her sad emo music from D's brain.
Then Donna tells him about all the fun places they'll be going and how life is perfect and she is AWESOME and she can't believe how AWESOME she is and isn't everything fun and wonderful and how she never ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever wants to leave him. She's all, like, this is AWESOME... but not as awesome as ME.
D smacks her and gets out his Jedi-mind trick fingers and gets all touchy feely on her. She's all, dude, no I totes want to stay with you here and keep my memories and my AWESOME, don't you dare take away my AWESOME.
D takes away her AWESOME.
D gets emo-er and takes AWESOME Donna home to her cruel mum and AWESOME grandad.
D stands over Donna's unconscious body single emo tear falls
D tells Cruella-de-Mum how AWESOME Donna was. Mum's all, pshaw! She was just Donna. D gets angry and rages and rages and then emos some more when Donna comes in. single tear slips quietly down his cheek
D tells them that they can't ever tell Donna about him or her AWESOME and mum's still all like what. ev. just. Donnna! D's all what. ev. just. shaddup.
Wilf is AWESOME.
Donna yakks and yakks and yakks and doesn't skip like a broken record. She's no longer AWESOME. everyone is sad
Wilf tells D he'll be watching for him and thinking of him 'cause of how AWESOME he is and how AWESOME Donna used to be.
D stands in the rain and cries like a baby.
He goes to T and is all fuck me, I'm emo and takes off his clothes but... for some reason stops at just his jacket.
fangirls and boys sigh in disappointment
D leans on the console and broods and mopes and emos out so bad even DT is all... WTFage?