Gendo, You Bastard! Disclaimer: Gainax owns these characters. The original versions of them anyway...

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As Shinji floated in the LCL, awaiting yet ANOTHER synch test, he noticed a few white blobs floating around in the cockpit. In fact, one of them had just entered his mouth... oh, GROSS!!!

15 minutes later, Shinji burst through the door of his father's office, his rage giving him a courage like none he had ever had before, not even when fighting Angels. Trailing in his footsteps were an overawed Asuka and a thoughtful looking as ever Rei.

"Gendo, you BASTARD!" yelled Shinji, as he launched a vicious haymaker right into the face of NERV's commander, "How could you jerk off in the cockpit of my EVA???"

The truth had been undeniable. DNA testing had shown that it had been semen from an Ikari, and not Shinji. Of course, the Commander's files and data were all classified, but the conclusion had been obvious, especially to those who knew that Unit-01 contained the soul of Gendo's only love, Yui.

As Shinji's beat down was about to continue, he suddenly dropped to his knees as a sharp pain seized his ribs. Rei had balled up a fist and slammed it into Shinji's floating ribs, driving the air out of him.

"You will NOT hurt Commander Ikari! He is... AHH!" Rei was interrupted by a vicious sidekick from everyone's favourite red-head, the Great and Beautiful Shoryu Asuka Langley. Within minutes, a catfight had broken out, while Shinji and Gendo recovered their wits on the floor.

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"Shinji?"

"Ugh... yeah, Asuka?"

"You were really wonderful back there. I mean, you stood up to Gendo! No one's that brave, not even Ritsuko, or Misato, or Kaji!"

"Erm, well... Unit-01 is MY eva, you know? I just feel a connection with it, though I'm scared of it sometimes. Besides that,he's really had that coming to him, and er.. well... umm..."

"Why so hesitant now? The Great Shinji, demolisher of NERV's commanding officer is now some nervous hesitant little boy? hmmm.... then again, you ARE in the presence of the even Greater and infinitely more wonderful Shoryu Asuka Langley! heh... baka! I bet you can't talk cause you're thinking about my luscious legs, or my uber-wonderbar body, no? Bet you'd like to..." Asuka gasped as Shinji suddenly pulled her down on top of himself.

"Asuka... shut up and kiss me."

"Why, Shinji... I thought you'd never ask," Asuka smirked.

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Back in the NERV...

"So, Commander Ikari, why did you do it?"

Gendo blinked. Was Rei actually curious about something? And maybe questioning his authority?

"Commander... if you had wanted to... release your sexual frustrations, you did not have to use Unit-01."

"Are you talking about Ritsuko, Rei?" asked Gendo, still bewildered by the clone's unusual behaviour.

"No, Commander... she might be a beautiful woman, but she does not possess the qualities that you found in... Yui. However... I DO."

"Rei, you..."

"Take me now, Ikari. Make me... uhm! Yes, Gendo, just like that!"

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Misato's apartment:

"Nnngh! Oooh... Shin-chan (no resemblance to any other character's by that name, such as perverted 8 year old Crayon users)... you're pretty good at doing this for an amateur!"

With his head buried between Asuka's legs, Shinji couldn't give much of a response, but he just thought to himself, "mmmm, hope I'm doing as good a job as you were just now, Asuka... wooo, this stuff is potent! And the fact that she's a natural red-head is sure a turn on as well... maybe that's got some connection with the taste? Or maybe it's just part of her fiery nature..."

"Oooh... okay, Shinji, it's time for us to finish this! Get up... I'm going to make a concession just this once and let you be on top. You'd better appreciate it, you baka!"

Looking deep into his beautiful Asuka's eyes, Shinji gently held her in his arms as he got into position. Teasingly, Shinji slowly parted the folds with his male organ, sliding in slowly, letting himself savour the delicious feeling... and came to an abrupt stop as he encountered a barrier blocking his way.

Asuka opened her eyes at the sudden interruption, to be confronted by her worst nightmare. That look on Shinji's face... no... not again! Not AGAIN!!!

"SHINJI-BAKAAAAA!!! If you run away this time, I will HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!!!"

"No... it's her first time! I'll hurt her, she'll bleed! No, I could never hurt my Asuka-chan... but she wants me to do it... I... I musn't run away, I musn't run away..."

"Shinji... do it!"

"I musn't run away, I musn't run away..."

"Think of it as a mission! Yeah, um... you've got to pierce the AT-Field to beat the Angel!" "I MUSN'T RUN AWAY! I MUSN'T RUN AWAY! I MUSN'T RUN AWAY!" Shinji practically started screaming out.

"oops. Maybe the Angel reference was a bad idea... yep. Definitely losing your touch Asuka" she thought to herself, "Oh, well... guess it's up to the Great Asuka Shoryu Langley to once again finish the job that the Third Child can't..." as she suddenly grabbed Shinji around the hips and pulled...

Eek. It HURT, dammit! (I'm a guy, so I have no idea, but I'm guessing here. Okay? Sorry.) And in a different way from how it hurt when she was piloting Unit-02. But it felt both unusual and good at the same time, knowing that she was finally one with the one she loved, with her darling Shinji-baka... who was currently passed out on top of her???

Damn. Well... at least she had gotten off twice from his fingers and tongue already... which was supposedly better than other girls' first times. So... with a little editting, the final version of this story to reach Hikari would have her green with envy! Hah, Asuka NEVER loses!

As for the baka himself... and here, Asuka smiled as she looked down at his unconscious form... sometimes he was too sweet for his own good. But she'd whip him into shape soon enough. Feh. The little worm (well, not so little as it turns out, she giggled to herself) would soon realise the power of the great Asuka, and would be calling her Queen even as she rode on his rock hard dick...

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Back in NERV...

"Die, you clone, die! And you too, Gendo!"

"But, Ritsuko, dear, we could have a foursome?"

"You, jerk... wait, who's the 4TH???"

"Why, Yui, of course, I was thinking we could all get together in the cockpit of Unit-01 and..."

A sudden chill swept through the corridors of Central Dogma, as Rei and Ritsuko stared open-mouthed in Gendo's general direction.

"She's... right behind me isn't she?" Gendo didn't really need to ask, as he could FEEL the gaze of Yui/Unit-01 boring into his back...

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As Gendo was being chased down the streets of Tokyo-3 by a blonde haired scientist, a blue-haired clone, and a 50 foot purple being created for the purposes of protecting the Earth, when it wasn't being manipulated for the purposes of the Human Instrumentality Project, Toji stared at his retreating figure, muttering out, "Gendo, for stealing all the pretty women, bullying my friends when they pilot the EVAs, hurting my sister, and taking my arm and leg, I WILL DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS!" "I think he's about to get pounded on already, Toji"

"Oh, okay, Kensuke... by the way, thanks for taking care of me once Hikari decided that she couldn't love a cripple."

"No, problem, Toji-chan... now, just hold still while I apply the Vaseline..."