Title: Almost Lover

Author: Valentine Nolan

Authors Note: This one I hope to put time and effort into it. I also hope to be patient while writing it and not rush through it to just get to the good parts. I am a college student now with a lot of free time, so I hope I use it to develop my writing abilities. I am experiencing some tough times healing mentally and it will be reflected in certain ways throughout this fic. I hope it will be capturing and keep you reading.

I am trying something new, getting inspiration from several songs for this one. The title is taken from the song 'Almost Lover' by The Fine Frenzy, but you will see other inspirations in here. I will create playlists as I write.

Disclaimer: I do not own SoN characters. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N. Though, original characters are mine.

Rating: R for the moment. Most likely there will be some NC17.

Summary: "And when you left, you kissed my lips. You told me you would never forget, never forget these images. No, well, I'd never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me…"

Almost Lover


Goodbye, my almost lover...

The exact moment wasn't given to her to recognize that she was becoming a different person; she only became conscious of it later, sitting in the garage with her head resting on the steering wheel, that she noticed the small, little shift that had snaked its way into her compulsive mind. The woman that Spencer Carlin had been was immune to the outside world, wrapped up in her tangled mind to even realize the effect reality had placed on people. She was a broken girl who quoted song lyrics instead of finding her own voice; a lyrical girl buried too far deep into herself.

Maybe that was why she didn't recognize the foreshadowing of the events that would have taken over her life. Even with her analytical and over compulsive brain, she continued to ignore what had been placed in front of her as she stood in front of the towering apartment complex on that rainy day not so long ago. Maybe she would have noticed the tiny pieces of stone shattering in her mind, or that she became less wound up and could almost differ between the imaginative realities she constructed around herself and the real world under her feet.

She could simply look back on that rainy day with open and wide eyes. The warm Californian sun was gone and replaced by large gray clouds. It had been a stormy week, the air musky with mist and heat. It was between the moments that the songs had changed from The Ting Tings to Aretha Franklin on Spencer's iPod that the three figures were brought to her attention. It was in this day that the three figures stood on the steps. At first, they were invisible to Spencer, not included in her little pretend world. But then…they became unquestionable. They became just as real as the skin on her body or the music pumping into her ears. She remembers feeling her heart beating harder against her chest, i"What am I seeing?"/i She had grasped onto a box filled with clothes in disbelief that she was noticing people, i"Are they real?"/i

Maybe it was the way the older brunette affectionately buttoned the bright red rain jacket over the small child, or maybe it was how the other child watched Spencer with curious, open eyes. Maybe it was how the older brunette called the two children 'Princess and Prince' that drew them into Spencer's world. Maybe they had been a manifest of the blonde's over active mind, trying to rid itself of the constant loneliness.

The scene could easily be explained to any normal person, but to Spencer's analytical brain it was becoming new lyrics to a song that would continue to play out in her head. Over and Over and Over. The older brunette, checking each child to make sure they had become rain proof. She checked the security of the boy's red hood, who had become interested in the crimson pants he wore as he outlined the tiny gold designs with his little finger. Then she zipped up the girl's French inspired jacket as the young eyes still looked curiously at Spencer. In the lyrics of the song, the oddity of taking the children to play in the rain with brightly colored Princess dresses and Prince's pants would be noted.

It must have been the way the brunette called the children different names then what they were given. Or maybe those were simply their names and she had gone against the grain of the normal reality. Either way, Spencer noticed them, and their unconventional names, and had continued to notice them. That itself was a miracle to anyone familiar with the young blonde. It was a simple miracle that involved a broken girl recognizing something real and tactile. It was a simple miracle because it involved a loveless girl experiencing the definition of unconditional love. Or maybe it wasn't a miracle at all, but simply fate itself working out the kinks that life sometimes placed on innocent people.

It didn't matter to her then, and it certainly didn't matter to her now if they were apart of the real world or simply a figment of her imagination. They had become intruders who had unintentionally made themselves into her mind and rid her of the protective amour that she had worn. The three royals had become as much apart of her as anything else. She could simply see that they were different from everyone else. Ashley, the lone twenty six year old single mother with her two children; Pan, four years old, and his younger sister, Ofelia, who had just turned four, was, in fact, very real, and had pulled Spencer deeper and deeper out of her carefully constructed reality and into the real world.

Instead of looking at these events with doting love and affection; something that she could learn from, she saw these things as tributes to the unbreakable chain that she had bound herself to throughout her whole life. Instead of seeing unconditional love, she saw the heartbreak that was about to become bestowed on her if she didn't act immediately.

Maybe that is why she was sitting in the garage, head against wheel, and breathing in toxic air. Finally, she was taking some amount of control over her life.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream…

So, are you interested? Or no? I sorta need to know…