We not own Harry Potter. Although we would like to be able to claim Books 1-6 and make money off of them, we would like it to be indisputably known that we would never wish our names to be in any way related to, tied to, or associated with the illogical farce that is entited "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."
This drabble is a part of the R.U.I.N.S: Can't Stand Deathly Hallows drabble project over on FictionAlley. This story is a compilation of scenes from Deathly Hallows that we feel merit further examination, and each chapter will contain several different scenes. To read more drabbles or for more information on the drabble project, please visit our author's profile page.
Can't Fight These Feelings
"Cave inimicum," Hermione finished with a skyward flourish. "That's as much as I can do. At the very least, we should know they're coming; I can't guarantee it will keep out Vol -"
"Don't say the name!" Ron cut across her, his voice harsh.
Harry and Hermione looked at each other.
"I'm sorry," Ron said, moaning a little as he raised himself to look at them, "but it feels like a -- a jinx or something. Can't we call him You-Know-Who - please?"
"Dumbledore said fear of a name -" began Harry.
"In case you hadn't noticed, mate, calling You-Know-Who by his name didn't do Dumbledore much good in the end," Ron snapped back. "Just - just show You-Know-Who some respect, will you?"
"Respect?" Harry repeated. Who was Ron kidding? "Ron, I've referred to him by his pretentious title for the last six books! It was one of my earliest acts of bravado, of defiance, that set me apart from everyone else! Even Hermione, who never used to say the name (although, as a Muggle-born, she shouldn't have had any reservations initially, funny about that) finally started saying it in fifth year, remember?"
Hermione shot Harry a warning look; apparently he was not to argue with Ron while the latter was in such a weakened condition. But after a few seconds her irrepressible need for order and logic took dominance.
"Harry's right, Ron," she said calmingly, soothingly. "We can't very well be expected to seriously plan to overthrow a dark wizard when we dare not even say his name! We'll lose any respect the readers might still have for us! Plus, from a psychological view, such a mental reservation might well establish a negative precedent which could inhibit our subconscious will and subvert our efforts! Furthermore --"
YOU WILL NOT SAY THE NAME.
"W-What the bloody hell was that?!" squawked Ron.
YOU WILL NOT SAY THE NAME. DO NOT QUESTION RON'S 'FEELING' ON THIS ... JUST ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
The booming voice seem to come from nowhere ... and everywhere. Harry couldn't understand it. Hermione seemed equally puzzled, darting looks in all directions and furiously casting detection spells all around them. But after a few seconds her jaw set firmly and her need to pursue a course based in logic and rational reasoning re-asserted itself.
"I-I don't know who ... or what ... you are," she started tentatively. "But we - and the readers - have no reason whatsoever to not say the name. Ron has always balked at saying the name and berated Harry for doing so ... but Harry has ALWAYS been stubborn and resolute in persevering to say it. The readers just won't understand why he should suddenly cave in to Ron ... now, and most certainly when, say, Ron might not happen to be with us, for weeks or months at a stretch, should that suddenly happen. I can't see any reason why I shouldn't say the name either. It's in my character to support Harry in --"
LISTEN MISSY, IF YOU WANT 'CHARACTER' I'LL PUT YOU BACK THE WAY YOU WERE LAST YEAR. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO NOTHING BUT CONJURE KILLER CANARIES FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED PAGES?
Hermione turned stark white and Harry could see her unease upon receipt of the threat.
"Harry!" she cried. "I can't go back to how I was written last year! I just can't! I lost my mind, everything that made me what I am! I forgot all about S.P.E.W! I lost all my motivation to help you! I spent the entire year obsessing about Won-Won! Attacking students to help him in his quidditch career. Quidditch, Harry. QUIDDITCH!!"
Harry quickly moved to to his trembling best friend and grasped her shoulders, staring deep into her terrified eyes.
"Okay, Hermione. Okay. Calm down. We'll go along with Ron's sudden 'feeling'. Hopefully the readers will understand ... or forget why we've suddenly stopped saying Vol--"
"DON'T SAY THE NAME!!" cried both the voice and Ron.
"I knew this was it," said Ron. "I grabbed my stuff and packed it, then I put on my rucksack and went out into the garden. "The little ball of light was hovering there, waiting for me, and when I came out it bobbed along a bit and I followed it behind the shed and then it ... Well, it went inside me."
