Authors Note: Ok, this is a parody (DUH) I wrote it based on personal experience with the game, and this was inspired by Shadow of Light's ACTUAL Drakan fic (I didn't read it, but it is fan fiction about DRAKAN!) -- you are stronger than I SoL, Far far stronger... Enjoy! = )




Ah! At last! Here we are, the mythical world of Drakan --- dragons, weird carpety looking bundles of rats --- that kind of thing! Breathe the fresh, clean air

(Fresh Air does 2000000 damage to Fredrick)

"AHHH!!!"

(Fredrick has Died)

OR DONT! We could always...not breathe...ok --- well doesn't this place look fabulous? I mean the graphics are second to none --- oh, look, a sunset, how lovely ------- Eternal and Endless Night, blacker than the souls of this games creators? But Why?!?!

(Something that you wish you could see does untold damage to Sarah)

"AHHHH!!!"

(Sarah can be presumed to be dead)

All right, so no breathing or --- existing at night --- right, ok, we are learning. A Castle! Oh joy! A mighty dungeon to be solved and destroyed, glory to be had and songs to be sung! All that remains is to cross this simple moat and we sh-----

*Odd Blip sound*
(Shark Eats Monty)
(Shark Eats Ellaine)
(Shark Eats Your Mother)

"AHH!!!" "AHH!!!" "AHHHHHH!!!"

MOM!?! Well, at whatever cost, we made inside the dungeon, NOW certainly we shall see some kind of action, I can feel it, feel it just
like a ravenous horde of minions summoned into this room by a secret and unthinkable trap, sure to kill us because the only way out of the room is an obtuse puzzle to which their is no solution --- wait

(Claire and Billy are slain by a ravenous horde of minions summoned into this room by a secret and unthinkable trap, sure to kill us because the only way out of the room is an obtuse puzzle to which their is no solution)

"AHH!" "AHH!"

Well at least I begin to notice a pattern in all of this...

(Claire and Sarah are returned to life just to spite your "logic" and "hope")

"AHH!!!" "AHH!!!" "SEND US BACK!!! Oh please God NO!"

Errr.... well at least this was a positive bit of sadism... ok... LOOK! Behold Claire, feast your eyes on This Sarah --- The chamber of the master of this dungeon, no doubt a dragon of great power, come, to BATTLE!!!! *fierce charge, followed by silly green thing doing obnoxious jig to the strangest jungle-dance-boogie ever heard by the ears of man. (Including the end theme from Friday the 13 three) *

What? wh--- no --- WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!??!?!?!?!?

*strange grumble/mumble that could possibly be a Peruvian rat's mating call, but is in no way speech, followed by archaic text designed to make sense Only for the programmers ex-girlfriend*

Oh Drakan, you have truly stolen my will to live --- Curse you Drakan, Curse you Forever.