In the beginning there was Barney...
Next was the Wiggles...
No one ever expected this to happen...
but It finally has come!
BILL NYE VS. HANNAH MONTANA
(All I can say is that all of you people are sick! I love you, thank you for all of the inspiration to make this final chapter in the Bill Nye Vs. Series.
6 years ago I had a dream, a dream in which Children could idolize whom they wanted, and where purple dinosaurs sang songs… a dream where children believed in miracles and teen celebrities lead the way to a better future…this dream sickened me, so I had to take out my anger, I started writing these stories about a man who we, the children of the 90's, grew up with.
Of course being the last of my 6 year nightmare, I had to pick someone really good. And Hannah Montana it is…not Miley Cyrus, she's…okay for now…. I hope everyone enjoys this story and once again, thank you for supporting me)
The police surrounded the building. "Open the door! We know you're in there, we are going to force the door down."
The police rushed through the small apartment and after searching the premises, stumbled upon the man hiding in the closet. The largest of all of the cops held a gun as two other officers restrained the man, while another officer tightly locked the handcuffs.
The tall thin man was violently pushed into the police car, where he was quickly rushed for questioning.
After sitting in an empty room for two hours, a dark ominous man entered the room and sat in front of the tall thin man. "So… you're the Famous Bill Nye. We've heard a lot about you. Taking out dinosaurs, and four counts of 1st degree murder for the deaths of Jeff, Anthony, Greg, and Maury Wiggle. It sounds like you've been a busy man. But between you and me… we don't care about them just answer me this…WHERE IS HANNAH MONTANA!?"
Bill stared at the interrogator with his cold menacing eyes. "I don't kno-"
"DAMMIT NYE! We are not playing games. We know of your sick ways, and we know you have something to do with her disappearance"
"and what if I did? There's nothing you, or anyone can do now, hahahahahahaha!"
"Just tell me what happened" the Man shouted
Bill Nye looked around the room, stared at the ceiling, and signaled for the man to come near "only if you turn off your cameras, I'm a scientist…I'm not stupid"
The cameras were shut off and Nye's story begins here…
Bill Nye had just arrived home from Australia. Bloody and tired, Nye decided to do something he hadn't done since leaving , relax and watch WHOLESOME T.V. However, before leaving, He had been studying the Disney Channel trying to find the wiggles' weakness. As Bill turned the T.V. on the channel came to Hannah Montana. "You get the bessssssst of both worlds"
Nye pondered that saying… "Has this girl discovered an alternate universe??" but as he listened, he learned that all she was talking about was how she wanted to be a normal girl AND a superstar.
"NO! impossible, you can't be both…one or the other!!" as Bill watched and watched, his anger increased. Never before had he been this angry, not even when it came to Barney or the Wiggles. Something had to be done.
Bill started laying his plan out. One problem though, unlike barney, and unlike the wiggles, Hannah Montana had a security system unlike no other. An over-protective, Hill-Billy, mullet wearing father.
Nye was on his way to Hollywood where the "teen sensation" was holding her 500th concert. (of course) On the entire way there, all he could think about was his fantastic plan being put into action.
He had arrived. The scene was already a war zone as moms fought to the death to get their daughters tickets to the show. Sorta like the line for the first Iphone. Only worse… ankles were bitten and hair was pulled. Have you ever been scratched by a rabid seven year old girl?… that shit hurts…anyways.
Nye had to get backstage. As he approached the door a man in a flannel shirt stopped him. " Where do y'all think you're goin bud?" It was Billy Ray Cyrus, Hannah Montana's over protective, Hill-Billy, mullet wearing, father!
"Back off Hill-Billy Ray, You're not who I'm after." Nye readied himself for battle as he grabbed his beaker getting ready to attack.
"Now y'all done it" the giant plaid pussy rushed toward the scientist with everything he ever learned from WWW. He swung his fist, and kicked his feet, but he couldn't find a chair so he was screwed
Bill flung his beaker straight for Billy ray as it splashed into his mouth… his last words were "OWWW…my achy breaky heart" as it exploded…his heart.
Nye continued down the hall until he came to his destination, Hannah Montana's dressing room. From a distance he heard the concert ending which means he had to work fast.
"Thank you everyone! I hope y'all enjoyed the concert, make sure you buy the Hannah Montana towel set on your way home! I love y'all!" Hannah ran to her dressing room to escape her screaming seven year old fans. "sigh, those little brats…." Montana was cut off mid sentence as the looming dark figure of a man approached.
"Why, hello there…I hope you enjoyed your last concert, muah haha"
"AHHHHHH! It's you, the sicko that did away with the purple monstrosity" Hannah screamed at the top of her annoying little lungs. "Wildcats attack!"
Out of nowhere a barrage of red and white high schoolers attacked Bill Nye! It was the entire cast from High school musical. "Crap" was all Bill Nye could say, he never expected this. However, you people are forgetting, Bill Nye is a genius. Fortunately, Nye knew the teenagers weakness, hormones. Out of his book bag, Bill pulled out the latest edition of playboy to lure the horny teenagers away from the puny princess of pop. As fast as the teens came, they were gone leaving Hannah Montana Defenseless.
Bill Ran over to her, grabbed her by the wig and flung her clear across the room "Ow…that like…hurt" Hannah started crying. "I need help…"
"and I need new beakers since I wasted mine on your father, so I guess we're both screwed" Nye laughed out.
Hannah Montana got to her feet soon enough to be knocked down again by Bill. He walked over to her pulling out his last serum, covering Hannah Montana in the blue fizzy chemical, then leaving the building. Truly a fate worse than death, Montana regained consciousness hours later to find out she couldn't talk. After all, it's not like she can really get by on her looks, or personality.
Ashamed of herself, Hannah Montana Ran away, never to be seen again.
However, a week later she spontaneously combusted and died ( Just because I really wanted her too…)
Bill Nye stared at the cop straight in the eye and other cops filled the room with their handcuffs. "Hmmm, it's getting a little too crowded in here" Bill calmly said as he pulled out a tablet, throwing it quickly onto the floor. A puff of Green smoke filled the air but as the smoke cleared Bill Nye was no where to be found ever again.
So that's it , this 6 year journey has been a fun one, but it's time to hang-up my metaphoric lab coat. Once again, I wanna thank everybody that's ever read my stories, gave me a good review, and even those who gave me bad reviews becuz without you I wouldn't know what to fix. And I wanna thank my big sis Bree for laughing at me when I read my first bill Nye story to her. Without her, I wouldn't have any inspiration…I could go on for hours with all the people I'd like to thank…Mr. Davis for making me watch Bill Nye, yeah haha. And then last but not least, my (now) 5 year old sister Amanda, for forcing me to watch every show I've destroyed.