"Sorry?" said Harry, sure he had not heard correctly.
"It sort of floated toward me," said Ron, illustrating the movement with his free index finger, "right to my chest, and then - it just went straight through. It was here," he touched a point close to his head, "I could feel it; it was hot. And once it was inside me, I knew what I was supposed to do. I knew it would take me where I needed to go. So I Disapparated and came out on the side of a hill - "
"Excuse me," interrupted Hermione, forgetting in her excitement that she was still extremely upset at Ron. "Did you find the instruction manual?"
"Instruction manual?" asked Ron. "What instruction manual?"
"The instruction manual for the Deluminator!" responded Hermione. "Something that told you how it worked! So you knew that you should disapparate! That it would bring you to us!"
"Uhm," said Ron, his forehead creased, "uhm, no, I just ... knew it would work that way."
"Hold on," said Harry, also at a loss in understanding Ron's sudden understanding of magical artifacts, "You say you just 'knew this was it'?"
"Yeah," said Ron.
"And then you suddenly 'knew what you were supposed to do' ... you 'knew it would take you where you needed to go'"
"That's right!" Ron stated happily.
"But Ron!" Hermione half screamed, homing in on yet another plot hole, "it's a DE-LUME-IN-ATE-OR. It DE-LUMINATES. It PUTS OUT LIGHTS. Why in Merlin's pants would you suddenly believe it could lead you to us? It's not called a DE-LUMINATOR-AND-FINDING-BETRAYED-FRIENDS-ATOR after all!"
"Uhm," Ron blushed, suddenly drawn out of the euphoria upon finding his friends, "well ... uhm ... it was just a FEELING, you know?"
"And apparation!" Hermione shouted, "Ron, you stink at apparation! You failed your first apparation test! Just a few pages ago you were critically wounded from a terrible splinching! So why would YOU, of all people, suddenly decide to apparate with no idea of your 'Destination', you KNOW we were taught that you'd splinch without all three of the Ds firmly in mind! This whole story you're spinning is totally, completely illogical, fallacious and --"
FOR ONE HUNDRED PAGES.
I'LL DO IT IF I HAVE TO.
The booming voice stopped Hermione dead in her tracks. Harry was shocked to see, once again, his confident best friend, his intelligent and independent companion, so immediately cowed by that mysterious booming voice.
"Ah ..." quivered Hermione.
IT IS IMPORTANT FOR THE STORY FOR RON TO HAVE RETURNED TO YOU AT THIS TIME. I COULDN'T THINK OF A GOOD WAY FOR HIM TO REJOIN YOU SO I DECIDED THAT THE DELUMINATOR WOULD SUDDENLY HAVE THESE EXTRA POWERS, AND THAT RON WOULD HAVE ANOTHER COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED AND ILLOGICAL 'FEELING' TO BLINDLY APPARATE, WHICH CONVENIENTLY LED HIM TO HARRY. THE MORE YOU PROTEST THIS PLOT HOLE THE MORE THE READERS WILL REMEMBER IT. I DO NOT WANT THEM TO REMEMBER IT. YOU WILL MOVE ON, GRANGER, OR ELSE YOU'LL BE BE SPENDING THE REST OF THE BOOK LOBOTOMISED AGAIN AND THINKING OF NOTHING BUT WON-WON. DO YOU WANT TO ABANDON HARRY?
Harry could see Hermione's complete surrender in her eyes before she opened her mouth.
"S-So ..." said Hermione tremulously, "Ron ... you say you saw a doe?"
Written by Brad. The second chapter will be posted next week. Check out the profile page for more drabbles by him and by other authors, and keep checking back since we post new drabbles regularly.
This story is based on a real-life plot hole from "Deathly Hallows." If you would like more information on this plot hole, or any other plot holes or related problems, please feel free to peruse our "Can't Stand Deathly Hallows" thread (more details of which are on our author's profile page). Be forewarned that you must be willing to dedicate untold amounts of time to reading through our posts, since there are so many problems in "Deathly Hallows" that we are still finding new ones each and every day. We will not be held responsible for eyestrain, carpal tunnel syndrome, headaches, tears, or any cases of severe depression you might have after reading our thread.