Word Count: 1,378
Warnings: Some kissing, pure mushy fluff, high-maintenance Draco (but is there any other kind?)
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. I'm like the Buddha.
Summary: Draco buys a thesaurus. 'Nuff said.
After much debate (well, really it was after much stubbornness on Harry's part and many hissy fits on Draco's) it was decided that the two of them would live in Grimmauld Place so long as Draco was allowed full control of its decoration. He'd also thrown in full control over his boyfriend's wardrobe as a demand but was reminded that he already had that so long as Harry had a low tolerance for whining.
No one had expected the complete renovation that the blond started. The house was friendly to a Slytherin, and so he got quite a bit more done in just a few months than anyone in the Order had in the years they occupied Grimmauld Place. One would think that Draco would be satisfied with how things were going. That is, if one did not know him very well, he might think that.
He was weary, in fact, irritated and on edge as he presented the newest addition to their home to his lover.
"What is it?" Harry asked, cocking his head to the side and squinting at it.
Mounted on the wall behind the couch were winding, wrought-iron vines with clear candle holders nestled atop every other leaf. He'd recently gotten his hands on the IKEA catalog. "It's a candle holder, stupid," Draco informed sharply. "Honestly, do you need a new prescription?"
Harry gave him a sheepish grin and didn't respond.
"Well? What do you think?"
The dark haired man shrugged. "It's great."
Draco stormed out of the house. Harry wasn't surprised. He'd been screamed at for half an hour the day before about his lack of enthusiasm over his own home, not to mention his abysmal vocabulary. "It's great" had been his response to every item his boyfriend had brought into the place with the exception of the £500 phallus to which he'd said instead, "Draco, I'm not exactly sure I approve of you paying five hundred pounds for a penis." He'd been hit for that.
When the blond returned he was carrying a small red bag from the bookstore in town. From it he produced a small blue book, which he proceeded to shove so close to Harry's face that he couldn't read the cover. "Here! Maybe now you can express yourself like a civilized and educated human being instead of grunting at me like an ogre!"
Harry took the book out of his hand and turned it over. "The New International Webster's Pocket Thesaurus of the English Language," he read thoughtfully. He set it down on the table and grinned up at his boyfriend. "Thanks, Draco. It's great."
He was hit over the head with the thesaurus.
As with most things that he bought Harry, be it shoes, clothing, candy, shoes, books, or shoes (when he'd discovered that they wore relatively the same shoe size, Draco was finally certain that they were meant to be), Draco used the thesaurus far more than its recipient. This wasn't hard to do as Harry had zero interest in the thing.
"Alternative words for 'great'," the blond called across the kitchen. Harry was making pancakes and Draco was sitting at the table with his feet dangerously close to his coffee mug.
"This ought to be great," the dark haired man said under his breath.
Draco scowled. "I heard that. If you're referring to a thing's excellence, you may use 'exceptional', 'surpassing', or 'transcendent'," he lectured, voice more poetic and snobbish than usual. "If you want to express a thing's eminence, say 'grand', 'majestic', 'exalted', 'famous', 'renowned', 'celebrated', 'distinguished', or 'noted'."
Harry looked back at him with an eyebrow raised. "Are you serious?"
"Of course I am," he insisted, sounding insulted. "You are going to broaden your vocabulary and that's that."
His boyfriend smirked. "Grand."
Later that day, Harry was trying to read the paper on the newly installed back patio. He was sitting at the small table, and Draco was lounging behind him in one of the reclining chairs.
"Harry, your hair is more 'unkempt' than usual today," he informed him, reading the word straight from the little blue thesaurus.
"Would you give it a rest?" his boyfriend grumbled, rolling his eyes.
Draco flipped a few pages. "So sorry. I didn't mean to 'perplex' you."
Harry sighed in frustration. "Draco, that doesn't even make sense!" he whined.
"I fear my 'sumptuous' vocabulary is..." He flipped a few pages, then broke out into laughter. "Look at this! 'Harry' is an alternative word for 'irritate'! Ha!"
Growling in anger, the dark haired man stood up suddenly and stormed back into the house, abandoning his paper on the table.
Draco scrambled to get up and chase after him. "I'm sorry!" he called. "I was only teasing you, you know that!"
Harry slowed and glanced back at him.
Quickly flipping to the middle of the book, the blond told him earnestly, "I adore you. I idolize you, prize you, treasure you, and cherish you."
A smile tugged at the corner of his boyfriend's lips. "And what are those alternates for?"
"I love you." Draco grinned at him, then looked back down at the book. "Oh! And here are some words you can use to describe me!" He walked over and pointed out the section. "Just use one of the alternates for 'lovely' in front of one for 'lover'."
Harry laughed and kissed him before taking the book. "Draco," he tested, "my 'beautiful suitor'." He raised an eyebrow at him.
The blond tapped the book impatiently. "Well, you have to use one of the ones that works."
"That works," Harry insisted. "I like it. I think I'll call you that all day. And tomorrow you will be my..." He read from the book, "my 'attractive sweetheart'."
Wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck, Draco rested his head on his shoulder and looked down at the book. "Well, at least I have that to look forward to."
Without warning, the dark haired boy grinned and ripped the section out of the book before handing it back over.
"Hey! What if I need that part?" Draco demanded.
Harry rolled his eyes and turned it over. "Draco, two of the words you're missing are 'lumber' and 'lump'."
Pale little fists found their way to slender little hips. "Well, what if I want to call you a stupid lump?" he pouted.
"Well, then you can call me a stupid... 'hunk'," he chuckled. Harry turned and left with his scrap of paper.
For the rest of the day, Draco was his 'beautiful suitor'. The day after that, he was his 'attractive sweetheart', and after that, his 'comely admirer'. Harry had snickered at the word 'comely' and Draco had insisted that he couldn't be any less mature if he tried.
On Saturday, they had gone to a Ministry party and Harry had unblinkingly introduced Draco as his 'fair escort'.
"Shut up!" the blond hissed. "You're making me sound like a pale whore!"
The dark haired man didn't even have to make his smart remark to be hit.
For the next four days, Draco went from a 'handsome paramour' to a 'pleasing steady' to Harry's 'captivating girlfriend' (Draco's least favorite), and then his 'enchanting boyfriend'. Draco rather liked that last one and his boyfriend made sure to use it at every possible opportunity.
Harry proposed on that Thursday. He always woke up about two hours before Draco ended his beauty sleep, so the blond was still asleep when he sat down on their bed.
"Draco," he whispered.
"Hmm?" he grumbled. "What is it?"
Grinning, he lay down next to him, nuzzling into his neck. "Draco, I only have one more set of words to use."
The blond sighed. "Thank god."
"It's just... well, I don't know how well they're going to work," he explained.
"Why's that?" Draco asked, opening his eyes slightly and resigning himself to wakefulness.
Harry smiled at him. "Well, today I'm supposed to call you my 'engaging fiancé'."
The blond's eyes went wide and he sat up suddenly. "Harry?" he asked uncertainly.
He pulled out the little black box and opened it. Inside were two platinum rings with their initials engraved into them. "Will you marry me?"
Draco kissed him hard, and he almost never kissed before he'd brushed his teeth. Morning breath was unbecoming. "Yes, yes, yes," he breathed excitedly against his lips.
Harry grinned. "Great."